I'm trying to tamp down on the reflex to write a novel, so I'll probably be too succint as a consequence. I've had it since I could remember, told absolutely no one about the spells (and honestly, they often look like zoning out or wandering off frmo the outside anyhow; I've only passed out twice from them, once twenty years ago and once ten), and was only recently diagnosed, like Dec 2006. I'm still sort of coming to grips with it and feeling a bit alone the more I learn about it and the more I learn about how it may have/has influenced me throughout my life.

Essentially, I only realized I might have it when someone with it asked me, "Hm, sounds a bit familiar to me, are you also lefthanded, good with languages and math, have a lousy memory, synaesthetic, have scent hallucinations from time to time, and write a lot?" I googled it, and I felt like someon had dumped ice down my back when I read a first-person account of what a spell feels like from the inside. up until that point, they were only strange little things that had lived in my head since I was very young, and here they were in the world outside. In someone else's head.

I'd heard of TLE before but never thought that it had anything at all to do with me since it's always so sensationalized: "These are kah-razee people who runa round outside with no clothes on and see God!" Or some such. You know how the media treats things like this. Well, I've always been a bit spacey and creative but am a stone atheist, and it's always presented as fi you HAVE to be some sort of super-religious mystic if you have it. That's why I was so glad to read that unalloyed first-person account. That was the first time I ever recognized it for what it was -- inside of me.

I feel bad saying this since apparently other people have had a worse time of it than I, but there are definitely some good things about it. The language ability is great, and I take down mathematics like water. I like being synaesthetic, and despite the way that it's portrayed in the world, I like having very little sex drive. I'd really much rather do origami than bother with something I find dull, and I don't wants kids or a spouse anyhow.

The worst parts of it are hands-down the spells themselves, which thankfully I haven't had for a long time, and the memory problems. I despise forgetfulness, and it's hard to know how to deal with it. People say, "Write things down," and it's difficult for them to get that between the time the thought occurs to me and the time I reach for a pencil, if I'm having a spacey day, I will forget what I wanted to write down before the pencil hits the paper. And the spells were always incredibly unpleasant, so good riddance and happy to see the back of them. I've found that the memory problems are somewhat ameliorated by being chatty and an extrovert; I remember things better when I tell people about them. (And when I can rely on them to remind me. )

I know that it's a bit controversial to talk about a "TLE personality," but with the exception of the mysticism, I really do fit absolutely every single characteristic dead-on. Geschwind's Syndrome or soomething, I believe it's called. That's made it hard sometimes to get along in a world where everyone else seems to be considerably less ... intense, but I'm glad I know it now. I feel like I can just be my weird, overly intense, "Welsh is dark red and tastes like pomegranate" self and not wonder when/if I'm ever going to settle into being like the rest of the world.

I'm not. Nevertheless, I am happy to find at least a few other people who might get it. It's a lot to take in.