[ktmae]

july '07 a rock loaded 15 ton dumptruck t-boned my honda civic. no immediately visable injuries. i entered stephen king-land. more horrible than can be imagined. i figured the concusson would make me stupid. that's logical. ok. but i did not expect to also retain the mental awareness of the pre accident me. seperate. an observer, unable to scream for help while "stella" conversed minimally but lucidly. i was made out of different molecules than everything else. the worst days i remember best. crazy hallucinations. incapable of telling anyone. too real and normal to me like alice in wonderland. then needed a colon resection. unobservant doctors delayed the emergency surgery while concussive delerium communicated with infectous delerium sending me into the deepest chasm of hell.
i need to know....um.....i don't know.
neuropsychologist did tons of tests showing post concussive syndrome and the low energy neuro feedback has been extremely helpful. psychologist, not so much. freudian crap.
anyone else have bizzarre reality for more than a year? or at all? added personality? non recognition of pain like childbirth times 100 adding fire and brimstone?
doctors don't see past their clipboard, lawyers say soft tissue damage is not prosecutable. surgeon sez surgery had nothing to do with accident. i don't understand anything. or until another thought takes its place.
big truck hit me. don't know what to do.
wheeee. catharsis. too much info? sorry.