[MelodyL]

M E N..........Completely clueless, that's all I have to say!!!!

Would you like to know what my clueless husband did this morning?. He gets off the night shift at 8 a.m. and we usually meet up at Dunkin Donuts. He always calls me when he's 10 minutes away and I then walk around the corner.

I get the call this morning and this is what I hear "Melody, I'm on my way to Dunkin, however, you can't sit near me and don't kiss me". I was on the phone going WHAT??? WHAT??? and he goes. "Just don't kiss me and we can't sit at the same table".

Now tell me, what the heck would you infer from a phone call like that??? I assumed "he was exposed to something, somebody maced him, or somebody sprayed something toxic on him, or asbestos, or Legionaiires disease, or SOMETHING??? right?? I mean, why can't I sit at the same table as him"???

So I immediately get upset and take one look at the lovely outfit I'm wearing and say "what a waste of a beautiful set of clothes, I'm never going to enjoy this breakfast".

So I get there, he shows up, he's smiling and I think "well, he's not dying on me, so what the hell is up with him??

He motions me to go up the stairs and sit in the little place we usually sit for breakfast when we meet up. Dunkin has this upstairs room that nobody ever comes up and sits in and there are tables and chairs. He motions me to sit way over there and he sits at another table and starts eating his breakfast. Now how am I supposed to eat my breakfast??

So I stood up and said "if you don't tell me what happened, I'm going to bop you upside your head". He goes. "If I tell you before you finish your breakfast, you won't be able to eat your breakfast, believe me on this, so finish your breakfast". I almost threw the muffin at him.

He then said 'Okay, here's what happened. (He's a security guard on nighttime duty at a contstruction site where they are almost finished building $7 million dollar condominiums in NYC. He saw something that was dumped in the trash on the construction site and it had a note on it. As he walks over, his pants leg brushes against the plastic wrapper (something was wrapped inside the plastic wrapper (an ottomon, or a couch or something). It wasn't terribly big but it was the size of a chair or something.

He picks up the note and it says 'BEDBUGS". He immediately walks away and figures, "well, I've been exposed to bedbugs, Melody can't stand anything to do with bugs, when I come home, she'll make me take off all my clothes when I get in the door and she'll washe me down, spray everything I've touched, etc.etc."

I just looked at him. and I wanted to kill him.

I said 'do you mean to tell me that you made me worry for 40 minutes because you brushed against a plastic over-wrap of something that might contain bedbugs??" He said 'WELL, YOU KNOW HOW YOU GET WHEN IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH BUGS, I ONCE WAS TELLING YOU A STORY OUT OF THE NEWSPAPER ABOUT ROACHES AND YOU SAID "PLEASE STOP, I'M EATING"

I again, wanted to kill him. I said "finish your coffee, we're going home"

And as soon as we got in the door, I made him strip, I put every single thing in a plastic bag to bring to the laundromat. I sprayed all his bags and chair (he takes a fold up chair to the site with him).

He then immediately jumped into the shower.

So he's pink and clean and I'm going to the laundomat to supposedly WASH any remnants of anything that might have jumped onto his security uniform.

And the guy just brushed against a plastic bag.

I'm going to kill him, yes I am.

Melody