Perfect Marriage

Darlene · 08-01-2008, 01:11 AM

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage,
good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.Hers is in California , and mine
is in Texas .
3. I take my wife everywhere.... but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested
the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I
bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water
in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell
off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for
the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it........these were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless.'

DonQuixote · 08-02-2008, 05:23 PM

I love it, but are you sure it's not Henny Youngman?

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