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What is the hardest part of being disabled and being a parent?

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Old 03-25-2007, 02:02 PM   #1
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Heart What is the hardest part of being disabled and being a parent?

Is it the longing to be able to do things other people can do easily? I know I often wish I could get up and run with my son, and at times it's more then a wish it's a need and I have to just find some other way to chase him down.

I think that this is the hardest thing for me about being a disabled parent, not being able to run with him or dance with him and play with him in a physical way that we both could enjoy.

I have found ways to compensate for being disabled, even making it fun from my chair but deep down I feel bad for my son that I can't play with him the way I really want to. What do you find to be the hardest part of being a disabled parent?
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Old 03-25-2007, 02:27 PM   #2
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I grew up with a disabled parent, and remember well my father's feeble attempts to play ball with us. It was a total failure, my brother and I were deathly afraid of hurting him.
But what I remember best is that he was always there for us 6 children, always at home, always ready to listen and talk. It was wonderful, all of us spent many hours with him...we had him all to ourselves.
And none of us would have traded him for anyone.
It isn't what you can do with your child that matters, it is much more about whether you are there for them, or not. And many, many parents were not really there for their children...they had busy lives of their own, and only spent minimal time with their children. But a wheel chair bound dad, was the best possible dad.
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Old 03-25-2007, 02:31 PM   #3
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Thanks for what you said Michael, I am here for my son all the time and since I am disabled and can't work I've made taking care of him my full time job. While it's very rewarding, it's frustrating at times because he knows how to get around my attempts at parenting, specifically giving him a time out. He will run to the bedroom and lock the door when he's done something bad and thinks it's funny that I can't catch him or force the door open.

Even so I wish I could do more for him. He's autistic and only 10, but he's grown up so fast, I remember a time when I was able to pick him up and hold him on my lap, not able to do that anymore, not enough lap for him to sit on...Hehehe.
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Old 03-26-2007, 02:58 AM   #4
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Pamster, I know how it feels deep in your heart it hurts, when you watch them out the window and their laughing, you want to be apart so much. But then they come in(I have 3) first thing they do is sit down and tell me all about. You see, since I got sick God has shown me another way for us to be close and we are. So when your sad and wishing you could do what they do, remember aleast we still have eyes to watch the beautiful things are sweet babies do and we can still love on them when they get done. I'll tell you something elese, when they have a problem or want to talk, they will come to you first, because guess what...you have the time!! God Bless You, Tammy72
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Old 03-26-2007, 06:47 AM   #5
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I'm not actually "disabled," but I am a mom, and I have chronic med conditions that can suddenly and severely get in the way. I have been lucky so far in that I have had very few bad days, but when I did, particularly when my kids were really young, it was very difficult because it was necessary for my daughter, as young as 5 yo, to do things for me like get my glucose pills (for hypoglycemia) or look after her brother while I recovered from a nasty headache. It's easier now, since they're older, but my son is autistic, too, so there's always "excitement," if you know what I mean.


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Old 03-26-2007, 10:26 AM   #6
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Thank you Tammy & LIZARD. Not feeling as down as I was last night. Reading both your replies made me feel better.
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Old 03-28-2007, 05:10 PM   #7
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What a rascal running away. I also remember my father trying to hit me with his crutch (which I deserved) I caught it in my hand, and "please." to my Dad. He never tried it again, and I tried not to make him want to after that.
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Old 03-28-2007, 06:45 PM   #8
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Yeah he is a little rascal, he knows how to avoid consequences from Mom. But when I get Dad involved watch out, he knows better. That sound slike it was a milestone moment between you and your Dad Michael, thanks for sharing it.
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Old 03-30-2007, 09:41 AM   #9
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just like the title says.even though ive been disabled since '91',i still let myself fall into guilt & shame. why,because if your disability cant be seen w/the naked eye upon sight,it cant be that bad,even seemingly well intentioned people say they understand,and then ask you something like'hey,i know someone who's hiring.now,if i had a leg missing or such,they would'nt do that.after so many years,you'd think society would be more informed about disabilities,the people who have them etc...if someone is jogging down the street and they are dressed well and clean appearance[me],why cant that bum work...ignorance!! raising my 13 yr. old by myself is what keeps me ALERT![OCD,ADHD,PTSD,MAJOR DEPRESSION,nervous breakdown in 91.eventually tried self medicating ,almost died of alcoholism[stay away from ism's]...i pray every day and try to remind myself,"dont quit 5 minutes before the miracle[which could be tomorrow ,next year or any moment now,one never knows.anyways,good to read your posts.yours truly,kennyjack.
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Old 03-30-2007, 09:43 AM   #10
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PS sorry for whining,you guys were so positive...have a great day...kennyjack
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