Oh cgirl, I am so sorry your mother did all that to you! I can't imagine how she could rationalize that kind of destructive behavior towards her own daughter, but SHE was the one with the problem not you...I hope you don't blame yourself over that, you did the right thing giving her up, it would have been next to impossible for you to care for a daughter at that age and without the support of your family. What you did took a lot of courage and LOVE, so hopefully she knows that you loved her, I am sure she does. I wish there was more I could say to make you feel better, but just know that I am here just like the others if you need to talk, that's what the board is here for so you talk away okay?

I definitely feel blessed to have my son, he's my one and only and I love him more then I have ever loved anyone in life. It's not easy because of his disability coupled with my own physical one, but I am feeling much better now that he's doing better because of being back in school. He makes me so very happy, most of the time, and when he's miserable I am miserable. It's a connection I have the utmost respect for and I am proud of him for developing and growing up as he's doing even if sometimes he's acting out on me, he's still a special and unique little man who I will always love. I'm sorry you're feeling so blue last night, I hope it's better today.

It's hard when you carry around a lot of guilt about the past, that is something I know about and hate that I do, but I can't help it. All I can say is we're here for you and to be kind to yourself, you did the best you could and that's all anyone can ever ask for.