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Old 03-29-2007, 06:59 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Illinois
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Unhappy In spite of...

Just wanted to tell all of you, that, in spite of your disabilities, be very grateful everyday that you have the children you have. I have an acute mental disability. I am 31 years old, and have no children. And, I may never have any.

Physically, it is very hard for me to get pregnant, and , because of my many hospitilizations, and my disability being what it is, I may never even be able to adopt any children.

I was lucky enough to get pregenant once, when I was only 13. My daughter, I wisely, gave up for adoption. My daughter would not even have been born, if my mother had gotten her way. She took me to the abortion clinic in another state where they did them up to 5 months at the time, but god answered my desperate plea, and the baby thankfully, was 7 months inside of me at this time. My mother continued to try to cause a natural abortion though. Through starving me, and insisting that I take an antibiotic that I was allergic to. She refused to fill the proper prescription given in lieu of the one I was allergic to, and insisted I keep taking the one that the dr. had told me to stop.(I had a bad respitory infection)

I, even at this age, was able to listen to the sound advice of a friend, and stopped taking the medicine. I was very lucky that she was born healthy and a good 7lbs. 6 oz. even though I had only gained 20lbs. while I was pregenant.

I miss her everyday. And pray for her often. I hope, and pray, that I get to meet her one day. She will be 17 on April 25th this year. She may be the only one I ever have. And, I know, that I will never have the bond that she shares with her adoptive parents. And, that so saddens me. So, the next time things start to get you down about being a disabled parent, just remember this story, and be very grateful that you get to have them at all. I, and many others like me, may never get to experience parenthood at all. I hope this didn't sound bad. It's not how I meant it. I'm just a little blue tonight over this again. Thanks for reading, all that do.

Peace,and Love,
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Old 03-30-2007, 06:20 AM   #2
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Old 03-30-2007, 07:35 AM   #3
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Oh cgirl, I am so sorry your mother did all that to you! I can't imagine how she could rationalize that kind of destructive behavior towards her own daughter, but SHE was the one with the problem not you...I hope you don't blame yourself over that, you did the right thing giving her up, it would have been next to impossible for you to care for a daughter at that age and without the support of your family. What you did took a lot of courage and LOVE, so hopefully she knows that you loved her, I am sure she does. I wish there was more I could say to make you feel better, but just know that I am here just like the others if you need to talk, that's what the board is here for so you talk away okay?

I definitely feel blessed to have my son, he's my one and only and I love him more then I have ever loved anyone in life. It's not easy because of his disability coupled with my own physical one, but I am feeling much better now that he's doing better because of being back in school. He makes me so very happy, most of the time, and when he's miserable I am miserable. It's a connection I have the utmost respect for and I am proud of him for developing and growing up as he's doing even if sometimes he's acting out on me, he's still a special and unique little man who I will always love. I'm sorry you're feeling so blue last night, I hope it's better today.

It's hard when you carry around a lot of guilt about the past, that is something I know about and hate that I do, but I can't help it. All I can say is we're here for you and to be kind to yourself, you did the best you could and that's all anyone can ever ask for.
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