[rsd kitti]

Hi it's nice to see that this is here. I have a teen son in high school and I am a single parent now.I got divorced in the middle of my illness . I have raised my son alone most his life. I was married the first time for almost 11 yrs than when my teen was 5 months I left my 1st exhusband got remarried when my son was 7 then got divorced when he was 13 yrs old. I am in a wheelchair going on June 14th will be 4 yrs since I had my illness a yr later I was off crutches and put in a chair I still am in my cast going on 4 yrs. I broke 5 bones in my foot and I have RSD but I have been ill since he was 2 yrs old I had a sugery that the dr didnt take time even though he knew he did something wrong and so I was on feeding tubs for almost 6 yrs the month I got remarried I was told I had to get off because what it was doing to in body I had almost died 3-4 times and been on a vent and monthly infections . So I have been holding on or a lot of yrs without keeping food inside and now this .I feel so guilty for all of this and he is the most gentle caring man so I guess I have done something right but Im in bed most of hours daily and this summer I want to put so much time doing things because this might be the last summer I have because I have stage 3 /full body RSD and its just the one last tried painful level the pain specialist have tried everything but nothing has worked to make it more liveable .My child is never been wanting me miss anything at school I always ask doesnt this me in a chair now hard on you he says no some kids ask but I dont care he tells everyone about it.He wants to start an site and a fundraiser tto help if a cure and to help more people that need medical things. He is a great kid but I feel so much guilt for being sick his hole live that he remembers and my second exhusband adopted him 4 month before me falling and braking me foot and then RSD. None of them have any rights or anything to do with them if he wanted them to . I am going to make this the best summer if I can but I need to have more help with us because my health is hanging so fast my son doent really care he has been seeing a PHD since he was 5 because I was from a divored family and thought it was me so I wanted to make sure he didnt think it was because of him so they have been helping him with my illness but we gave a great relationship he used to run in to my bedroom and jump on to the bed and tell me I always said to him one day he will not want me to know everythng and it started after I broke my foot after we had my ex arrested he was so happy and he said that he feels like he didnt tell me so it was his fault so we talk about that I say no all the time to him and he wouldnt even hug me or anything he aid it was because of my pain I remind him that I hurt know matter what so he isnt going to hurt me anymore and I would raither he hug me and kiss me then nothing so he is starting to go bak to the way it used o be and he is laughting again the last month at least once a day so our life is starting to come back put he has medical issues to heart and touretts not voice motion motivement and OCD and anxity disoder so live has always been different but he says what family is normal we are the closest he says compaired to other friends live and he says he is the luciest because Im here when ever he needs me or he says all his friends think he is so lucky they all know me before the chair and after but they think he is so lucky because Im here and I would do anything and they say Im still as fun as I was but Im so tired and my son has started telling me that he can see the big change in me in the last few months I have a hard time writing and seeing ect. Im now been getting bad headache, I only see colors and my emails like spelling and my thinking is very bad so I hope this makes more sense. he sees that I need more help so Im asking my dr to get me some we used to have help but I cant work so I cant pay for it anymore so I found out my insurance does so Im really glad know. So can somebodie tell me how not to be more guity feeling. I dont know how to and the guilt I have more and more everyday its getting harder he never says anything to make me feel bad but I do more and more..............So if anyone can help me then that would be great because of my guilt is harder and harder. I would do anything for my son he is my everything I keep making a promise to myself keep fighting so I can see him graducate high school 3 more years if longer I would love that because Im only 39 I was 37 when this accident happned. Learning to be a mom and dad and everything in a chair is hard and learning how to do things how to learn without any help how to be everything from a chair I havent walked in 4 yrs and have had the same walking boot on its so hard life is so different but Im trying so if anyone can help that would be great. I will check here and you can find me in RSD fourma Reflex Symphectic Dystophy.

Thank you to everyone.......................

Gentle hugs
Karen/ rsd kitti