[rsd kitti]

Dearest moonstar and Christine,
Thank you so much for understanding the feeling because we are moms and ill. Im soory moonstar that i havent written back intil today. You both have shard your feelings and yoour guilt I have not been able to email back my headaches and other problems are getting worse and I have been in bed straight without even getting up for the restrrom for over a week I cant get my head off my pillow I go Thurs. to get the MRI . I am scared beause know matter what the see my specialist says Im up the creek. I had my mom finally come Sat because I had home health social worker came to help see if there is things that would help me and she knows what aresa to go and my thinking isnt good anymore so I needed someone here. my mom came I knew this lady before when my dr asking for this she asked what do I want to do I said not be here anymore I dont and cant do this . She had tires in her eyes we spent alot of time together before and she know what kind of mom I am and it was sad for her to hear me say that knowing me. My mom even had a sad look. She said that because a week before a nurse was out and said it might be time for hospic to get involed I saidd no .I worked as a hospic nurse all my life half my live for 15 yrs about. she asked me if I thought about assistance living I said yes when my son is in college he will be in 10th coming up school year see said okay for now but to think specially after the test them i said what the nurse said she said oh really okay then she was going to check into long term necause what they do is get people who will and people who care and love me together and talk will a PHD annd tell them how imporant it is ffor supporting me in things I need and how I feel and how they fell I looked at my mom and she she yes that wouls be great I said yes then maybe they can understand me, so we will see.I dont think my mom will and my dad has cancer for the second time and he is 8 hours away and we both have pulled away. so there is no one but people here and Im on myspace and I have meet wonderful people and small groups that are getting chairs and meds and things that we cant get for them so I get to talk to them eeryday when I can I started helping with a concert here to raise money for them so I have gotten involved but the headaches have slowed me down I cant do much now and I cant drive anymore so its taken that away but they people are coming here on the 5th for an intervieew her daughter is 16 and she is very bad right now. But THANK YOU BOTH FOR BEING HERE AND LISTENING AND TALKING AND I HOPE WE CAN DO THIS AGAIN AND CHECK IN WITH EAACH OTHER.......................My hearts go out to both of you Im here anytime to I can listen also so please use me................Thank you....I want to wriye more but Im having a very bad day. I will let you know what happens........

GENTLE HUGS TO BOTH AND REALLY THANK YOU Karen / rsd kitti

[Idealist]

Karen, I know that this will sound generic, but dear, you really have no reason to feel guilty about your son. When you think of all the parents who can do just about anything with their kids, but then choose not to...well, they are the ones who have real reasons to feel guilty.

Giving your son all the love you have is the greatest gift he'll ever have in his life! My youngest daughter was five years old when I became ill, and she has spent nearly the past five years spending most of her time with me. We read books, watch movies, and have a really good time, but I know that she has given up many things she would like to do simply because of me, and for the longest time that made me feed terribly guilty. But then I finally realized that I should be proud of her, because even at her young age she was capable of figuring out what was most important in life.

I do so hope that you get your help, and manage to make this the greatest year that you and your son have ever shared! But please don't waste one minute of it feeling guilty.

[rsd kitti]

Thank you Idealist, You are right and kids always if you raised them with everything you have they do understand. I have been ill with something besides RSD since my son was 2 years old he is 15 now. Its been me and him most of his life maybe I feel more guilty of that because I always wanted him to have a father and my 2nd ex adopted him and waked away to but you are right we are so close and we share things we talk openly so he knows he can always come to me I might freak for a few minutes but if I didnt i wouldnt be the mom I am and all his friends even say he is so lucky to have me as his mom .So you are right and thank you for saying those nice things. I think the last few weeks have gotten better someone said because i keep saying to my son where do you want to go France , Spain Hawaii London anywhere he says I dont know i didnt get it intil someone that made a nice compent to me on myspace he someone I dont know he doesnt have kids and he is in his mid 40s he said I hope you dont mind but I saw the pics of you( Me) and my son and the poem my son wrote about me and he said he just wanted to say that we are so close and seems like we are so close and he said that he is still a mommys boy at his age and so will my son and I should love it and this man just like you took the time and its I think is more real when a man says what you did and what he did because you are men real men to me and he even like you said listen to your son he doesnt care about going somewhere nice like those places its you and maybe little ones here and there and the rest curled up even at 15 and watch a movie together or he loves to read at a college level he can read to me and we can do art things he wants to do a page on RSD and run it and have it in my honor .I think you are right we both are lucky it sounds like it to me we did something right we our wonderful kids and I shouldnt feel bad even through he doesnt have a man in his life because he might of been like someone ealse and if his friends are wishing I was there mom that makes him fell wonderful and special. I feel greatful I wake up and love him every minute and I will always be part of him .I wouldnt change him and I need to try not to fell guilty I do need to just enjoy every time we laugh and smile and cry and all the things and enjoy people that are having the same fellings so Im not alone . Thank you for taking the time and helping me through this I hope I can help you also oneday with something. Im here usually RSD area but Im here. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU SAID ALOT.........................Best Wishes to you and your kids (IM sorry Ithink you have more than one if not sorry) Best to you Karen/ rsdkitti

[Idealist]

Karen, I know that this will sound generic, but dear, you really have no reason to feel guilty about your son. When you think of all the parents who can do just about anything with their kids, but then choose not to...well, they are the ones who have real reasons to feel guilty.

Giving your son all the love you have is the greatest gift he'll ever have in his life! My youngest daughter was five years old when I became ill, and she has spent nearly the past five years spending most of her time with me. We read books, watch movies, and have a really good time, but I know that she has given up many things she would like to do simply because of me, and for the longest time that made me feel terribly guilty. But then I finally realized that I should be proud of her, because even at her young age she was capable of figuring out what was most important in life.

I do so hope that you get your help, and manage to make this the greatest year that you and your son have ever shared! But please don't waste one minute of it feeling guilty.