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Old 10-09-2014, 04:27 PM   #1
confusedmom
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Question New here, mom of 17 year old daughter

Hi all.

I searched for "how to discipline my bipolar teen" and found this group. Along with being diagnosed about 4-6 months ago with bp, she also suffers from OCD, anxiety, and PTSD as a result of a rape 3 years ago. She's been hospitalized twice in the past 18 months and after her second hospitalization, we learned of a program called "partial hospitalization". What a Godsend! Her regular school district (where she had missed over 60 days of school due to severe anxiety and suicidal ideation) was extremely supportive and was required to provide transportation for her. So, she went there to focus primarily on mental health, with academics being secondary. She thrived and made steady progress until she was discharged in August (she chose to attend their summer schedule 2-3 days each week). She has continued with the same psychiatrist every two weeks and sees a therapist in her regular high school on a daily basis. She is a senior and only needs 4 credits to graduate, but I'm starting to see some backsliding.

All she does is eat and sleep. If I don't buy any sweets, she will make an excuse to go out somewhere and she'll buy something crappy to eat. She is a stunning girl but now, she is overweight by about 50 pounds and I hate seeing her like this. I talked to her psychiatrist today and told him I don't want her to end up like me (I'm obese). He encouraged her to go to the gym (she was gung-ho about going in March), start eating better, and try not to sneak food.

She is somewhat immature and I don't trust her about some things. Overall, she is a good kid who has never once touched drugs or alcohol, comes home before her curfew and is an excellent driver. She seems to be experimenting with some sexual things and I don't know how to approach her about it.

I also don't know how to punish her when she breaks a rule or really pushes the boundaries. If I yell at her (and I have a quick temper), she cries and disappears and I worry that I will push her into some sort of breakdown. But then I think, I can't treat her any differently than I do my other two younger daughters. What's a mom to do????
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Old 10-09-2014, 05:27 PM   #2
Dmom3005
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One part think of her age, and find the discipline that works for the age.
Also each child is different. And needs disciplined different.

I would consider taking the privilege of being out later, if that is what
she has broke the rule. Just remember even though she has problems,
she is close to an adult.

Also maybe get an family membership at an gym.
Go together, or let the kids go.

Donna
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Old 10-09-2014, 09:07 PM   #3
Mari
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Hi,

When does she turn 18?
After 18 she is going to make her own decisions.
Try to establish good patterns now, esp birth control.

Talk to her doctor about putting her on birth control -- maybe the IUD. There are new studies about the IUD begin the the most reliable for young people.
(Teenagers are not careful about these things, especially teenagers who are impulsive).
http://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/20...ly-prescribed/

You cannot discipline her. She is sick.
Disciplining her is like insisting that a ten year old with to broken legs go up the stairs on his own to get to bed on time.

This support group is good for parents and family members (depending on your location):
National Alliance on Mental Illness
http://www.nami.org

The medications she is on cause the weight gain.
With every medication, we have to weigh the benefits with the disadvantages.
Often the disadvantages involve weight gain.

Science is working on the weight gain.
The medications trigger intense cravings for sweets and carbs.
Some medications are less bad than others about those cravings than other medications -- check with her doctor.


Mari
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Old 10-09-2014, 09:24 PM   #4
Mari
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Default how to help a loved one

This is a very good link.

Ten Things You Can Do to Help a Loved One with Bipolar Disorder
http://www.dummies.com/how-to/conten...eat-sheet.html


Here is a free download of the book Bipolar Disorder for Dummies:
>> http://www.ebook3000.com/Bipolar-Dis...ies_20705.html


Here is the book
http://www.ebook3000.com/Bipolar-Dis...ies_20705.html


This is regarding mania:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7S-qFNzOhM


5 Types of Bipolar Disorder (Mental Health Guru)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyJn_3LkE8w

I used to have mixed episodes -- they were horrible -- I have no idea how I am still alive.

++++++
This is absolutely fabulously helpful.
What Medication for Bipolar Disorder Does and Doesn't Do
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uO3U8oX145A



M
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Old 10-09-2014, 09:49 PM   #5
confusedmom
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dmom3005 View Post
One part think of her age, and find the discipline that works for the age.
Also each child is different. And needs disciplined different.

I would consider taking the privilege of being out later, if that is what
she has broke the rule. Just remember even though she has problems,
she is close to an adult.

Also maybe get an family membership at an gym.
Go together, or let the kids go.

Donna
Thanks so much Donna! She is great about getting home on time and has never broken curfew. As a matter of fact, when she first got her license and I allowed her to drive about 30 minutes away from home, she got lost. I was very worried about her as she was at least an hour late. She turns off her cell phone when she's driving (another good thing that she does) and when she called me to tell me she was lost and the gps wasn't working, she immediately said that she had pulled over. She took a different on ramp to the highway and wasn't really lost, just ended up going about 15 additional miles. And, we do have a family membership to the gym. I go for water aerobics 2-3 times each week and have been trying to do more, but it's hard when she doesn't go with me. The other two will go, but they tend to just run the track or run on the treadmill while I prefer more of what my oldest prefers; weights, elliptical, and rowing.
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Old 10-09-2014, 10:06 PM   #6
confusedmom
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Thank you Mari! The links are a wonderful source and I'll definitely look into all of them. She turns 18 in February. My husband and I have already had the "you live in our house, you follow our rules" talk with her and she agrees. As far as birth control, she is on the pill and since I have control of all of her meds, I know she takes it every day at the same time. And, we've had a lot of discussions about safety and she carries condoms in her purse. I have seen her buy more (she left a receipt in a bag that I was going to recycle) so I'm fairly certain she uses them. The sexual stuff seems to be part of her manic side - her sisters tend to tell me what she's done. She hasn't had intercourse in over a year since she and her long-time boyfriend broke it off. She's pretty open with me about sex and I try to tell her that she doesn't have to do anything for a boy just because she did stuff with her boyfriend, but she doesn't get it. Her psychiatrist ordered some blood work today to see if there are any thyroid issues....

And, your point about punishing her is a good one. It's probably the point that makes me feel like such a terrible mother when I do yell at her or take away her tablet. She doesn't do anything terrible. It's just little things like eating in her room, not taking out the garbage, not doing any dishes, and talking back. Typical teenage stuff that she is capable of doing.
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Old 10-09-2014, 10:11 PM   #7
confusedmom
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Oh, and when I said in my original post that she seems to be experimenting sexually and I don't know how to approach her about it.... The "approach" was really about everything that I don't approve of. She tells me frankly that if she was out with a guy, they had oral or they just "messed around". I guess what I really mean is how do I get her to stop that? Does that make more sense?
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Old 10-09-2014, 10:36 PM   #8
Dmom3005
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Yes it does Confusedmom.

I think one of the things you can do is get her the pamplets, and information
about why she needs to be careful with her body.

When it comes to the gym, what there does she like. I would work
on her just accompanying you. Even sitting while you do aerobics in
water.

Donna
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Old 10-10-2014, 06:00 PM   #9
Mari
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Hi, Confusedmom,

I recognize that you are concerned about your daughter's behavior.

Be mindful that she has two serious diagnoses and a traumatic event in her history.

Help her get healthy.
Ask her what she needs from you so that she can help herself.

For example, maybe eating in her room is good for her.

Mari
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