I just found this board and well, just kinda need to know I'm not alone. Basically, this is my story. If you get all the way through, then thanks, if not, don't feel bad, this is as much a vent as anything. I just need to get it out.

My stepson used to have issues due to abuse that he had incurred. We worked with him and his mother and he is now a different child. So, patting ourselves on our backs we decided that we had overcome the worst challenge we could as parents. Boy were we wrong. We had my son and he was about as perfect as could be sensitive, but very compliant. Then my daughter. Well, she wasn't compliant, she was EXTREME. Hairpulling extreme. At 18 months old she was scaling bookcases at 2 in the morning and throwing things off the top. At 2 she started destroying furniture and physically attacking her older brothers. At three she started trying to use weapons on bad days and on good days would throw herself off of windowsills and jungle gyms. We took her into get her help and our PCM told us she was ummmm, strong willed. Then, I woke up at 3 a.m. to the dogs barking, went to them and found my daughter with a butcher's knife cutting up onions. I finally decided that regardless of what her PCM said, we NEEDED help.

We lied to the PCM. Well, kinda, we told the PCM that our daughter was a danger to herself and to us. So she reluctantly sent us to a psychiatrist. At first they said it was ADHD, ODD, and a language disorder. So she has been on Risperdol for about a year. They did that mostly for her safety, and partially for my sanity as dh had been deployed and I was only getting about 3 hours of sleep at night considering I couldn't take shifts with dh anymore. Since then, they tried to add adderall because her violent episodes got so bad. She was once again attacking her brothers and was getting more violent. The adderall backfired, BADLY, she became MORE violent, slept less, started wetting the bed and wetting her pants during the day, became so bad that I came VERY close to harming her, and I have NEVER harmed a child. Even when my stepson was at his worst and tried to kill his brother who at the time was 4 weeks old, I STILL didn't come even close to harming him. So, they have now gone back over all her records from day one and decided to try her on abilify. They truly believed it was a mood disorder. I am almost sad to say that they were right. I no longer fear for my 2 year old. She actually looked at my husband a couple days ago and said, "I want to BEAT UP BUBBY". That was AMAZING because she actually SAID it, but DIDN'T GO AND DO IT!! YEAH!!


But, I don't want to be prematurely happy about this. I mean this diagnoses carries ALOT of issues. I mean, it isn't like ADHD where she will grow out of it, this is forever. So, part of me is happy, we figured it out. Another part is dreading it because, though she is better, we are still having bad times. And, she isn't adjusting to the med very well. But that is a different post.

If you got this far, then THANK YOU for reading this far. And any advice you can give me to survive this I would truly appreciate.

I am very sorry for you that your daughter is so violent. Very understandable that you are really afraid for her future. I have seen a whole lot of difference in a child that was clearly troubled but could not convey what the problem was. Years later, she could explain that a teacher was emotionally abusing her. She was by then able to defend herself, because this child was committed to an institution, just newly founded, that did nothing but OBSERVE her for six months. She was in a group of 8 children maximum. They had well-trained personnel, also physically. She had a wonderful time and returned home reborn, with the diagnosis that she was absolutely normal. BECAUSE THEY DID NOTHING. When a child really behaved in a way that was too disturbing or threatening to others it would be put in "the green room". There was absolutely nothing in there. After the child had calmed down for half an hour, it would be let out and no more was said about it. When they had to come in from the huge garden, they had to be caught. Personnel running after them, and carrying them indoors. They had to comply with certain rules but they were MADE to comply in a fun-loving way, that allowed kids to be kids. Some of them returned home much better, others had to go to another institution and stay there. Nobody ever talked with or at them about their behaviour. Nobody tried to correct anything, they just regulated by physically restraining. A lot of wholesome interaction between the kids did the rest.

Maybe this helps you in some way. You are clearly a person full of love. You and your little one's, also the unhappy one, deserve better than this.

PS This same child was, as a very young baby, suspected of having apnoe issues. The pediatrician concluded that this child was extremely strong willed and stubborn, therefore it cried at the top of her voice until it was litterally out of breath. Mom took note, forewarned is forearmed, and made sure she a) made sure to at exactly six months make it clear to her that she would go to sleep at 8 pm and not come out until 6 am. It worked after 3 nights. b) screened each instance of new behaviour for desirability in future, or in other circumstances, and made sure to nip anything undesirable in the bud by restraining. This worked very well. The girl is a wonderfull teen these days.