I wish BT hadn't gone down, I hope you see this, please let us know how you're doing...

Thanks Pam. Been a while since I have been here. We are getting by, day by day. Me moment by moment.

I am mentally, emotionally exhausted.

They put my son in an outpatient crisis treatment program. I am definitely not happy about it. I practically begged them to keep him in the hospital but I guess they had other plans. Fortunately though the psych through the program was very kind, understanding and easy to talk to, or I should say my son liked him so he has agreed to take two new meds.

You know, that is all I wanted. I was more than willing to forget all the other meds if he would just take one of his psych meds. He was so loaded up on meds, mostly nutritional supplements and just got so sick of taking pills and was sick of everyone else running his life and telling him what to do. He wanted to be in control for a change. LOL, well we saw how that worked out. A trip to the ER by the police is how that went. He never gave me the chance to make the offer, to try the compromise. He just flew into a rage about 'oh yeah, it's all about the meds, all about what you want'.

He is terribly manic, prone to rages over nothing then shortly thereafter he is apologetic, then crying because he is sick of how he feels. I think some may have been withdrawal even though he never took any of these new meds regularly. I dread him calling me because he usually wants something of me, I dread being in the same space as him, he drains me. We get along, we laugh, we talk, he gets obnoxious, angry, cusses, I ignore, gets worse, I reprimand, silence, start all over again. This can happen in the space of ten minutes. When I leave him I am so tired I can sleep for an hour or two.

He is staying with my mother right now but will be home for the weekend. I am dreading it.

My fiance and him got into a fist fight not long ago and the police were called. They were going to take both of them if I hadn't of found a place for my son to stay the night. I should have let them take them both.

He will be 17 on the 5th, closer to being out on his own. He really wants to get a job and be out in the world but what he is not understanding is he can't do that without his meds.

I don't know, we will see. I love him with all my heart and all of my worst fears for him have come to pass these last two years.

Thanks for asking about me Pam. Sorry it is so long. There really is a lot more but this is plenty more than was needed I am sure.

I am devastated about BT, I have been crying on and off for the last 5 days. We have the PMs until Saturday so we are all passing around email addys.

Think I will take a nap to prepare for this evening's therapy session.

Sending you some hugs.

I left you a message on the other thread. I'm not good at telling what my son
was like with the intermittent.

But it was very much throwing punches, going off the wall for no reason. Just not knowing why he was upset. It was like he had to be upset and had no reasons. We always dealt with this.

I will try to answre more later.

donna

I was pretty upset about BT too, but David got it working again! So it's back up! Always remember though Christina, you CAN come here to post and vent too if something happens at BT again okay? I post in this forum here the most because the BT BP forum is so slow now that some people were banned. I am so sorry that you've got so much stuff brewing right now and another weekend to get through. I hope your son's new pdoc can get him to take his meds again, maybe he will get tired of the rollercoaster and decide it for himself too. I was really worried because I knew you were in crisis when BT broke, I wish I had emailed you sooner, but I was worried he was with you and your other son and bf and that you weren't able to reply.

I'm here if you need me, hang in there and keep taking it one day at a time, that's the best you can do and that's all anyone can ask for. *hug* Thanks for posting, I'm still plenty worried, but at least I know now you have an outlet for your pain, that helps a LOT, I know because of how bad things got last year with my son and how talking about it with friends online was one big thing that helped get me through it. Hang in there Chris!