Laura, I think both you and the docs got and gave everything possible in the time you had available. Let your heart focus on your mother for now. She is blessed to have you able to do that freely now. I will keep you both in my prayers.
Robert

i agree with Robert. And do focus on your mother now. This time with her is precious. May the coming months with her bring you both peace.

Jean

the hard part is that i really wanted her to know her daughter did not have pd when she left us. i wanted her to know i would be ok. i didnt want her to worry about me any more. i hoped and prayed i could tell her so. i wanted to be able to go over there and help her without seeing the look of concern in her eyes. she needs help, and i want to give it. freely. i really do. without the mumbo jumbo crap that my body goes through.

this is so very hard.

Honey,

Yes indeed watching a dear beloved mother slowly prepare to leave this 'body' and world as we know it is painfully hard. Skip FORWARD: There will one day be a "NEW Heaven and a NEW Earth". All things here are temporal, therefore look toward "The Day Ahead" when all pain and sufferings shall cease "To Be No More". To GOD be the Glory, Great Things He Hath Done!!!

have stopped taking mirapex. horrid horrid withdrawels. knowing what the symptoms are for the withdrawels makes it easier. been 7 days. easier today than yesterday. cannot express the reason why now.

Harley,

When you are able, could you please share how you are getting off the mirapex? And what it is like? We have tried a couple of times and not been able to do it yet. It is horrible, and we couldn't do it despite really WANTING to get off mirapex. How much were you on and how are you titrating off of it? Have you been able to function at all, and have you had to take gobs of tylenol or some other substitute for the pain? Anything you can share would be very helpful to the wanna-bes! Thank you.

Mirapex is hell getting off the 'merry-go-round' once you have been on it for any length of time. I found out the effects before I was too far along thank goodness, yet it was hard enough still. Please keep us posted how you are doing. I am concerned when I don't hear from you one way or another.

first off..my docs do not know i am doing this, so what i say is definately not to be taken as anything sound. i am just fed up after my trip to oregon. i will explain later. i was on a dose of .5 x 3 daily when i went to my mothers. i forgot the bottle of mirapex so just decided to stay off. the first couple of days it wasnt too bad, but began to really feel the harshness of the withdrawel on day 3. so i came home. day 4 and 5 incredibly hard feeling stabbing pains in my legs and my nerves felt like they were exploding. i was mainly in bed most of the day. yesterday still bad and i made myself get up and try to walk. today, probablya tad better. walked outside a bit, not as much pain. i found flexerall, a muscle relaxant is helping. as is ibuprofan.

knowing what withdrawels to expect and knowing i will need to go through hell to get free of that med keeps my mindset pointed in one direction.. resolve. i am not giving up or giving in. i am tired of the label. i will be free of it. after mirapex, then will come stalevo.

Honey, it will be worth it.......if I can help let me know. Keep THE FAITH!!!

ohsu (oregon health and science hosp) wants me once a week for three months for intense and extensive study which will include pd and conversion disorder and all involved with each possibility. they want mee to have temporary lodging in portland and they want me to begin as soon as i find lodging.

my mother is getting worse, end of chemo and having fluid drained weekly now. doc says 4 months tops. stress of this is killing me. need relief. stress of the thought of leaving her is killing me..

omg
what do i do?

still off of mirapex.

Finding Peace

How do you heal, my God?
The gust of Your breath penetrates my air
and gently, my reality is revealed in the mist.
The residue from tears evaporate in Your sun
leaving a rainbow from each day’s hard survival.
The hues have been identified with single significance.
Their combined brilliance clarifies my hindsight.
Yet I am in pain.

Will You show me purpose, Lord?
I stand far from charred remains of shipwrecks
scattered hither along the shore of my island.
The vivid detail of their stark silhouettes
wane and flex with important declaration.
Where decisions have been altered by passages of time,
The distance is not too far for memory.
Ghosts still wander where I have declared mutiny.

Is my faith enough, oh God?
I have nothing to offer than what You have given me.
Only by awakening to the importance of all truth
can I discover the embodiment of You complete.
These potholes of quicksand that surround my stance
Solidify when I step upon them in Your name.
My purpose becomes only a mere vision
When my pride lets go of Your hand.

Where will I find peace Father?
Too many crossroads and interruptions of intent
have broken my need to analyze what this life is.
Idealisms have become conjectures lodged in my throat
rendering me quietly in wait for maturity of thought.
I will remain where I stand in silent solitude
to hear the whisper of Your voice.
I give this all to You.

© Laura J Dean