Originally Posted by Conductor71

Interesting, Rick. I can say that I have an alcoholic parent who I am still parenting. When he is sober, he says very little. When he is drunk, he says too much. Moondaughter hits it...no boundaries. Needless to say, my father, who also has a tremor (PD never emerged), doesn't know of my diagnosis though I need him now more than ever. I am that vigilant child again looking out for him... Is this what happens to me for protecting my father's fragile emotional state?

In this regard I do have that "classic PD" personality trait, but here is where we differ. Instead of avoiding novelty, I embraced it. I feared it, mind you, yet I embraced it. When most people were married and having kids, I was quitting a professional position and gallivanting off to Paris at the ripe age of 32...married at 33! <gasp>. Divorced. First child at age 41. I have done just the opposite of what was expected of me.

Rick, I think your theory is sound, I just want to point out that being reserved or non-risk taking as a expression of PD doesn't fit for all of us. Rather we should look to expression of extremes. Novelty seeking vs. stability; they are just sides of the same coin. Our personalities are just as imbalanced as the rest of us. Funny, though all the while I was chasing baguettes, I was yearning really for a stable, reliable partner, someone I could depend on, yet no one would have ever guessed it because I didn't even know that is what I needed and wanted...

Laura

Originally Posted by reverett123

Sharilyn-

I wonder if the general umbrella of "childhood stress induced traits" would cover much of it? Hypervigilance would be one of mine. An aversion to anger and a powerful self-control, as well. And an ability to "read" others' emotions. Survival tools when you are young. Do those fit you in some form?
Yes, and I would wager this to be common in people who exhibit any of the multiple anxiety disorders

Chronic elevation of powerful chemicals would take a toll of some sort. We know that adrenaline (acute stressor) sends us off the deep end. Is it because we over produce or over react, I wonder? And the aversion to anger, etc. Is it simple conditioning ala Skinner? Or does a part of us know that those chemicals destroy us, so we avoid them and seek not novelty? The Hero pays a price. That is one of the reasons he got the job.

Originally Posted by reverett123

Laura-
I am sorry, but I should have continued my tale of life. Leaving it as I did gives only part of the picture.

We last saw Hero Child (that's me) trying to hold it all together as the leaks in the dam worsened and the jute mill exploded....

At the age of 17, the Counter Culture came to my little corner of Appalachia and I joined up. Heck, I and a half dozen friends opened the local franchise. I stopped trying to save my family, "allowed" my father to commit suicide, and wished my mother well as she boarded a bus to begin a new life in New Orleans. Eating large amounts of illicit chemicals, engaging in wild behaviors, and generally turning my bare butt to society. But, even in these heady days (pun intended), the ingrained nature remained- one does not drive when one should not; anyone who uses a syringe is not welcome in the circle; there's more to it than just getting sloppy; some pills are just an alcohol concentrate and alcohol is dummy dope; etc.

yep yep yep well put - you're funny


Even in embracing decadence I remained stubbornly responsible. As I reached my early 20s and began to emerge from that phase of life, I met my wife and married. Like me, another Hero Child pushing angels aside to get there first, but with the added benefit of her obvious need for me to protect her from the world (silly girl didn't even know it ). Then 25 years of being strong as life delivered blow after blow. And, finally, a tremor as my body said "Enough, already!" Fast forward ten years to today - health ragged, marriage shakey, bankrupt. And I am just as stupidly responsible as ever! Haven't learned a thing on the levels that count. Not sure that I want to anymore. After all, I've ridden the beast this far. And, let's face it, the world would pretty well suck without the Heroes (you know who you are). I just wish it weren't so damned hard. (For the rest of you, I mean. I can handle it. )

Originally Posted by reverett123

....and an interesting read for those who dare not, which is the majority-
http://www.biologyofkundalini.com/

"Ellie Van Winkle suggests emotional repression of the full expression of the fight/flight response and the consequent lack of resolution back to a neutral set point, results in the atrophy and toxicosis in catecholamine-noradrenergic neurons. A toxin is anything that cannot be utilized by the cell, and when elimination is impaired, toxins accumulate to intolerable levels and trigger a detoxification process. This cycle of toxification and detoxification shows up in the form of a mild to extreme disturbance in the emotions and personality.....

....Our brain falls into patterns of cyclic neurotoxicity as a result of emotional repression of the fight/flight mechanism during early trauma, social stress, abandonment or deprivation of needs during in our infancy. Thus the neurotoxicity that is addressed by kundalini awakenings is the repressive mechanism built into our primary wiring (0-5 years development). This initial patterning becomes the template for ongoing emotional repression, and lack of neuron-recouperation, which interferes with the smooth running of our catecholamine "activating" neurons. (The Catecholamine metabolism proceeds from tyrosine, to DOPA, to dopamine to norepinephrine and then to epinephrine.)...

....Babies suppress fight/flight responses when their needs are so unmet that they go into a freeze response. The vegetative unmyelinated vagus controls basic metabolism and responds to stress by "immobilisation behaviours." Domesticated animals including humans are sub-natural when it comes to releasing the tension of both fight/flight and freeze. Also as children under punitive authoritarian rule, when our caretakers and teachers are not truly our "friends," we are encouraged to "lie" by inhibiting the expression of fear, anger, sadness, and so the neurotic, dissociated false self that doesn't know what it feels is built. Kundalini awakenings constitute a mechanism for the ultimate release of this primal repression, allowing our brains to evolve and mature beyond the ongoing cycles of repression/neurotoxicity/detoxification....."

Originally Posted by moondaughter

Yes. Ditto on the emotional tracking mechanism ...i became conditioned as a child to walk on eggshells too however on the opposite end did some galavanting of my own....in search of deep water ()literally adventured off leaving Colorado to Washington and Alaska to do some commercial fishing at 19 years old. it appears to be an interesting relationship to fear here that traverses the extremes without the ability to integrate so the pendulum just keeps swinging. I ended up with a stable reliable partner but the eggshells remained....i'm realizing now that to evolve we have to feel the fear and proceed- successful joyful people are willing to take risks. i was willing to risk everything except when it came to relationships. wreckless abandon was part of the cultural mileaux (sp.?) of the baby boomers wasn't it?

md

Originally Posted by moondaughter

here is a hopeful thought from your website....hopefully we fall into the tranformative side of the equation....new cause of pd identified..the kundalini is trying to awaken...yes!

It is very important to grasp the distinction between “damage” (pathology and disease) and the transformative process of “metamorphosis.” Certain phases of metamorphosis include cellular necrosis and catabolic breakdown, for the new cannot grow without the removal of the old. Kundalini with its amplified metabolism and nerve activity, and increased oxidation will tend to down-regulate neural and hormonal receptors and rewire the nervous system. However even if we are in the between-slump, when the hyper-functioning has backed off, but our receptors have not yet regrown, we cannot really consider kundalini as being “brain damaging.” We must see all phases of metamorphosis as necessary allostatic changes in the transformation of our organism and the human collective. Once we understand this and intelligently adapt, we can avoid burnout and regression, and thereby learn to keep the gains made through heightened kundalini.

Originally Posted by reverett123

....you actually understood it! Congratulations! (Notice how I, in my humble arrogance, assume that my own understanding is not only correct, but also of a depth to justify judging yours. No wonder the yogis giggle. )


......thats ok rick i forgive you......(back at ya) tho is it understandiing or wishful thinking on my part?

(Did you ever see the Majarishi Mahesh Yogi (sp?) on Johnny Carson? Hilarious! Carson was seldom thrown off his game like that. )