Has anyone here ever tried using those Hopi Ear Candles? Not that I ever considered my tabs as being suitable holders for anything that you set light to...but..being one who is forever looking out for alternative medicine, I happened along this rather strange method of relaxation in a magazine and thought "Hey...got to give these a try"
So...having ordered a pair I watched the post with baited breath and sure enough these little wonders,arrived a couple of days later. I should have been suspect at this stage,for the size of the tube was tantamount to that which you would house a small rug in "B***** H*** "thought I."How the heck am I going to stick carpet sized candles in my ears" but not to be daunted I undid the package and breathed a sigh of relief.There inside were two parchment like sticks,about 9 inches in length,and a leaflet which said;
INDIAN RELAXATION CEREMONY
CALMS THE MIND
SOOTHES THE HEAD AND EARS.

Now what it SHOULD have said was;
INDIAN FLAME THROWING RITUAL
BLOWS YOUR MIND
SCORCHES YOUR HAIR,EARS,EYEBROWS,DOG,CAT,CHAIR......

And should have included a hazhard warning!!!

I began reading the leaflet.
SET THE SCENE it said...
TO GAIN THE BEST EXPERIENCE FROM THESE HOPI EAR CANDLES,CHOOSE A WARM DIMLY LIT ROOM,PUT ON SOME SOOTHING BACKGROUND MUSIC, AND
WORK WITH A PARTNER.
"Pah" I snorted...."the kitchen table will do, a bit of Rolling Stones on the cd player...and Bobs YOur Uncle...ready to go"

But....as I tossed the instructions on one side, [who needs to wade through safety stuff] my son said..."mum,shouldn`t you read that first?"

"Goodness...no" says I,eager to begin my journey into tranquildom and peace.
"of course I don`t need to read it....it can`t be that difficult to do" and I merrily began to ram one of these twigs in my right ear. Bolt upright,I then proceded to ram the other one in my left ear but the right one kept flopping out. Half an hour later I had somehow managed to balance these two candles in my apendages,and if I sort of kept my head square on and very still [[ha ha ha ..that`s a task to accomplish with PD hey?] they remained there,just long enough for me to reach for a box of Swan Vestas.
My son turned towards me and immediatelyh fell off his chair in wild hysteria.
I guess I did kind of look strange,my hair delicately forming loose curls around two semi horizontal candles and me with a blank look on my face,holding a lighted match in my hand.
Undaunted by my sons dramatic reaction [he`s crying with laughter by now] I blindly searched for the end of one of the candles...and HEY...LIT IT!!!!!
And then precariously lit the other one.

Well.....it was like igniting a Roman Candle on bonfire night.
These things popped and hissed,.crackled and exploded,and flames the size of an oil rig flare blazed like Billyo from the sides of my face.
GEE WHIZ I thought."I`ve set my head on fire" and made it to the tap like a bullet out of a gun.My heart was beating like the clappers,sweat was pouring down my face and I imagined the siren of a fire engine homing in from a distance.

As I stood with my head under the tap,complete with L shaped soggy hissing candles,streaks of ash painting patterns down my cheeks,and a look of horror on ,my face,my son still in hysterics,picked up the leaflet and said
" Er...mum.....you should be lying down...on your side....with a partner ...who would then gently insert one candle so that it remains upright.!!! "

WITH A PARTNER!!! Now who`s being funny? Any man worth their salt would not find it a very fetching sight to leave a televised football match at half time to grab a beer,and return to find his once glamorous partner sitting on the sofa,complete with sticks in her ears. THAT my friends is a recipe for divorce!!!

By this time I was hyperventilating,the two dogs had fled under the table,taking out the chairs in their panic,and by this time,my daughter who had wondered at the commotion was standing in the doorway,tutting and shaking her head in disbelief...her face the pallour of grim death.

I attempted a weak smile which was lost in the torrent of cooling water which was putting out the last of the flames.

Complete with crispy fried hair,crispy fried eyebrows,and two bedraggled sticks hanging limply from my ears,I shakily navigated a scene which could have come from the film The Towering Inferno,collapsed onto a chair and picked up the instruction leaflet.

BURNING DOWN...said the words.REMEMBER THE EACH EAR CANDLE HAS TO BE LIT AT THE UNLABELED END OPPOSITE THE SAFETY FILTER.

So it was the safety filter that had exploded like a cork and almost shot the dogs.

ANY CONDENSATION MATERIAL THAT REMAINS ATTACHED TO THE FINE EAR HAIRS SHOULD BE GENTLY REMOVED.

No problem there then...my tabs themselves had almost been removed !

CONTINUE TO ENJOY SOFT RELAXATION MUSIC AND/OR THE SMELL OF AROMATIC ESSENCES DURING THIS PHASE AS WELL.

Well on account of the almighty explosion I now couldn`t hear a ruddy thing,and as for the smell of aromatic essences....the smell of singed hair didn`t quite hit the mark.

A SUBSEQUENT REST OF 15-20 MINUTES WILL POSITIVELY SUPPORT THE OVERALL RESULTS.

I nodded numbly in agreement as I lifted the phone,ready to book myself into a burns and trauma unit.And mumbled.."two weeks convalescence more like it..."

I`ll stick with the requip and sinemet plus. Hopi ear candles? Save them for FEAR FACTOR. I`m through with alternative. Leastways til the next time.....



Steffi
x

Oh, Steffi, what a scene - what a glorious description of the silliest relaxation ritual I have ever heard of. You are a good sport, and very brave. I'm glad your children were there so they could save you from burning more of you than your hair, if it had been necessary. I bet you looked tremendously fetching with a candle in each ear - a lit candle no less.
I'm very glad you did it, it makes a priceless story, and I'm even gladder you lived to tell us about it. You were playing with fire - literally. I think you probably will not be likely to do it soon again.
I'm still laughing. Thank goodness for humor like yours.

birte - hahahahaha

You GO girl! What a riot!

Steffi,

That was hysterical!!!! I laughed out loud!!!! Thank you for sharing that with us!!

Mary Frances

Steffi:

You ARE funny.

Lloyd

steffi, thank you for the belly lauighs! madelyn

...glad to have raised a smile or two. This is nothing compared to my escapade with the Industrial Vaccuum cleaner though!!!

Keep laughing...it`s a great tonic.
xxx

Hi, Steffi...I knew from your very first post to me just a few days ago when I joined this forum that you would be providing some much-needed smiles and laughs.
"Laughter...the best medicine"...As I sat here reading your post, I was visualizing the entire "escapade"...just so funny...

Therese

....so glad to have wrought some laughter.I am afraid I am a walking disaster...therefore seeing humour in much of life`s daily occurences is my only hope of survival.I truly don`t have any idea how I land in such scrapes or indeed where my bizarre thoughts come from.And boy do I have bizarre thoughts.Imagine this.
I am part of the churches worship team...ok? We are frontline ministry...on show,setting the temperature for the rest of the service,and myself and the pastors wife are out on a journey to an award ceremony.On the way we pass this beauticians which has an enormous ..and I mean...ENORMOUOS ...sign outside saying ..COLLAGEN INJECTIONS NOW AVAILABLE AT THIS SALON.
Well...she only had to look at me to know what was going on in my head:

"Oh shall we ? " I said...."the whole worship team?"
And we screamed with laughter as we envisaged the congregation sedately pouring into church the following Sunday...the taped "serene" music lulling them into a sense of spiritual worship....
AND THEN BOOM!!!
The members of the worship team all turn round and take out out the front row with our collagen filled LIPS...

Oh the thought of it...nearly as bizarre as dancing round the school maypole [as a teacher...oh hum] wearing pit boots complete with segues on the soles.
A merry band of troubadouors we looked THAT day...but it didn`t do our teaching cred a fat deal of good.

Ah well...

I didnt know relaxation technique was dangerous!..