All I really want to say is you are a great lady!

Paula - your words are incredibly moving and obviously I am deeply saddened by your news. In a strange way though I find your words comforting. I don’t feel that you are in any way being defeatist by not fighting cancer in the way that you have fought Parkinson’s. If there is one thing I know about you it is that in all respects you are a lioness – proud as one, fight like one, fierce as one, brave as one and in your words you show that you are as dignified as one. Putting a positive spin on your so called "way out" is an inspiration to us all. Love Tom

Thank you Tom for understanding what I meant. We are being prepared in ways that a "healthy" person isn't. Some of us spend most of our lives trying to solve this incredibly complex jigsaw puzzle and the learning is endless...so interesting. i have had so many opportunities and experiences and you are a major player and responsible for many UK friendships. Stay with it, the community depends on you. And thanks for being my friend.

my dear paula,

you have always strived to bring comfort and support to everyone, you have always done your very best to take care of everyone, tend and acknowledge, your tender sensitive and kind heart and soul shines, despite what can or would be a time of health or crisis for most.

i just can not find the appropriate words to praise your eloquence and poise, i love, admire and respect you a lot dear lady.
tammy

"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in."

-Leonard Cohen from Anthem

Paula, dear friend,
over the last 11 or 12 years we have both grown and become stronger,
and so has our friendship. I am enormously blessed to have known you, more of an adult because I have known you, become more loving because I have known you...and watched more movies on TV than I ever thought possible! We always have a good time--all different kinds of "good." And best of all we always laugh.

Who ever thought we'd be comparing radiation therapy experiences? Sharing our beliefs and NOT debating, for a change? Wish I could get to FL to see you again, but I'll see you later, at the Dance--the one on the Other Side.

Love, respect, delight, joy, and laughter,

Jaye

I just randomly logged on to this site. Pain off the top of the charts. Still not diagnosed after being passed around from doctor to doctor since February 2012. They think they have it down to RSD in foot or Charcot Marie Tooth. I feel so alone. Lots of people love me but I'm sure they can't comprehend the level of pain or how it plays with my head.

Anyway......

Randomly hit your posts just now. You've given me a lot to think about. I'm not a religious person so have to get through this the hard way. You are going through so much more than I and are handling it with such grace. Don't know if I can do that. I'll keep reading and trying.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Have you tried the Cleveland Clinic?

not to be morbid but it is an advantage to be able to plan your own service. then it will go as you dictate. All I need is this thread.

it flows with creativity, understanding. warmth, and beauty; this is a place of harmony and caring. my family is printing it out; they don't need to search for words. They are all here and expressed with honesty. Each worded from individual perspectives; Ann T does your post mean you are not still afraid of me? lol...so long ago and u had a right to be. this forum developed kind of like a volcanic eruption that has settled but humming with information.

we are inside each other's head. many years of that is like carving a sculpture. we have to leave some time, but at this point death is a release for me. it will set me free from what is now poorly controlled pd and my only chance would have been gene therapy - a trial with GDNF. At one per month......well.....so this timing is perhaps a good one for me although i believe as Imad that only God determines the day, but knowing it's coming enables me to tie up many loose ends.

it's a time to forgive and be at peace. family squabbles are over unimportant things and slowly go away.

we already lost bandido bob in the book group. i hope i get to see it published and if faizan is doing a documentary you will see my aqua zumba class....lol......it was one of the last i attended. i hope to get back after radiation [to shrink the tumor]. radiation exhausts u in ways that are much harder to overcome than pd.

it's the only treatment i'm taking and i'm trying to avoid a feeding tube. at the end of radiation, i'm hoping for energy again to go back to class. meds aren't working well and i'm getting a nuisance of a dyskinetic right leg. i finally look good from behind in my bathing suit as the bulges that stick out over the top of the back are gone. Unfortunately, i only weigh 110 lb. and if i lose more will probably have to get a peg tube. i get hydrated a few times a week. It' not fun.

this thread helps my family, with 2 daughters who are in their 20s and quickly putting past resentments to rest and now are with me everyday they have off. my 9 yr old grandson is a little angry and impatient with me and sadly, i couldn't manage him alone for more that a day. my other grandson is 5 months old and so chubby i can barely lift him. but he is mellow and plays......i love them dearly. i guess i won't see either daughter wed. the mother is engaged but wants to lose the weight she gained and wait for the baby to be more independent before wedding. my youngest daughter just went to europe alone and is now communicating with Orville. from Austria. He has a farm and competes in horse shows. i said "farm? two words: animal poop". I asked if she would be picking cherries and baking pies in the kitchen,she said, "what would be wrong with that?" Indeed. I was in Hawaii at age 23 and didn't come back for almost 11 years. but she has one more year of school left before she should go cherry picking and clean up animal poop in Austria.

ok this is now too long but it is therapuetic and this situation, tho sad, is setting me free as life has poor quality now. when you ask yourself, as laura did,"what about the God thing?" how many times have u heard mike fox say if he had to do it over again he wouldn't change it? i agree but from a different perspective. God [in my opinion] wants us to be prepared, tested, refined,and he works through people. He doesn't wave a magic wand. In spite of it all, i feel nothing but love. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be..isn't that all anyone wants?

with love and peace

it's not more than I can bear thanks to your help. i feel as you do ...neither of us has the energy to visit one another. we have different aspirations now but in the end we will be dancing. keep up the fight; you are making it.