[aj04]

When applying for SSDI, it is depressing to catalogue all the things that PD hath wrought: how it has affected you so far and what it has done to the expectations, hopes, and dreams, you have/ had for your future. But, (and this is coming from a glass-half-empty kind of person) it is a good time to think about and reflect on what your PD means to you and your life. We are given so little space to come to our own terms with our PD. Everyone wants us to have a positive attitude with a chin-up slogan and a "can do" smile. Which, if you can manage it may serve you well, but that is only half the story.

Do you know any Grimm's Fairy Tales? Cinderella, for instance. The part about the glass slipper not fitting the ugly stepsisters? In Grimm’s, the one stepsister cuts off her big toe to make the golden slipper fit and when the bloodied slipper gives her away, the second stepsister cuts off her heel in order to make the slipper fit. Only when the again bloodied slipper gives away the imposter does Cinderella get a chance to try it on…and, well, the rest you probably know (except maybe the part where the stepsisters are blinded by birds who peck out their eyes).

Mostly, people would like to deal with PD—either their own or a friend’s or family member’s—like a Disney’s Cinderella: no knives, no mutilated feet, no bloodied golden slipper only a glass slipper that fits the heroine, a prince, and a lived-happily-ever- after ending. But the Grimm’s version can’t be denied or totally eclipsed by it. If you don’t come to grips with the darker, elemental, existential Grimm’s version, the Disney one is, if not meaningless, at least weak and insubstantial: it won’t sustain you.

Don’t get me wrong: I like the Disney film. But the power lies in the Grimm’s tale.

[toadie]

we are granted a freedom, the power of free will

to allow life and its' many twists and at times unkind turns to allow us to become bitter or better.

i have had no less or greater than others, i may have had fewer troubles.

gift or curse, it is hard work to live well

most people have not the recognition that we are all terminal.

yes, i have read the grimm's faery tales, with the prince who lost his eyes to thorns. the parables of various cultures have left an impression upon my life.

without the darkness it is hard to appreciate the peace, warmth, love, grace and beauty of light

paring yourself down to the soul or bone leaves us feeling vulnerable and over-exposed.

sometimes you have to just make a decision, do what you have to do, believe in who and what you are to do more than "just" survive to live well.

despite the profound pain to your soul and pride of self sufficiency.

much love to you ann

[paula_w]

Grimm is the perfect name for this author, whose stories are more barbaric and imaginative than some of the violence in today's shoot em up bang bangs
AJ your point is well taken - i recall days when someone would scold us for being negative in our posts.

cancer has a fatigue like no other. God Bless those who can stay positive with comorbidities. I have a plan and am following it regarding the next few months. Beyond that i can't see anything.

There is a very Grimm side- researchers and business people have very little to do with it. it's a human thing.

with pd the biggest danger is falls. they can kill you months after they happen. oh dear i said they can" kill you'- is that worse that having an eye plucked out ?

i wish you love and peace

[toadie]

sorry if i sounded like i was scolding people for not being positive.

i was always trying to be a polly-f-ing-anna

i do not feel like i'm pessimistic or optimistic

just realistic for my points in time

most of my alternatives kinda sucked to me.

i'd be a terrible pd poster child after 21 years, i smoke drink and swear too much.

jump off a 108 story building in vegas for fun

what's it going to do kill me?

20 years of trials and errors with pd drugs and their long term side effects haven't made me less ornery.
haven't made me have pd less, like it or be nice about it all the time.

mostly i just keep it to myself. that's just me.

dunno, i may have misunderstood or misinterpreted the entire post which is not too unusual for me these days and why i stay off the medical boards completely for the most part.

biker boards aren't a sensitive lot, if i mess things up there, they are quick to help me figure it out, lol
they don't mind calling me a butthead.

[aj04]

Toadie & Paula,

I had forgotten that when I post something I may be surprised who responds (and I am out of practice writing for public consumption), but both of you, I know, understand what I mean when I talk about the difference between Disney and Grimm. You have taken the time and effort to come to grips with the Grimm-er side of life (and PD -- and cancer). Maybe not by choice, or seemingly not by choice. I can't think of two less-PollyAnnaish women. Your brighter sides come as a result of having gone through the night to get to the dawn.

I am not bitter and I don't dwell on the bloodied stepsisters' feet, but as I have championed over the last 12 years here: you risk your "soul" (for lack of a better word) if you ignore them. That's when you run the risk of becoming bitter.

What keeps me going through the nights onward to the dawns are compatriots such as you two. We are far less likely to make it through alone. So I find myself writing things that you help me understand. Not fixing the writing, but hoping its rough qualities have a power and sense of their own.

Thank you for surprising me.

Thank you for the privilege of your company. And your courage.

[paula_w]

Originally Posted by toadie

sorry if i sounded like i was scolding people for not being positive.

i was always trying to be a polly-f-ing-anna

i do not feel like i'm pessimistic or optimistic

just realistic for my points in time

most of my alternatives kinda sucked to me.

i'd be a terrible pd poster child after 21 years, i smoke drink and swear too much.

jump off a 108 story building in vegas for fun

what's it going to do kill me?

20 years of trials and errors with pd drugs and their long term side effects haven't made me less ornery.
haven't made me have pd less, like it or be nice about it all the time.

mostly i just keep it to myself. that's just me.

dunno, i may have misunderstood or misinterpreted the entire post which is not too unusual for me these days and why i stay off the medical boards completely for the most part.

biker boards aren't a sensitive lot, if i mess things up there, they are quick to help me figure it out, lol
they don't mind calling me a butthead.

i was not referring to you toadie; i was talking about the early forum.
you have a calmness that i envy. but u are not a pollyanna,
sorry if you think you were!

don't know if i made things better or worse but either way i love the girl who spent the mornings sketching in Kentucky.


best ........