Here I sit, on the edge of my bed waiting to see if I win any of the $185 million in the Powerball lottery. I look at my watch every few minutes I actually think I will win! It (the lottery) defines me - controls me - leads me! I most definitely have trouble with obsessive/compulsive behaviors.

If I go to Wal-Mart alone, I will spend nearly $200 - and for stuff I'll never use nor need. If I get gas or go to check-out at some store and see scratchers, I will have to buy them. If I don't go straight to the car, I'll buy more!

My most dominant (and obvious) symptom is dyskinesia. And no, I can't cut my meds down. I've been on this regime for over a decade. I take an agonist, but only 8 mg, which is barely considered a therapeutic dose. I take 3 Comtan with my first 3 morning doses of one 25/100 Sinemet (carbidopa /levodopa). the first dose begins at 6:00 or 7:00 am (or if I wake up over 2 hrs earlier, I will have to pop an extra Sinemet), Then the second at 3 hrs and third doses and following every 3 hours. And the only other pill I take specifically for PD is Selegeline or Eldepryl.

If I mess with that cocktail in any way, my symptoms get extremely worse or I get depressed - very depressed. I do take meds for depression regularly. Now, does that medication schedule sound excessive for someone who has had Parkinson's for 18 years?

I was type A personality before PD, but I wasn't so forgetful, or so disorganized, or I could prioritize what I needed to. Today and since diagnosed, I have progressively gotten worse at starting 5-6 projects, and doing the one least needed. And I am aware that I'm doing that, but I can 't stop.

I don't do any repetitive behaviors ( like washing hands or punding),but I clean excessively, but end up rearranging things and make a worse mess! And do not let me near a slot machine alone! What else can I say?

I do not like the way this "other person" is driving everything I do. I have had some counseling and have even been in clinical trials, but nothing seems to help.
And finally, I have developed somewhat of apathy about such behaviors. I care, but not enough to get serious about trying to change.

And I want perfection, even though my work is not perfect. I used to do close to perfect work, but not anymore. Like I want to change the title of this thread to, "I'm wound too tightLY," but won't.

Anyone with similarities? Any therapies that work? Any suggestions? Is this part of the disease or acquired behaviors? And why?
Peg
Ps - I'm late for checking the drawn lotto numbers - wish me luck!