[Jim091866]

What a way this year has started out to be. First I met this woman who told me that she was not married and that her ex had left. I later found out that he was in fact still living at home with her. He was still carrying all the finances while she was in school for a BA but not working. This was after we had been seeing each other for probably 2 mos. She lives some 2 hours from me so she always came to my house, and I don't drive so,,,After finding out about this and telling her it was over I ended up changing my cell phone number, etc. just to get away from the hate emails, etc. She saw no problem with it despite her having 3 kids w/ this guy. So that was Jan/Feb.
About 2 weeks ago I met this woman, we hit it off great. In fact things heated up really quick. Being worried about taking advantage of the woman was out the window with her. So after laying in bed last night she tells me she doesn't know how long she will be in the picture. Saying that she feels bad for me that PD has me so isolated, that she only wants a physical relationship with me!
I am not going to see her anymore either. I just want someone who wants to build a future together. Other guys would welcome this arrangement. Not me, I am trying to figure out why God has me where I am. I don't know. I am so depressed right now. I was enjoying my career and family when this damn PD hit me head on. Then my wife of 18 yrs leaves me. The train wreck just kept on. I had been in counseling to deal with her being so depressed and not seeking help!
So now I sit here and everyday is like the one before. It is so boring, I can nap as long as I want- I cant drive so I don't get out much. I was out with my mom this morning and as I sat in the parking lot a guy in front of me came out of the store in a power chair. He loaded up in a van with the use a wheelchair lift and drove away. I know that I am blessed, there are many who have much more serious problems than I. I am just so tired of this day in and day out. I saw many people who had committed suicide while I worked as a paramedic in the fire department. They lost hope. I often thought that if I could have talked to them and given them something to hope for that they may have been able to make it just one more day, then another and another. If they only had a small bit of hope. I don't see much changing in my world. I see that it is probably better if it is just me and my two dogs. I won't be a burden to anyone and they won't have to worry about being a caretaker. As I petted my black Lab, Duke who is now 12, I thought to myself "buddy you are not going to have many years left and you have been more loving and loyal than anyone else who has been in my life. I truly believe that dog's heart actually beats for me. His love and devotion is amazing, it is genuine. When I am at home all is right in his world. Like in the movie IN TIME, why can't I give him more time? I would give him a bunch.

[madamlash]

Your life sounds like the start of some great lyrics to begin writing a country song. Don't mind me... I think in terms of music since that's what I've done for a living my whole life. Now the pd has pretty much stopped my singing and is trying to take away my piano playing. But you know what.... F$&ck pd! I was watching Leno last night and his second guest ( can't remember his name ) is involved in a cancer movement and they declare " f$&ck cancer!" Yea I can get behind that including the one finger salute! So I'm going to try that out on my pd and see how it likes it!
I'm truly sorry to hear about your love life! It sucks! But you know there are good people out there in amongst the thorns. You can get involved with losers and you don't even have to have pd. the pd just keeps you from running away from them as fast as you'd like to.
So... Hope.. Hmmm that's a tough one. I'm getting ready to finally have DBS and I'm very scared and look at it as my last hope to retain my piano playing but you know last hope, first hope, as long as you've got some somewhere then you have hope. You can also be in perfect health and get run over by a train. So much for hope. One thing the pd does is put a little sign up saying, " don't take things for granted."
I don't know how bad your pd is but, it appears that you are still able to type. I would like to suggest that you take whatever abilities you still have and spend some time figuring out something positive to do with them. I know that sounds like the prose from a bad greeting card but, I gotta tell you that it works. I let myself cry and then I look in the mirror, curse at myself, and then figure out something better to do. Don't worry about finding a good woman. Somehow she will find you if you get your act together. And just cause you have pd doesn't mean you have to settle for less. A good man who wants to build a future with a good woman is a prize!
And you're right... There's nothing better than a good dog! I've got one that always knows when I need a little hug and a lick to cheer me up.