CS, old buddy, I think it's time for you to start considering DBS surgery. You're not going to get any better, unless some miracle drug is found within the next couple of weeks (then tested for 10 to 15 years...), so you might as well face the obvious.
I know in the US it's always a financial issue and I don't know if health insurance companies cover this very expensive surgery, but then you could try it the sneaky way: become a citizen of a country with free health care systems. Do you have any grandparents born in a EU country? As far as I know, the grandchildren of European-born parents/grandparents are now eligible for citizenship of that particular country.
I know American retirees of Spanish parentage, who have attained Spanish citizenship, but live in the USA (mostly Miami and Tampa) and come to Spain twice a year for doctors' appointments, testing or surgery, get expensive prescription meds, and then go back to their homes in the USA. With air travel becoming cheaper, more and more of them follow this procedure.

Cs, I wish I could send some of my bubbling-over to the point of silliness joy to you. It is not fair that I seem to have an excess, which has to be some kind of chemical imbalance, as your sadness also must be.
It is certainly not religion or willpower or lack of sensitivity to the suffering of others, or lack of pain that cause the euphoria I feel. I only wish it was transferable, or that I knew how to share it.
This is horribly mushy, and it sounds like I'm boasting of my wonderful attitude, but I'm going to post it anyway, hoping you know that I mean well, and that I'm mainly angry at the unfairness, the randomness of who gets to have what.

All the best,
birte

Someone I read in a theological connection, perhaps a book reviewer on Amazon.com, said to relax and throw away all your self-help books, because your life is not about you anyway, it's about helping others. I thought of ol' cs when I read it, because the dear old thing does help when he can.

Seven months ago, I had my left hip replaced, which both made me able to walk again and left me with a lot of healing to do. I have never been brought so low, but it was still worth it for the lifting of the burden of that agonizing deep bone pain. Now I'm coming to myself, down to my last pain management tablet and in my right mind again, if my mind can ever be said to be right. Of course PD got worse in the meantime, but someone told me this is the only life I get. I've taken up exercise, and I love it for the first time in my life.

I try to stay optimistic and hopeful as a discipline for my mind. I get a lot out of my religion that helps me live every day the best I can. I have depression under control with mental habits and medication, not that I don't get down in the dumps sometimes. Down isn't the same as clinical depression. Let me remid y'all: Clinical depression is a physical illness often associated with PD, and not a moral failing. So see a doctor qualified to diagnose and treat it, learn all about it just like your PD, take your meds right along with your PD meds for the rest of your life, checking in with that doc 2-3 times a year or so, and accept it all as the way things are. Then get on with your life.

After cognitive changes set in (and this is NOT dementia, just a faulty clutch even though all the gears are there) what you can do will change. Enjoy it. Keep singing so your voice stays strong. Exercise. Eat well. Dance like nobody's watching. Stare your fears in the eye once a year or so, but as a practice dont think too far into the future, not even if you're as pious as a saint. So when it's time to be distracted, I favor Bubble Trouble on my Mac's dashboard.

Jaye
dx January 1999

And speaking of songs Chris...at the minute the one closest to my heart is;
Maria McKee ...Breathe.


Great song, Steffi!!!! I had never heard it......very beautiful.

Mary

I try to keep busy and happy too. To me the greatest blessing would be happiness over everything.
I still work, love my job and I am still good at it. I swim laps about 3 times a week for exercise and that keeps my mood up and my shape down. I also have discovered a hobby which has me totally absorbed-lampworking. This is the art of working with hot glass to make beads, pendants, sculpture, etc. I choose to not think about what will happen when I can't do it anymore.
So, I am very busy, which is hard, many times I am extremly tired, but I have chosen to keep myself this busy, so I can't complain. I haven't figured out yet when to just stop so I won't overdo. I have always been a very active person.
I also babysit my granddaughter 1 night a week, to give my daughter a relief and because she is so much fun.
I still get depressed tho and of course it must be from lack of dopamine, that is how I explain everything it seems, everything is tied to pd.
The next thing I am contemplating is retiring. That way I won't be so tired all the time. Sounds pretty good at the moment.

Libra

My understanding is that depresson (and anxiety & panic attacks & low stress tolerance) in PD come from us not producing enough Serotonin, due to damage to the neuro transmitters in our brains. This causes Serotonin reuptake. There is a class of drugs called "Serotonin reuptake inhibitors" that can help manage this problem but as with all drugs they come with potential side effects including addiction.

I personally decided I was taking enough drugs to boost my Dopamine without adding these as well. Like you I distract myself by staying busy but also, like you, find it is a hard balancing act against the resultant tireness. I also do all I reasonably can to keep my stress levels down. If I find myself getting stressed, anxious or depressed I play music and try and lose myself in the lyrics of the songs. Another simple thing that works for me is I suck a sweet.

I hope some of this helps.

Chris

I do take an antidepressent and just recently have switched from effexor to cymbalta which seems to help. I have suffered bad depression for years and I don't care how many pills I take, I will still add an antideprressant if it helps. There is nothing more devastating than a disabiling depression. As to having a sweet, that does make you happy. As does music, working in garden, cleaning house, going to movie, buying a new plant, taking a bubble bath by candlelight, etc. I once made a list of everything that made me happy and whenever I get depressed, I will try and do something on the list. Thanks for your help Suffolkchris and this is an interesting thread. It's good to hear what helps other people because this is such a life changing disease. It's hard not to get down about it and what makes it harder is most people don't understand it, so your audience and support group is very limited.

Cleaning the house makes you happy?!?
Now there is something that could drive me to take anti depressants.

You make an excellent point though "most people don't understand ".

What's wonderfully unique about coming on here is everyone understands......

I've been absent for awhile ... just busy ... but it is posts like these that are needed more than ever, for all of us, in every stage of the disease, but more so for the newbies. We've all been there before and know how it feels.

Like a support group that you can choose to attend or not, I choose to visit this site because of the shared feelings, the sharing of different coping strategies, and the outpouring of love and support that is given. I'm somewhat familiar with support groups (my dad joined plenty when my mom died at the age of 40), but what stayed with me the most was that each support group was geared toward different personalities. He would find one group that only wallowed in self pity, another that were avid book readers or enjoyed playing cards, another that included family outings, and yet another that enjoyed travel. Each group offered each individual something different.

The difference in this site, however, is that each thread, each post, and each reply hit all of us differently. Many are into research topics, others are interested in alternative medicine, still others into politics and religion. The cool thing is that you can find "your" type of support in any one of these threads.

I LOVE THIS SITE and would not be who I am without it. Hands down.

On to another entirely random topic ... if any of you are looking for some comic relief, there is a comedian out there who has a DVD called:

Jeff Dunham - Arguing with Myself

This DVD is hysterical, is not politically correct, is not offensive, and is just downright funny. There is no way to explain this comedy. It is something that must be experienced. If anyone is interested, it is available on Amazon.com. New ones cost $9.99 and used DVD's are starting at $8.81.

If anyone on this site can't afford the cost, I'll do my best to ship a copy to you personally. I don't care if I get 100 people who e-mail me! I'll simply begin compiling a list and start at the top.

My e-mail address is:

proudest_mama@yahoo.com

Lastly, two more thoughts:

1) If anyone DOES order their copy and/or has seen it already, please post what YOU thought about this DVD.

2) Should we consider having a thread for different movies, different music, etc. that motivate, inspire, or just offer comic relief?

As usual, I'm always open to suggestions and/or comments!!

Terri