Following Chris`s trend to lighten things up a bit I thought I would give you all a laugh at my expense. For those who read the Hopi ear candle incident,this will come as no surprise.To those who used to belong to Braintalk 1 I apologise as I recounted this tale on there...but my children are forever requesting me to tell of this incident as it always makes them giggle.
To put you in the picture,an old music teacher of mine happened to belong to the same club as my inlaws and on visiting their home several years ago,he spied my photograph and with a dead pan expression just muttered..."Her and her friend were like Laurel and Hardy at school" and indeed we were.Mishaps and catastrophes just seemed to befall us.Honestly...there was no prompting or instigation on our part.Ahem.
We simply ended up in the middle of chaos looking totally innocent and nonplussed.There are countless incidents to recall but this has to be the one which left its mark and which was talked about for years after.

THE TALE OF STEFFI AND THE INDUSTRIAL VACUUM CLEANER.

Picture the scene; An old well established private school...a beautiful building set within rambling grounds,very elite and highly respected.
My friend and I are about 15 years of age,and members of our schools recorder consort which had been invited to play at a concert.We are dressed in long black skirts,white blouses ,looking every inch the part,and we are waiting in the wings ready to go on stage next.[The stage by the way was as old as the hills...wooden planks,all rickety and uneven and hollow beneath.Every sound was magnified tenfold]
On stage was an extremely professional string quartet gaily playing Mozart or something equally banal [well it was to two teenage girls who preferred to bust an ear drum with Led Zeppelin or PInk Floyd]And out front ,the upper class audience were daintily tapping their well clothed knees in time to the music,tight lipped and backs ram rod straight.
Oh it was like a scene from a Grand Opera house...all very demure,prim and proper.Little did they know what was about to hit them.And to be honest,neither did my friend and I.
As I said,we were waiting quietly in the wings...trying desparately hard not to giggle...She had just whispered to me that she didn`t fancy mine much..meaning the lead violinist who looked like Plug from The Bash Street Kids...all bryl-creamed hair and wire specs
and I`d replied that hers was not much better...the cellist who had bow legs,trousers half mast and who resembled a cabbage patch doll.
So..given that we were desparate to snort with laughter we in fact were doing extremely well keeping it in.
Until....my friend spotted this ginormouos machine partly hidden by a curtain.On further investigation we saw that it was an industrial floor polisher,the size of a mini digger .This thing was HUGE!!! and just waiting to be explored so we inched closer to it and in order to get a better look we climbed on top of it.
DON`T ASK ME WHY? COS I HAVEN `T A CLUE !!!
It just seemed like a good idea at the time.And everything would have been ok had my friend not found this switch.eek:
"I wonder what this sw......" and didn`t have chance to finish the sentence.
The next few seconds were a bit of a blur as this monstrous machine thundered into action and with a blast the size of Apollo 13 took off across the stage with the two of us hanging on for dear life,long hair streaming in the wake and mouths open in horror.
Some burk had left the sodding thing wired up to the mains hadn`t they?
I`m telling you....we just managed to catch a glimpse of the lead violinists face as we ricocheted only inches behind him,the resulting breeze giving him a second hair parting... before we hit the wall with a tremendous thud...whereupon my friend and I were catapulted off and left lying on the floor,skirts round our necks and looking decidedly deshevilled.Meanwhile this machine is flailing about on stage with a mind of its own,wires and brushes winging about like the broom scene in the Sorcerers Apprentice.By this time the string quartet were just short of needing oxygen masks,so bad was their fright and they were hyper ventilating and lolling all over the place. [Drama Queens!!! ]
And the audience....well...this stony faced ,bolt upright hoity toity lot were now falling off their chairs,crying with laughter.No more dainty tip tapping for this lot.Their cakeholes were now completely unfrozen .
However,as my friend and I stared at the laced brogues of our music teacher,and then looked up at her [yes it was a her] face...SHE WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT LAUGHING.

We had no excuse.We had literally brought the concert to a halt and were a "disgrace" .I think that was the word ringing somewhere in the distance of my very sore head.

Unforgettable....for the wrong reasons I guess..although someone from the audience said it was the best laugh they had had in decades.

So Therese...there you have it.My history of chaos goes back a long way.
What can I say.
Other than... PD isn`t going to make the slightest difference to my lack of brain cells.There weren`t that many before.

x

Absolutely hysterical...I'm still laughing...aloud, mind you...just here by myself laughing and thinking...you're a virtual "clone" of Erma Bombeck!
...and just try and convince me that this "saga"...as you presented it...did NOT take quite an intellect to create it. (reference our earlier discussion related you your "butterfly brain"...or, something to that effect)...I'm still laughing aloud and intend, now, to return to read the tale of the "Industrial Vacuum Cleaner"...and you're right...the "candle" story really doesn't "hold a candle" to this latest one!

oops again just saw this....guess we are on the same wave length.

paula

Extract:

"On stage was an extremely professional string quartet gaily playing Mozart or something equally banal [well it was to two teenage girls who preferred to bust an ear drum with Led Zeppelin or PInk Floyd]And out front ,the upper class audience were daintily tapping their well clothed knees in time to the music,tight lipped and backs ram rod straight."

Steff

You are amazing but surely you are far too young for Pink floyd and Led Zeppelin?!?
Sadly I am not!

My teenage years were during Zeppelin in their absolute prime. Biggest band in the world and before it had all degenerated into the self paridy brutally but wonderfully protrayed in the film "Spinal Tap".

My head is still full of the strangely compulsive Zeppelin lyrics:

"Tangerine, living reflections of a dream.
I was her love
She was my queen
And now a thousand miles in between"

Ah, nostalgia aint what it used to be.....

Chris

...and Spinal Tap. I may not act my age but 48 is what I am.And celebrating each year I am alive and kicking.As a famous actor once said,about his attitude towards getting older;
The only alternative to getting older is dying young and I know which option I prefer.
Yes Chris...I grew up with all the head bangers;
M,aybe that`s my problem...too much head banging. lol
Thanks for your lovely words.
x

steffi, you should collect all your life stories and have them published. I get such belly laughs reading your antics. madelyn