AS many of you know, I have been having some problems and had an exploratory in November and surgery in May. The latest was suppoed to take care of my abdominal pain. It hasn't.

That is only partly why I am here. You see, i was turned down by my general practitioner today for returning to work. I am supposed to now see a GI dr and see the neurologist the first of August.

My PD like sx have advanced to the point that while on vacation last week, I could not walk after early morning. I can only stand for a few minutes. I am now constantly losing my balance, although (knock on wood) I have caught myself by walking backwards or into my DH.

I want to return to work, but know that I cannot do the work. I went in for about ten minutes yesterday at the request of my sub and barely made it home. The library is a total disaster, so I would need to spend a lot of time getting it back together.

I am afraid that even though I haven't been paid for the last two months, that my boss will now fire me. (Partially because a new paper came out listing a growth in the circ department...the only thing that counts...while I was absent. You see, i refuse to lie on my reports and even my sub has been doing that...she actually scolded me yesterday to make sure that I did the same.)

What am I asking? I don't know. I want my job, but see it slipping away. I am making some comfort pillows that I hope to market, but it is going slowly, as it depends on how long I can be on my feet. Should I let the library go?
Should I try for disability when no one really knows what is wrong? It looks like the pay would be only $200 a month.

Advice anyone?

Mama