I will avoid a specific subject in order to make the moderators' lives a little easier and mean this as a sincere topic.

How does a group like this manage to avoid slipping into a state of "lowest common denominatorism"? I know that it can be argued that this is about PD but it is obvious that we talk about everything that affects us as well. And I am sure that it is not just us since the same problem would surface in any forum. I don't think we want to slip into the "Ask the Doctor" mold or the "Pity Party" one but for the life of me I don't see how to maintain community without disagreement.

Given the way vBulletin operates this place is kind of like a big house with a lot of rooms and so should have a place for everybody. But the rooms have no doors so people wander down the hall, stick their head in, and get upset.

Does anyone know of how this has been successfully handled anywhere else? Or is the choice between a cruel barbarity where people's feelings get hurt regularly and a bland world where no one engages?

OK, one idea- Perhaps when a thread wanders into a taboo area the moderator could flag it as "closed" rather than "locked". Anyone wishing to enter a "closed" thread would have to PM the moderator and know that controversy lay ahead. Best I can do, but it surely isn't just us.

The word "locked" does appear at the bottom of a thread that's been closed for further discussion, reverett. I was careful to use the word closed (because I prefer it) and that's what the software uses as well. Then when I "close" a thread, the software then says "locked"...interesting yes. Maybe DocJohn could go in and manually change that wording? I do prefer "closed" and it's referred to closed everywhere else in the software...interesting. I'll ask DocJohn if he can change that. I want to clarify that I didn't "flag" with the word locked.

I know that the individual forums are a place to discuss the *much* that surrounds our illnesses...our lives. It should be a place we can do that. It needs to be a place where we can do that within the guidelines for all viewing. I agree that it should be an almost anything goes within the guidelines and if members find a topic personally insulting or upsetting, they should move around it. If they find a particular member personally insulting or upsetting, they can use the ignore function. This not only benefits their experiences, but the experiences of all who are reading and participating.

I'm with you in that we should be able to discuss the various areas of our lives with our friends and those we know understand so well...our illnesses certainly just don't affect us physically. We just need to keep any convo we choose to have within the guidelines for all who count on them. It's meant the world to me to be able to discuss almost anything in my life with those who live similar in their lives. For instance, I might not talk about some of "my stuff" with just anyone because it frustrates me that they may want to give me advice...not having a clue how hard it might be to even consider what they're suggesting....I have a hard time dealing with doing sometimes and I like to share my problems with those who know where I'm coming from. For someone who doesn't know how hard it is for me sometimes to just, "you should just..." like I haven't considered it can really get to me. I don't go off on them, cause I know they mean well, but I do inside sometimes. Yep, it's really important to share with those who truly *know* what I'm going through and for others to realize that interjections can frustrate and hurt even.

I think we'll have to accept that disagreement will be almost as common as the various discussions will be. It happens in almost every conversation, situation...either agreeing or disagreeing. Just as in real life, I think it's the way that we handle our disagreement, or display it specifically, that determines how the convo flows from there. Also, it depends on the others involved in the convo how they respond to our disagreement that is another determining factor in the flow of a convo. Just as everyone involved in the convo has is participating with thoughts, I think the responsibility is there to accept another's if it's not personally attacking, etc.

That said, being online makes it much more difficult than real life because we don't have the benefit of seeing facial expressions and reading the face and body. I've found that making my comments very clear and using lots of icons, shows me more. For instance, I have a very dry sense of humor and ppl in real life sometimes can't tell when I'm joking, so I go way out of my way to point it out online. When I'm disagreeing, I usually say a "thank you" when I start then go on to post my disagreement, trying to stick with "I statements" as opposed to you, you. It can make another feel singled out and defensive. I'm just sharing what I've found to help in my years online. If I've given you more than you asked for, I apologize.

Edited to add: Also, if I'm way off base in the discussion, excuse me please, I'm sleep deprived and pain is flaring right now.

KD

Interesting thread, Everett.

I frequent a couple of non-PD forums, for personal reasons. If you check out WebMD's Healthboards and read the Message Boards "Posting Policy". It is VERY hard to adhere to these policies, especially when you see or know of information that can directly answer someones question. But, at the same time, these policies do address just what you are saying...staying on topic and leaving out the wandering from room to room.

In "defense" of NeuroTalk Community forums, I find it nice that we can share out pitty parties and frustration (like I had recently with cs...sorry about that), provide empathetic and compassionate feedback, as well as constructive criticism.

I was recently suspended and then banned from the Healthboards due to breaking a policy rule. I "fought" this battle and was re-instated...with compliments...which was nice to hear.

Carolyn,

I can't picture you getting suspended from anywhere...it makes me giggle, sorry.

I'm sorry if it was something I said to close the thread. The PD forum has come a really long way in handling these discussions IMO; if it was a complaint, I would be disappointed that all have to subscribe to what a few could just ignore, but otherwise - rules are rules I guess.

paula

No, paula, you didn't contribute to the closing of the thread. The most of the thread was against the guideline stated in the closing statement.

I thought that the disagreeing posts there were done very well, actually. It was just that the convo itself was against a guideline that we're pretty strict about due to the direction they have often times take.

If anyone would like to discuss the guideline itself, then a PM to DocJohn would be good on that. Sometimes he will allow for a specific thread outside the guidelines...

KD

This is a good conversation, but I'd like to remind everyone that if they want to discuss specifically my action, a PM should be sent to me or a complaint/concern sent to DocJohn. That's just a gentle reminder...

Thanks!

KD

Please forgive me in making another post but I'm multi-tasking at the moment and am not completing my thoughts.

I'd also like to let anyone and everyone reading this that it's really OK to send me, or any member of this mod/admin team a PM stating, "I disagree!" It's OK to disagree. No one will be held in some sort of account for disagreeing...even strongly. Also, it's how we get to know each other...

It's a good thing to do, in fact, because I might not have all the facts and make a "bad call" because of it. Some members might not know some of the facts in the bigger picture and not understand an action...causing upset for them.

We limit public discussion for the whole, but that does not mean that one can't PM and say, "You don't understand," or "I disagree". I won't always agree and the guidelines are almost always the deciding factor, but it really can help to have that communication and I want to say that it's OK to do that.

KD

or something similar. And KimmyDawn, that is one neat signature line!

Thanks for understanding and response.

Re: my siggie...thank you! It's the very first siggie I ever had when I entered the wild world of the internet forums almost three years ago. A friend and fellow member surprised me with it. I'd never seen anything so cool and had no clue what I was supposed to do with it! LOL I'd never heard of photobucket or anything either! I was a sight.

I'd been in other communities but strictly in the chat sense and working there, but that was about it for my online experience.

KD

I expect to be in trouble for this but I must comment. This thread is exactly why we prefer the fellowship of other Parkies in a local group and do not get too excited about these on-line sites. We can say exactly what we are thinking and everyone understands or is free to state another case but no one can stop the comments which are frequently based upon someone's feeling at any given moment.

Our hearts go out to those Parkie's who live in rural areas or areas not served by a local group. My heart breaks for those who, have no family or are unable to get out to meet with a local group. These folks have to rely on these on-line sites and run the risk of being censored by parties who have no clue where their heart is or what they really mean in these posts.

We'll see if I get away with this.