I have started far too many threads, but I seriously need help. I am beyond terrified for this surgery coming up. I know that many of you have faced much more difficult things - but this is a near impossibility for me. I am about ready to cancel my surgery.

The pain gets worse nearly every day (today was about the same as yesterday, but yesterday was the worst that it has been). I am working, but am having extreme difficulty, mostly sitting at my desk these days.

I registered with another forum and they try to help, but my friends are here.

No one knows what is causing this, so this one obgyn wants to take care of everything, hoping that the cause will disappear. I wasn't prepared for that.

I am so terrified of going to sleep, of being hooked up in any way to any tubing, to having drugs pumped into me, of losing my memory (ie versed), of staying overnight - even of laying down in a hospital bed. I am going crazy.

I talked to my gp. She gave me a generic zanax. I have taken 1/2 of 3 pills in the last week. It takes 1 1/2 hours to get to sleep, but then I am drugged out for hours.

I talked with a friend who is a counsellor. I have so many issues that she is going to try to concentrate on just 2. Sleep, and getting me to feel that making a decision about surgery is empowering. I told her that I would try in the sleep dept, and would work on visualization (which I do anyway) but there was no way I would ever see making a decision about surgery empowering. I feel like a rat caught in a trap.

I used to use a wheelchair for shopping. Now that is too painful.

Anyway, if you have some other advice, please let me know.

mama

Hi Mama..I dont know what kind of surgery you are going for..Forgive me if Ive read about it somewhere and forgot..Ive got so much on my plate right now that I dont know which end is up..Surgery is scarey, period..If this surgery is going to give you a better quality of life, then there is definately some hope in it for you..You will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope that you heal up quick and that the surgery solves whatever the problem is..This is not an easy road sometimes, and I certainly feel for you..If we only had the magic wand

Steve, you are always a friend to everyone. It is abdominal exploratory with a laundry list attached.

I hope that your life simplifies and improves, as you deserve it.
mama

I don't know the story behind this post, so I'm shooting in the dark. I would say you are sleep deprived out of your mind..literally. Sleep deprivation has a particularly vicious effect on our whole being and is a downward spin. It makes EVERYTHING worse. My advice is stop whatever your doing, take the sleeping pills and crash out for as long as it takes your body to restore itself. There is no substitute for sleep. The alternative is psychosis I believe and you don't want to go there! Once you've had the sleep you NEED the rest will fall into place. I'm not an educated expert on the subject, but I am an experienced expert! I've been to the edge of my mind and its not a place anyone should ever go. Do whatever you have to do to make your body sleep! Then sleep until you can't sleep anymore and you feel like your back in the real world
.
good Luck and check in with us to let us know how your doing once your past this.

mama,

I can undestand your anxiety. There is a possibiity of DBS in my near future and I will have similar issues. Hwever, there have been many situations in the past that terrified me. Learning to face the fear and do it anyway has helped me gain confidence.

Good luck
Mary

Thanks to both of you.

I did take 1/2 pill last night and slept from maybe 1 or 2 until 6:30 when the phone rang, and then went back to bed until 8:30, so that wasn't too bad.

It is nearly 2 now. If I take a pill, it won't really work until 3:30. I should be at work around 10 or 11, so that doesn't really leave enough time.

I am truly terrified of hospitals, and begged them to move this up. I have had this fear for many years and it continues to get worse. I can face my demons in a flight/fright reaction if I can get it done quickly (more fright than flight).

This all sounds so melodramatic, but since I have about 3 weeks left, I don't think my chances of making the actual surgery are real good right now. But that still leaves me with the increasing pain.

I am off to bed.

Dear Mamafigure, unless your doctors have rock sure reasons for performing surgery, I would, if I were you, avoid it at all costs. Unless you are more than 80% sure that surgery is necessary and that it will be of benefit to you, I think you are better off without such a drastic procedure. Unless several doctors - not surgeons but specialists in whatever you have that they feel must be explored by surgery - agree that this is a necessary last resort, I would beg out and cancel.
Try every other means of finding out what is giving you such pain before you resort to surgery. I can't begin to imagine what it could be, and it sounds to me as if the doctors have the same dilemma. In general I think exploratory surgery is a bad idea.
I am certainly all for necessary surgery, and would encourage you if that were the case, but in your case I think Rosebud's advice might help you more than the doctor's.
I am so sorry that you are in such pain. I hope you find the cause and resolve your problem successfully. In the meantime, I wish you strength and perseverance.

The very best wishes,

birte

awwwhhhh, Mamma

have you considered having your surgery done with an epidural at all? they can still sedate you, but you'll be awake, with no feeling from the chest down. It isnt painful to have placed usually, and you dont fear the general anesthesia and whole sleep issues. Ive requested this option several times in the past and have gotten it! You also wake up less sick to your stomach.

I think you probably know in your heart...you cannot live in pain. It's always a wise choice to if you can, find out what's causing the pain, and deal with it if it's fixable. Your too spunky to not have a quality of life. I've never known you to be so sad sounding in the many years Ive read your posts( well...two or so ), anyhow...I can hear and see the pain and fear in your written words, mamma.

Please know that your friends are a rooting for ya here in Florida. My kids and I have you in our thoughts and prayers...will be out of town the next few days, but will check up on ya when I get home. Let us light a candle for YOU for a change. Your the mostkind hearted person around these days..no need to worry alone!

Birte and Alicia,
I am so glad to hear from both of you. I have been thinking about you and wishing you well.

It was so nice to wake up to your good wishes.

Birte, they have done every test (except the colonoscopy) that can be done and only fibroids and some other things have shown up. Nothing life-threatening. The pain has been bad enough that I can no longer ride in my wheelchair in town, cannot use a cane, so move in a bent-over hold-my-side shuffle. I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. The ibuprofen for pain is worthless, so I rarely take it as my stomach is very touchy right now. My husband sees surgery as the only option, but I am supposed to make the decisions concerning it.

Alicia, I am so glad that you have conquered your fears. I rarely do. I will probably try to get through this, but am not sure how. I know that your trials are much larger than mine. I just wish that this magnifying glass would pass from me.

Lots of love and gratitude,
mama

Is your problem a duodenal ulcer or a twist in the small intestines, or a small blockage that they couldn't see by x-ray? Intestinal conditions requiring exploratory surgery won't kill you, if that's what it is. With colonoscopy they can only go so far (up the decsending colon, across the transverse colon, down the asceding colon and only a short distance into the small intestine and the same with the top end, into the stomach and past the main sphincter into the fist few feet of the small intestine) before they have to do exploratory surgery into the small intestine using a smaller scope (we have over 30 feet of small intestine to look at). I just described this here for people who are wondering what you mean by "exploratory surgery" (if I didn't get it right, please tell me).
You shouldn't fret if that is what it is. They can find the problem that is causing the pain and usually normalize it with drugs or surgery which they are ready to do during the exploratory if it's minor.
I sympathize with you and everybody with pain and anxiety, especially with people with abdominal pain because they are hesitant ot give you any pharmacologic relief before exploratory, usually because it slows muscular motilty, which makes it difficult to do exploratory because they need an empty intestine, and the use of the fleet enema to clear the small intestine may be contraindicated. They will probably use the quik acting anestetic that they use for routine bowel colonoscopy (i forget the name of it). When they have done the deed, you'll come to fairly quickly, and they will give you some pain medication. Of course only you know where you hurt and i could be totally off base here, but i have a feeling that once this is over with you will be OK. cs