I'm beginning to form a mental picture of myself smugly smirking, raking in the compliments. I feel a need to kick myself in the shins to keep away that awful mental picture.

Vicky, what you do is exactly what is so admirable about everyone here. We carry on, each in our own way. Some with more regrets than others, some with more difficulty than others. But we deal, we live, and that is why I say Bravo. Bravo for all of us.

birte

Hei birte, - today I am sick and walking like I was 1 year old -, still -- I say bravo and I can think: this is today, tomorrow will come , life is short. TO BE OR NOT TO BE , THAT IS THE QUESTION .

annelise

Birte,

You've summed this up very nicely. I too am printing this out to post up on the bulletin board at work. Parkinson's is a nasty condition that many people see as only as someone with the tremors, but its the other side that I think hurts the most. It's that loss of skills that we once had; that ability to play the piano like we used to, etc. The fact that this deterioration isn't instant is what's murder for me. The fact that my skills deteriorate slowly like they're crumbling is frustrating because it's so unpredictable. If they went away completely I'd accept it and go on with my life as it stands, but this slow dribble every day is death to my soul.


On some days I feel like I get in everyones way because I move so slow. If I tried to move fast, I'd probably lose my balance and make an ***** out of myself. For the most part, I stay quiet and out of everyones way because I don't want to be a burden. They wouldn't understand anyway and I've given up trying to explain myself to them. Maybe your post here will shed light on what it's like to live with Parkinson's.

John

I have experienced every emotion and circumstance you describe so well, Birte. I too believe it is a matter of acceptance, and that we are all on a different timetable when coming to terms with this disease. That can make it hard for people to read and comprehend our experiences from both ends of the spectrum. Those who have reached a place of peaceful coexistence with PD want everyone to understand what it is like and that it is possible to achieve. On the other hand, there are those who can't even imagine getting to a point of acceptance, and think that those who profess to have done so are just fooling themselves (I spent several years in this spot!).

There's that oft-quoted Reinhold Niebuhr "Serenity Prayer":
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I bring it up here because lately I've been thinking about the things that I miss about my "old self." I've decided that while some things are gone forever (to write fluidly; to hold a job that I love), there are other things that I have abandoned along the way that I do have the power to resurrect. One of those things is my sense of fun and love of a good time; and in order to get that back, I've had to reach out to friends again, old and new.

But I was not able to do this until I came to some sort of peace with the PD in general. It's a process; we can all provide support at different points along the way for each other.

Birte - Still waiting for permission to reprint your post. Have you checked your messages?
Gayle

My favorite quote which speaks thousands of words:

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.
Raymond Lindquist[/I]

Change, what we all do daily:

Today is not yesterday: we ourselves change; how can our works and thoughts, if they are always to be the fittest, continue always the same? Change, indeed is painful; yet ever needful; and if memory have its force and worth, so also has hope.
Thomas Carlyle

Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

When you meet your antagonist [PD], do everything in a mild and agreeable manner. Let your courage be as keen, but at the same time as polished, as your sword.
Richard Brinsley Sheridan

Gaykir, I did not get your message. I just sent you a p. m. - I hope you get it. Can't think why I didn't get yours. And yes, you're welcome to use my post. I'd like to know where, please???

All the best,

birte