The Young onset patients have more sorrows because:
there spouses are not ready to fufill vows, unless it is all the good stuff...
dxd on or before 40...

i was dx at age 40. I'm now 43. I would say that right now my marriage has about a 5% chance of making it. It is a very difficult situation in that we have teenage daughters at home age 13 and 17. Plus my wife is bi-polar and swings daily between manic and depressed. I go to a therapist who says "I am doing well considering the situation" .

I feel that I am torn between being ever so practical to keep my job, health insurance, home and yadda yadda. The other problem is that I am miserable in my present life.

Couple of things to throw out...
1. Does anybody get better after divorce when it involves PD?
2. Anybody know if PD and bi-polar can get along?
3. What about relationships of fellow PD-ers? Can they work?

desperate

randy

My story:

dx 1999, age 41
quickly decided to divorce the man I had been married to for 18 years in order to assert my independence (shaky marriage at best; disasterous if I was disabled)
divorce finalized in 2001
finances are difficult now, but stable
I am content most of the time; happy quite often; lonely sporadically
I miss the male companionship, but the combined stress of living with PD and maintaining a relationship would overwhelm me - I believe I am much healthier (improved PD symptoms; better mental health) living on my own.
My dog and cat are great constant companions and provide much comfort; my daughter, step-daughter, son in law are close by, loving and available; I have a lot of friends

Divorce is not for everyone; it works for me!

dear randy & dear dear indigo,
I appreciate your answers because - this is uncharted territory!
and no one knows this info unless - we the patients tell them like it is,
and how it feels to be ill and young and too stressed!

there are more stories here:
mine marriage was ended because of PD, and the ex-spouse could care less

a cautionary notefor the ladies -
if you remarry - your ex spouse will not be financially respondsible for you!
even if you were a full time mom - in the good ole USA -you would be reduced to poverty, - watch out for "no fault divorce clause"

as for the next marriage could be worse -and if annullment was used,
to end second marriage, you would be poverty stricken'
*research your divorce decree before signing it!

[I] was divorced 10 years prior to the PD dx. I was engaged at the time, however. He could not handle it and bolted. Fortunately, for me i had a great passion and dream that i was able to fulfill (horses). I KNOW that the activity level, friends I made through that passion and the cmmittment I made to my horses kept the progression slow. I would not even entertain the thoguht of a romantic relationship at this point. Too much stress!

I am very sorry that you are taxed by the stress,
and I agree with you the a second husband may not be able to take the fluctuations of regular life -whatever regular is?
let alone a wife w/ an illness such as PD.
I know it is possible for some at the earlier stages - if you happen to be a slow progression - but Pd can make one feel ******offedness at the entire
thing called life...
I pray for good things and forgive the things or
people I can not do anything about...
take heart, dear M...

I really needed another response in the poll: PD made marriage worse, but things are turning around.

I feel for you Randy, our situations are somewhat similar: diagnosed last year at 43 after more than two years of symptoms, two children also, one in college. I don't know how I could cope with the bi-polar issue as it seems PD has made me somewhat bi-polar myself. Your resentment is exactly what I feel... How do I continue to support (almost) everything when I'm down, nothing brings me the pleasure it once did, and the one person who should care, acts like she doesn't? It is sad that "love" can make for so much stress... but I think I've been "loving" for selfish reasons. I'm trying to learn to love unselfishly (man, is it hard!), and I think that's the key.

My marriage's chances are probably a bit better, at this point, because of counseling... something that I refused at first; I thought I was in touch with my emotions and she with hers. I guess I really didn't respect the profession much either. I thought we should have been able to talk things out ourselves. Well, I was wrong. I have been lucky in that my therapist has been very good at getting my wife to open up and talk, and makes me feel comfortable showing emotion in session. I feel that this is because he is much like a good friend, while keeping his professional distance. Though still rocky, my marriage is improving, and I have to credit the counseling. Do you and your wife like your therapist as a person? Are you going over the same old ground, or are you surprised by what's coming up in session? Maybe you should look for another therapist?

We're not out of the woods, but with counseling, I'm finding that my spouse does care more than I thought... and... I still have to hold up my end of the contract, as best I can, considering the circumstances.

Best of luck to you.

I'm wondering about the gender issue. Do you think it is more difficult to keep a marriage going if the person with PD is the husband or the wife? Despite all of our twenty-first century attempts at equality, men and women still carry deeply ingrained and identifiable roles.

This issue is clouded and confused by many things; gender (as stated above), family, economic status, religion, culture - anything that surrounds and creates your individual situation.

Bottom line is that PD makes any relationship harder. I have nothing but awe and appreciation for those who can make it work - and it does take work!

Regarding another of your original questions, Randy - I know several couples who both have PD who have met and married after diagnosis; everyone of them appears to be quite successful, I think mainly because they understand the true nature of PD.

I asked our P.D nurse how many of her clients had gone through divorce since diagnoses.She said that over all the years she had been a P.D nurse only one.In the U.K we have specialist nurses for chronic conditions such as P.D .They are very knowledgable and will see you when you need so you do not have to wait to for your neuro's appointments.

Of course on diagnoses I wanted to run away......who would not .But it was the situation I wanted to run away from not my partner. It was before diagnoses that I found it difficult as I thought he was being unresponsive as his body language was so reduced. Now we realise we have to spell things out more and tell each other how we feel.