I wasn't sure if this met the "clean" criterion or not, although compared to today's typical standup comic it could be told in church. So I started a thread for "good, slightly soiled" jokes:

A good old boy had travelled for many years and had seen a large part of the world without finding a home. Then one day he found Alaska and was enchanted! So much so that he approached a state trooper standing by the road and asked how he might become a citizen of that fair state,

The trooper looked at him somewhat skeptically and said, "This is a tough place and not everybody can cut it so we do have certain requirements to weed out the weak ones. Are you sure you want to do this?"

Somewhat intrigued, the fellow replied, "Darned right I do. Now tell what I have to do to settle down here. I've wandered the world looking for this place and I aim to stay here."

"OK, then if you think you can do it, I,ll tell you what you have to do. It consists of a three part test.

First, to show that you can hold your own with the local men, you have to drink down an entire quart of whiskey without pausing for breath.

Second, to show that you meet the standards of the local women, you must show one of them that you are a lover.

Finally, to show that you can defend yourself against the local wildlife, you must kill a grizzly bear with your bare hands."

The old boy looked at the trooper a minute and said, "Seems a little harsh, but if that's the only way I want to do it. How do I begin?'

The trooper, still looking skeptical, said, "OK, but you know the risks. You see that locker over on that power pole? There's a quart of whiskey in it for just this purpose. Try it if you are game."

The newcomer walked over and opened the locker, took out the bottle, turned it up and drank it down, barely able to avoid coming up for air. Then, his eyes streaming tears and the alcohol rushing to his head, he turned to the now attentive trooper and said, "OK, by golly, now what?"

The trooper replied, "You see that trail over there? A half-mile up it there is a cave. I tracked a bear there yesterday. It's up to you. Don't be ashamed mister. This ain't easy."

By now staggering a little, the man replied, "Hah! Out of my way!" and stumbled up the trail and out of sight. After about fifteen minutes of eerie quiet, there erupted a cacophony of noise unheard since the death of the dinosaurs. Roaring, screams, even the trooper turned pale. Then, as suddenly as it began, the noise vanished and the eerie silence returned.

The trooper was just about to investigate when he saw a figure emerge from the woods and stumble down the trail. It was a horrible sight. Blood everywhere. Great pieces of flesh missing. The figure stumbled up to the by now impressed trooper and said,

"OK, now, I did it. But I draw the line at the third part. I just can't kill an innocent woman, even for Alaska."

Rick, you always make me laugh!!!!! I'm so glad to know you! It's good to be back with you all. Have you heard from Michael?
Mary