I've had little "issues" off and on and now things have gotten worse. At first I would forget appointments. I thought it was because of my generally busy schedule with work, school, and piano which I dedicate a good amount of time to, and tend to block out the outside world. I've told the dr.'s office staff to call and remind me, but lately they seem to rely on me to do their job.

After awhile, I started having off and on problems with my retention of new stuff. I noticed this again in my piano practice. I've been trying to learn some new music, or really a new section of a piece I've been working on for ages. I work like crazy on Saturday for example, but by Sunday afternoon I'll have to relearn that section all over as I keep making the same mistakes all over again. A week later and it's totally gone to bit heaven as though I've never looked at the music before. This is very frustrating because I really want to finish this piece off, and being one of my favorites, I have the passion now to make it near perfect as possible. I must be tired, I kept telling myself. I also do a lot of sight reading, or I used to. I can't seem to be able to do this anymore as well. I look at the music and have to count the staff lines to figure out the notes that I used to pick off in my sleep. The other day I couldn't even play the simplest thing. I was playing like a first or second year student instead of someone who has studied music and piano for over 40 years.

Then there were little mistakes at work. I know that everyone makes mistakes, but I feel I have to keep my guard up all the time now. These were stupid oversights here and there as I would do stupid things when sending out an order to a customer. I'd forget the bill of lading, forget to add freight to the order, over charge the customer, etc.

Well last Friday I pulled the biggest one yet. This time I completely skipped a step in processing a credit for a customer. The reason for the credit wasn't my fault this time, which was good, but still I managed to mess this up big time. In the process, I ended up sending the over-credit to the customer without consulting my manager first, and to add insult to injury, I didn't follow one of the major steps in the process. This also impacts our accounting system, which we now have to figure out how to fix because of this. My manager asked me what I was thinking and I didn't have an answer. I really didn't know what I did, but I did know something is definitely going wrong here.

Then there is school. I can't for the life of me comprehend what I'm reading or trying to do. The information passes in one eye and out the other as my brain washes the information off like water on a head of lettuce! So for this class I'm done - toast as they say - because I have no clue no matter how much I ask for help, or try to do the stuff on my own. The worsed part is this class also involves math. I was never good in math, but this takes the cake. I can't figure out how to implement the formula into the program.

During this time, I have even destroyed my checking account and ended up bouncing my mortgage payment. I can not figure out what went wrong, and I'm not going to ask for help because I won't understand anyway.

On Monday I had a regularly scheduled neuro appointment. We went through the usual stuff and in the end I told her about this issue. She is, at my request, scheduling an appointment with a neuropsychologist to see if there are some issues. She had me try to do some simple math in my head and I couldn't do it. I sat there like an idiot for what seemed like eons as my brain churned through the simple subtraction problem.

The outcome will be if there are problems is I will definitely stop working and apply for disability because there is no way I can function in the workplace like this. My two job positions require constant brain power, critical thinking, logic, troubleshooting, real attention to detail, and analysis to be done properly.

So now I sit, wait, and ponder on my future. I'm, still planning on my upcoming storm chase in April which I scheduled late last year, but after that I don't know what I'm going to do otherwise. Maybe this is God's way of telling me it's time to stop ignoring what's going on and face the fact that there are issues, and now it's time to give in and let things be as they may.

John