[harley]

There are times when the only way to find the reality of a situation is by stepping away from it to see it in a different view. Sometimes the world around you has become very dark, and quicksand has engulfed you to the point that you cannot move. You cry out for help hoping somebody will hear you and help you out.

i was deep in darkness and a hand came to pull me out. I found life again. i could breathe again. I was completely in awe that another person would do what ever it took so that i could put my feet on solid ground and be able to walk on my own two feet. never before had a person gone through such lengths for my well being. the depth of my respect and appreciation for this person.. mr steve m*.. is beyond measure.

what has happened between us is very complex. and i feel the need to express my side to you guys as this chapter of my life is ending. many adversities happened since jan of last year beginning with my husband being arrested for domestic violence and a divorce began. my mother then developed ovarian cancer and i was hospitalized for stress. this was when i began to sink in the quicksand. this is when a fisherman threw out his line for me to grab hold of. this is when i no longer had to be alone and when i began to walk again with his help.

he was by my side when i had a horrid incidence during a dbs programming where the programmer could not shut off the device and i sat in a electric chair for 5 seconds. he was with me when i found out that a lead for the dbs was placed in the wrong area in the brain. and because of his resolve to help me in my health crisis, he was by my side so that i was able to make it to cleveland clinic where the truth began to reveal what actually may be going on with my body. he continued the journey with me to rhode island and offered me a refuge as more truths availed.

this is where this chapter must end. the circumstances why it is ending are not as important as the content of the chapter. the length of how far the fisherman extended himself for me is beyond anything i have ever known. i cannot possibly express enough gratitude. i am out of that dark room now because of his help. i would not be walking without a cane without his conviction. i am able to see because he held the flashlight til we found true light.

steve, thank you for all you have done. without you i would still be stuck and the book wouldve ended there. now, i can walk on the new path in front of me. i know the depth of a soul, and the immense strength of a true friend. i will never know how to repay you as it is the value of my life. all i can do is say thank you. thank you so much. thank you my best friend.

[stevem53]

First of all, you are welcome..I am, I really dont know how else to say how I feel about the fact that you have been completely liberated from your wheelchair, your cane, and your floor, where I found you more times than I can count, than an answered prayer, and a devine intervention..There simply is no other explanation for it as for how everything fell into place, when the odds against this seemed so incredibly high..It felt like a Super Bowl game, with 10 seconds left on the clock in the 4th quarter, and we needed a Hail Mary pass to win the game, and we scored the touchdown with one second left on the clock..But this was not a football game, this was the game of life, and only God in His ultimate mercy, wisdom, compassion, and grace can make these incredible events/miracles become reality..Lazarus comes to mind...

The miracle of Lazarus
In the Gospel of John, Lazarus, also called Lazarus of Bethany or Lazarus of the Four Days, was a man who lived in the town of Bethany.[8] His sisters, Mary and Martha, sent word to Jesus that the one he loved was ill. Jesus delayed, and when he finally arrived it was found that Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days. Martha reproached him, and when Jesus assured her that Lazarus would rise, she thought he was referring to resurrection on Judgment Day. To this Jesus replied, "I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die".[9] In the presence of a crowd of Jewish mourners, Jesus had the stone rolled away from the tomb and bade Lazarus to come out. This he did, still wrapped in his grave-cloths. Jesus then called for his followers (friends and family alike) to remove the grave-cloths. The narrator claims many other Jews were convinced of Jesus' divinity after visiting Lazarus. [10].

Of course, unlike Lazarus, you were not dead and lay in the tomb for four days, but you were entombed alive in your own body for 24 years, and without trying to sound like some sort of Messiah, because Im not..But I, like Mary and Martha sent the word to Jesus, and He performed His works..I was only the messenger

When I traveled out to Washington, to meet you, I had a far different agenda on my mind, and that was to explore the possibilities of a relationship, and when I saw you sitting on the bench at the Seattle Airport, and you stood up and stumbled for a couple of steps to greet me, and reached out your arms in a to hug me in a Parkinsons like dance, I fell into a very deep infactuation with you instantly..Looking back at all that has happened since that day, I thought it was something other than it was..(the beginning of a romance)..But God had other ideas as it turned out, but this was His devine grace in action..It didnt take long for me to to build a strong affection, and attachment to you, and I can remember you warning me that you were in an advanced stage, and that it may scare me away, but as I witnessed your daily struggles, and there were many, and I became an active part of caregiving, the bond that developed, and the love for you that began to flow into my heart, gave me the fortitude, the willingness, and the desire, to go to whatever lengths I had to go, be it walk through hell, and challenge Satan himself if need be..and I did through thick and thin, no matter whether we were intimate, or at each others throat wondering if we would ever be able to stay in the same room with each other, and have to go our seperate ways as a result..But through all our trials, and adversities, we somehow managed to score that touchdown, with a Hail Mary pass, and with one second left on the clock..You walked out of Cleveland Clinic on Dec 19th, and have not sat in your wheelchair, and used your cane to assist you since..That is Gods grace..Nothing more..Nothing less..All He had to do was to find the right messenger to carry out His will, and that was my part in it, and as it turns out, God had a different plan than I did, as I sit here and write this today..

For me, it has been a very challenging emotional rollercoaster, that has left me in cronic heartbreak, with numerous sleepless nights since my flight landed in Seattle on Oct 23, 2008..It has also been a profound journey into the mysteries of the gifts of love, caring, understanding, compassion, kindness, friendship, courage, and geneousity that God has blessed my heart and soul with that day He came and saved me, on Oct 30, 1989 from the iron clad grip of alcoholism and heroin addiction, and saved my life, and changed my life, and as time has marched on, through my process of self discovery, these gifts have flourished, and I have through the past three months found a side of me, that I didnt know existed..A good side..One that wells my eyes up when I think about what God has enabled me to do, and accomplish with these gifts

But at the same time, I am far from perfect..I am still a work in progress..There is still alot of room for growth..I still want what God is not ready to give me in His own wisdom, and in His own way, for whatever reason

We, have been through alot of advesity with each other since you came to Rhode Island with me..Some exteremely emotionally trials, that I feared would render us bitter enemies after all we had been through, and acccomplished in such a short time..and that would be tragic, and devastating..These trials have led to your leaving here to go back home on Monday morning, and I wish that it didnt come to this..I am going to claim my part in this, and offer you my sincere, and humbled apologies..We sometimes learn our biggest lessons in life through our mistakes, and I have made some mistakes, because my heart has become a huge place through my spiritual growth over the years since God came to fill it with love, compassion, understanding and kindness..Although these are great blessings, they are there, but they are out of balance, and need to be tempered, redirected, and right sized..And as a result they interfere with my intellect, and render it powerless, and I get impatient, I get sensative, I get hurt easily, and thanks to pd for the loss of many of my feel good cells, I get impatient, I hold on to hopes and dreams, and then my heart sticks a stake into the processing center of my intellect, and I get lost, and I make decisions accordingly, and some of those decisions are unrealistic in the moment, and I really, really wish we both could have let alot of water run under the bridge, and just agree to disagree, and avoid alot of futile arguements, and misunderstandings, and live in the best harmony possible..
I wish you were staying, to finish what we started with your follow up with Dr Friedman, but we ended up at each others throats more to often lately, and again I offer my sincere and humbled apologies for my wrongs in all of this..You will always hold a special place in my heart, and no matter where our individual journeys lead us from here, I will think of you often, and if our paths do cross again, I hope it is is calm seas, and warm sunny days

I love you Laura, and in more ways than romantically

And as Dr Spock would say.."Live long and prosper"

[chasmo]

Steve;

You are a great guy, a true "Class act". We who call yyou "Friend" , are indeed truly blessed.

Charlie

[bandido1]

Harley & Steve M: A wonderful exchange of love no matter how one defines it! I logged on to this forum as "inspired" today. There must be a better emotion to describe my feelings and repect for your decision to post your feelings. Thanks for adding an extra spark to my day! Bob C

[Jaye]

Amen and alleluia!!

Steve, I look up to you for inspiration. I have an idea what happened: you were possessed by an angel. It's not just devils who do that, I've learned.

Jaye