That's a great example, and one that is very close to my situation, believe it or not. In the end, because of outside "noise", I had to cut my stay short by 2 weeks (was forced to really), and I would have *loved* to finish those. Oh, and it involved taking care of the dogs... It pained me for a long time, and could have turned very badly in hindsight.

I was so upset about it that exactly one year later, I asked for a meeting with the rehab staff to go over that situation, and they actually apologised to me. It's a long story, but it came back to me because you mention the "cutting short the stay". They appreciated me voicing my concerns and actually promised to change their "rules" so that this would never happen again. I had waited for one year sober to speak up so that I could somehow "prove" I wasn't just complaining for the sake of it (there was a lot of complaining going on in rehab ).

The best way to go in is to be sheltered as much as possible from the goings on at home (work...). I know that sounds selfish, but it is so important to be able to dedicate 100% of your stay to getting sober, that it has to take precedence over everything else. Most people aren't naturally selfish, but they need to be in this particular case - it pays itself many many times over later.

When you divide your attention - and part of your addiction wants you to! - you can't soak up the information that is given to you. When you don't get the right aftercare (like you say, treatment for PTSD for example), the chances are you are not going to make it.

I have seen too many cases where family drama during rehab made them quit or relapse. I know you can't stop the world just because you need treatment, and yet it is the ideal that should be pursued. There's so much guilt, self-anger, fear, discomfort, hope, mourning for the loss of your "little friend", self loathing, dealing with cravings, going on after you just sober up that you just can't take on anything else. You can't process much more.

A decent rehab should also involve reporting to close ones, counseling, explaining what goes on (without invading privacy). Mediation too. Loved ones are in a way patients too, and need help in dealing with what's going on. Rehab should not be a black box, that mythical place that turns an addict into a magically cured person.

We had no idea what rehab was, how to prepare for it. We were both scared out of our minds. I had been reading a lot about alcoholism, yet, as you say, almost nowhere did you read what exactly would happen there.

I was lucky in that I somehow figured out that being able to focus 100% was a big part of what would make or break it. I knew they wouldn't "cure me", they would give me 1) tools and 2) time to grasp them. I had closed down all my business dealings in an orderly fashion - which cost me a fortune, but it was money well spent - and prepared the house for my not being present. My wife works full time, but we bought things like a constantly running water fountain for the dogs and cats to drink from while they were alone in the house. Small stuff, but important. We did everything to prepare my stay so that I wouldn't have to worry OR could hide behind my concerns (!).

I had also decided my brain or intelligence wouldn't make me sober. Knowing statistics or being a smartass would not make me sober. Even though I'm a very private person, I wanted to fully cooperate, fit in, even if at first I didn't believe in something. When we were asked in "Creative Hour" to make a painting of our addiction, I went for it as serious as I could be. The normal me would laugh at that stuff (and many did), but I somehow felt that trying it *their* way would be wise. In hindsight I opened up as much as possible to their wisdom. To the other people in there too. I'm known as a difficult snarky person, but somehow I became very popular in there both for staff and other patients. I guess that was my secular way of doing what AA calls "admitting you have a problem and need help".

My wife didn't really believe in all that. She refused to attend the sessions with the psychologist. We fell out during my stay. I did so not need that at that point in time, but later on I understood. Ish. (also the reason why my stay was cut short). This is partly why it is so difficult for me to write about it. I feel I already said too much. Anyway...

So yeah, I think there's a book in there from our stories, from what went well, and what went wrong. Nobody is ever in the exact same situation, but just knowing a few stories of how it went for us could surely help people who are considering doing the same.

Wide-O, I understand that feeling of you've said too much, I'm sorry. This process triggers memories, feelings of regret, loss, angst & perhaps anger. Sadly but honestly, it's what a book will need. We will, all of us who choose to participate will need to dig deep and to be frank, leave nothing unturned.

DB rehab the 2nd time was 4 years later at the same facility. Of DB intake, I was the only carer / family member who attended the weekly evening group sessions. There were 16 in DB group. Your wife Wide-O is not alone and I was told it's extremely common for the partner, mother, or father to refuse to go. I was apprehensive but I will be forever grateful I went. The support they offered during & beyond was immeasurable & I learned so much. There were family members from other previous groups & future groups; some nights there would be as little as 10, other nights we swelled to 22. All had stories to tell & it so helped me ready myself for DB return.

The stories will need to be collated, edited and grouped so each chapter flows. Anyone on here got that experience, or know of someone who can assist? I truly believe we should do this and I'm prepared to help in any way I can. Everyone who contributes should I believe remain anonymous. Our world of today is far too intrusive of people's right to privacy.

No worries, I was aware of how much it will take. And I absolutely agree that it will have to be dead honest, otherwise it would be rather futile.

I once started writing in 2014, when I was seeing an psychologist/alcohol counselor, who, ironically enough, had worked at that same rehab years before. She liked what I was writing, (I had made a start of 10 pages, and a structure), but also found it confronting to hear how it feels to the patients - even though she was well aware of the daily life there. She was disappointed when I told her it was all too raw to continue. She was also ready to assist if I ever picked it up again, with the only proviso that the book would never suggest moderation is a possibility for alcohol abusers (and I fully agree with that).

I have worked as a journalist in a previous lifetime, and as a writer on a comedy website, so I have some experience, but then again that was always about other people.

As for assistance... let me talk to my good buddy from Canada. It was his life long friend who died in December due to alcohol BTW. He is well connected and has experience editing books and producing audio books. Mind you, if someone else has other suggestions I'm perfectly OK with that, I don't want to impose, and I don't even know if he's interested, but I have a feeling he will be. He'll be visiting me second half of this month, so we'll have some time to talk about our little (ahem) project. I also trust him 100%.

Yes, anonymous is pretty much a given. And if we go forward, we might consider taking it to a less public place to do the actual work. Not because we have much to hide, but because it might be slightly more comfortable. Nothing against NT of course, I'm very grateful for the platform they kindly provide. But I already feel we might be pushing the limits of what is useful content for their site (or this thread).

We on the support team consulted DocJohn about your proposed project. Just to make sure you all are following our guidelines.

His response was that a similar project was done not too long ago on the Parkinson's forum. That succeeded quite well to a final book. So Doc suggests you consider for privacy as did the PD posters, either requesting a private subforum, or a private social group here from him to keep your discussions private but still using NT as your platform. If you have any further questions, you can PM DocJohn anytime to discuss this project.

Here's DocJohn's profile so you can PM him for more info on setting up a free private subforum or group here to discuss and plan your book.

https://www.neurotalk.org/members/1.html

Wide-O your writing style demonstrate you still have it... if your friend would be willing to assist or point us in the right direction it will be wonderful. I wonder if it might be a touch to close in time, December seems only yesterday.

Mrs D & Chemar, thank you for your help, the idea of a private sub forum will I suspect help immensely.

We're gathering momentum, it's beginning to feel like it's going to happen

I have to run, but wanted to mention I had a kind PM from DocJohn, and replied. I'll try to respond here later and set it up!

Pam,
Any news how your SIL is coming along in rehab??

Gerry

Skyping dad tonight, hope to hear she actually went. Other than that not sure we will hear anything for 6 weeks. The first 2 weeks are in hospital on a locked ward and the following weeks are at the facility where there is strictly no family contact. News when it comes will be via the BIL that no one really wants to talk with & him having found the will (courage) to speak with dad. It might mean me reaching out by phone again. DB & his brother unlikely to be speaking with BIL (if ever) anytime soon.

Post edit
BIL taking dad to the hospital today to see her. So the good news is she went. I hope & pray today won't be stressful for dad, last time in hospital she was away wth the fairies & begging dad to take here home. We will Skype dad again next week and know more then. Thanks for asking Gerry. I'm told her PN is extremely bad.

2070 days sober.

Woke up early, threw the 1978 JC Penny cruiser bike in the wagon and went for a looong bike ride down by the river. It was a tad chilly in the shade, but when the clouds broke and the sun came through it was a real treat. I managed a few miles and did NOT fall on my face or bruise a shin bone so it was a success!