2223 days sober.

Pouring rain here in Virginia, remnants of a hurricane in Texas and I am elbow deep in rebuilding a fuel injection harness for a 40 year old van. I don't have the time for PN right now...too busy having fun and thinking about fall camping!

I suspect I had the perfect storm brewing here with major stress and anxiety in my crappy life, coupled with exercise after having been so inactive for years. I cannot do much about the stress but I will need back off the gym for a bit. I wasn't doing much, some leg exercises and 1/2 mile daily, but evidently even that was too much for my poor damaged body. I still hurt like hell but it is important to keep my spirits up. Yesterday I was falling into the abyss and that is a scary dark place to dwell.

I remember way back that the Gab made me very loopy but the neurologist said to stick with it for two months and the side effect should fade. It did. I cannot afford to be dim witted just now with all on my plate but as my life settles I will consider trying the meds. There is no reason to continue to be in this pain. I had hoped to see improvement in sobriety and being medicated I would not be able to realize my gains but it is evident that any improvement will be a long slow process and I am getting worn.

While not wanting to sound dim-witted, could you tell me what Gab is?
Thanks.

Gabapentin, sold under the brand names Neurontin among others, is a medication sold to treat neuropathic pain, hot flashes, and restless legs syndrome - source Wikipedia

QUOTE=coopster;1251927]While not wanting to sound dim-witted, could you tell me what Gab is?
Thanks.[/QUOTE]

Nerd info: the name is kinda interesting, as it refers to the GABA receptors in our brain. (there's GABA A and GABA B, but that goes a bit far). Alcohol and benzodiazepines have an effect on those receptors, making us slow down, feel calmer, and eventually, feel depressed.

That's why there are so many confusing links between alcohol medication and anti-depressants.

Those same receptors play a role in how we perceive nerve pain, making it all even more complicated.

What makes alcohol so difficult to "cure" is that it also releases dopamine, so we *think* we feel good, while what we are really doing is making ourselves depressed. And if we have neuropathy, as long as we are drinking (enough) we don't feel that pain (same brain receptors) so much, but when we stop, we feel the full brunt of the damage (depending on type of PN).

True story: in rehab we had to do some art projects as well (quite fun, actually). I was making a drawing about GABA receptors, and the course leader hinted that "I may be overthinking it all a little bit". Ho hum, she probably had a point.

But if it interests you, this is a decent article: https://www.forbes.com/sites/daviddi...to-your-brain/

Haha you made me really laugh out loud. True story- DB & his group had to make a drawing about gaba receptors, it was called free hand to boot, and predominantly done with the knowledge this drug could set you on a pathway to freedom?

While everyone else drew waves of lines filled with interconnecting colour and entwined to represent DNA etc. DB drew a perfect dolphin!

Even doing 1/2 mile walking daily, might be dropped to every other day, as well as the leg exercising. In the case of PN; pain is "no gain".

I understand this is a reminder of how little it takes to aggravate your condition; but don't give it all up. Dwelling on what you can do rather than what you can't do will only pull you, as you mentioned to a "scary dark place".

I've had a good talking to "self" on this same issue. Got out yesterday a.m. and did some needed gardening and watering. Just about forget my disability for a while. Mission accomplished was a good feeling.

SC, take it low and easy; but please don't give up.


Gerry

Many thanks Gerry and good for you getting out and getting something done. That is what is so devastating to me about this neuropathy. Everyone needs a feeling of accomplishment and purpose and that has been taken from me, albeit by my own hand. Most days it is all I can do to shower and do one simple household chore.
I think I will be moving in the near future and will need much help and I will likely need to hire someone to clean the place after I leave. This stuff is all unmanageable in my condition. I just feel like such a total load and I have many regrets. Maybe this context would be better served in a private message so not to jam up the board but I just got another dose of harsh reality. Someone just tried to pick me up in the produce aisle of my food store. I went from friendly to extremely annoyed when asked for my phone number. I curtly said "I don't date"! and abruptly walked or kinda stumbled away but it hurt me. That is just another loss, the reality that I am destined to be alone. No one wants to be a nurse maid and that is what I would need in a relationship. It would be completely one sided.
Going forward I have to believe in The Promises that life will get better in sobriety but so far the reality of my situation is sinking in. I see myself growing old without companionship, I will never be the grandparent, (should my kids ever have) that I want to be and I don't see myself being able to contribute to society in any meaningful way. Like I said in my earlier post, even my poor dog is too much of a commitment these days.
I am done with my pity party. I raise my glass of green ice tea, (had to put a dash of sugar in it) and say cheers to all and hope for better days ahead. What is done and done and all we can do is do the best we can and be all that we can be, but damn.... some days are harder than others.

Actually today didn't turn out so bad. I pushed myself and actually got much accomplished. I feel blessed.