10Decisions, congrats on your sobriety. Overall you are doing amazing well and while further progress may be slow, it sounds like you caught your neuropathy early and can likely expect further improvement.

Yes, it is the horizontal that brings on the burning in my lower extremities. I wonder if that is the position or that it is the end of the day that brings it on.

As to regrets I have many but I try not to let head to go there. When it does I tell myself I did the best I could under my circumstances and "It takes what it takes" and had to be on my knees praying for death and close to suicide til I realized I had to make changes. I have ruined my good looks and essentially made myself a cripple and ruined my excellent health but I can't dwell there and can only try to use this remorse to vow NEVER to go back there again.

Should you want to make amends I would recommend via email or letter in case it is not well received and also you can carefully choose your words, but if your past haunts you then apologies and explanations can be very cleansing for all. I have been hurt by many these last several years and I would love to get their amends so I could forgive and forget.
I use to tell myself that I am only hurting myself but in hindsight I now realize I hurt my family as I am not who and what I was and therefore I have wronged them as well. In failing health I realize that they may feel the need to care for me and that was never my intention. Unfortunately I can never disclose my alcoholism and that will need remain my dirty little secret.

Best wishes to all.

Said it before, but it bears (bares?... damn, this is one I'll never learn no matter how long I'll try to master English) repeating: awesome work.

I'm on the other side of that spectrum but I fully understand what you are saying. My liver must have been fighting sooooo hard, as did the rest of my body, because I still functioned. I could pretend to be a normal human being, work, go out... the neuropathy started a full 2 years before I took the plunge. It was a big part of the decision, but in the end, not the "clincher". That's something that happens in the brain (or not ). It got so bad that it probably helped me stay sober, but enough about me.


Personally I'm not a religious person, but no matter how you call it, something happens, and it calls out your name... time to shape up or die. Like you, I believe I would have been dead now if I had drank for another year.

It's good to try them all, to give it time, to see if you see a pattern. It seems to be highly personal, our bodies all have different strengths and vulnerabilities. I also feel that the process of trying, of doing something in itself helps. Not giving up hope, try this, try that. For me, sugar is a big one, stress the other. Smoking, salt, coffee, was not. Best we can do is try to find out what helps us. And be patient. I'm not saying that as a cop-out: nerves take time to heal, some won't heal, pathways will adapt, our brain will get used to certain inputs (or lack of them...). It's not a cold, it's a complicated condition that affects many parts of our bodies (and mind...)

Sounds pretty good to me!

Confirms the above. But you'll still do that from time to time, am I right? . And pay the price, and that's OK. We need to live a little too, sometimes give our PN the finger for a bit.

In my case: no. Standing hurts most. Horizontal is OK, but sometimes induces cramps in my toes. Painful ones, my toe that completely bends into a wrong shape. Need to stand up for a minute, and it goes away.

I also sleep (in normal circumstances) like a baby. My PN has never ever kept me awake - apart from those cramps, usually when I have done hard labor in the day or days before. Like I don't use my toes correctly because I don't feel them, and the muscles don't get the correct guidance.

Make sure you mention this next time you go a doc. I know that it may be important, it may be connected to something else. When I had to fill out my questionnaire pre-op, there were quite a few questions that went "and what about when you lay down, do you feel xyz?" Could be totally unrelated, or a small piece of the puzzle.

If you stay sober? My guess is it will not get worse. It may even slowly heal a bit more. You will get older like the rest of us, but I personally don't think the PN part will get worse. Mrs. D. may be a better judge on this.

I have many. But I will not let them overwhelm me. I did stuff, paid a price. I'm still better off than so many others.

Give it time. I happen to have received an earful recently (richly deserved )... basically, even if we think we did OK, we didn't. I understand that now. I'm not very well versed in the Big Book stuff; try to make up, but leave alone if it hurts them more. Don't explain. Apologize. If he or she asks for more later on, you can talk about it, but never use it as an excuse. You hurt them, and you are sorry. Even if they never ever want to see you again, they will appreciate that you said sorry without expecting anything in return.

If you don't mind a personal anecdote: one day I wrote a message to a friend that was way way way over the line. It doesn't even matter that she kinda deserved it, but my reaction was totally over the top. I was hurt, I lashed out, and was rude as hell. Think of the worst swear words you know. Now double that. That was my message.

My best buddy, who also knows this person, knew what had happened. He didn't comment for a long while, but one day, he said: "dude: you need to apologize. I know why you were angry, I know your heart was in the right place. But you were a rude 4sshole". He said it very kindly, but he meant it. I had long left the online community where this happened, but I heard him. I logged back on, and wrote a totaly sincere apology. I wrote that I didn't expect her to forgive me. I wouldn't bother her further, but just wanted her to know I was sorry, genuinely sorry, that I was out of line. That there were no excuses for what I said. None. End off. No need to reply. Logged off, never talked about it again to my buddy (but he knew I had sent the message), never gone back there.

Two years later, this lady welcomed me back with open arms into that community. It brought me to tears, it made me feel very humble. We never talked about it again, and made jokes, just like we had done all those years before.

This second part may or may not happen to you. I certainly didn't expect it!

Way too many words again, sorry, I'm in babble mode. Still, I hope it somewhat answers your question.

Good point.

And your life will get better again. It may not seem that way now, but it will. You will find pride in what you are doing now: your darn hardest best to make it better. Do you realize how strong that makes you?

You are not "a cripple". You are way more, so much more, a human, with still a lot of opportunities to make something of your life. To do things you love to do, or find new ones. Yes, your body may not be 100% again. And that is rough and painful. But you are not defined by the things that aren't OK. You will find a way, just keep believing in yourself, be kind to yourself.

And never forget: we are here for you, this silly little place on that huge internet where we know what the other is saying or going through, as we can exchange many of the T-shirts.

Finally, I'm very happy. My procedure went beyond expectations. I babbled enough, so I'll keep this short: it's fixed, the staff were angels, the pain much less than expected.

Is it wrong to give flowers to a surgeon when you go back for routine control? I'll find out soon enough.

I have repeatedly been told that quitting smoking will help with the neuropathy issues but to date have been unsuccessful in that effort, however I am cutting back. I don't know if it is just coincidence but I have noticed a slight improvement in my leg weakness these last few days and I notice also that after a couple hours without a smoke the burning is less intense and then a smoke seemingly brings it on. Today is the first time I have associated the cigs with the PN and will need to more closely monitor to see if it continues to hold true. If so that is encouraging and yet one more major reason to quit.

Wide-O, happy to hear the procedure went well. Flowers are always appreciated. In the past I have written thank you notes only to see them years later still posted on the doctor's bulletin board. Any gesture to show thanks is always well received.

Wide-O, that is excellent about the surgery .

Making "amends" was the one of the best things I ever forced myself to do. I recently took a trip and made amends with two people that I had not spoke to in nearly a decade. It was an emotional and positive connection that will grow back into the friendship it used to be. Very satisfying.

I see a pattern here: Booze, smokes, sugar and salt.

I am reluctant to even attempt to eliminate all four (one is gone already) as I enjoy the other three WAY too much. But, perhaps it's worth a 30 day challenge..

Kiwi33 - I've had a look at CBT I do something somewhat similar with a counselor. My counselor actually recommended a book to me I found very useful, it's called 'Running on Empty' by Jonice Webb. It's a little American at times, for me as a Brit, but it all still applies.

I had never really considered my childhood as a problem because nothing bad happened to me, as such. But this book looks at what didn't happen to you as well, and how that might impact you in later life.

Second Chances - interesting you get the same when horizontal. Must be something in that.

Wide-0, thank you for the support. Your response was really uplifting! Put me in a good mood for a couple of days actually. I'm not religious as such, but I do believe something was calling me at that time.

You're right about having sugar at times and just accepting that tingling will come. It doesn't feel too bad when I almost induce it. I feel more in control.

I actually posted because I'd been binging on chocolate and was beginning to feel the tingling and burning more and more often. But since posting my diet has been lots and lots of veggies, fish, lean meat and lentils / brown rice. Symptomless until I begun to type 'symptomless' and my feet just gave a tingle. Always happens!

With regards to my PN improving or worsening, Wide-0, I plan to remain sober for my remaining years. I'm not finding the non drinking thing overly hard anymore. It felt impossible for the first 90 days. It felt maybe potentially doable for the following 90 days, but now feels very possible. I plan on eating a healthy diet with supplements too. So more improvement would be great. I actually read a study from a university which showed recovery is taking place to a significant extent for 18 months, and then continues after but to a lesser degree.

I have been using CBD oil since July also which is a legal, over the counter job in all countries I believe. I went to purchase some when I was in Vegas recently and the woman who served me had diabetic neuropathy, and said the only reason she was able to stand behind the counter was CBD oil.

Wide-0, The message you said you sent to a friend with very bad language is the kind of thing I'm referring to of my treatment. A lot of bad language, hurtful comments, and deliberately trying to bring people down to my level at that time. It's funny when you said 'kinda deserved it' because my brother and I, whose sober longer than me talk about this a lot....

How many times did situations happen, or people do things, which weren't great to say the least. But when you're the most drunk, and you're the one who doesn't remember what's happening....you get blamed in entirety. The amount of times I've said to my Dad or bro, 'Imagine if I was drunk in this situation'...when somebody starts an argument, or like one time a woman threw a drink in my face because I declined her offer of allowing me to buy her a drink...luckily I could explain to the security what happened exactly.

I see it now...a guy or girl gets blackout drunk, does very little wrong, and the next day is bombarded with accusations of wrongdoings for what was very little. But those accusations combined with the depression from the alcohol create a very guilty feeling...one that would mean I would immediately begin drinking again. And the circle goes on!

I think I mentioned previously my running...I forget exactly which forum I said things on...because I have a similar one for 'Pancreatitis survivors'. I'm now managing to run and compete in 5k and 10k races in a pretty respectable way. Finished 29th out of 180 on Saturday morning in a timed 5k. I get such a sense of enjoyment from it.

And Wide-0 good news on the surgery.

Last note...Icehouse has pointed out the 4 key problem areas. Everytime I abstain from the 1 out the 4 I struggle with...sugar, for a long period of time (which is about a month with say only about bars in total), I find I'm better each time I do that. When I eventually binge again it's not as bad as it was. Worth noting.

Post-op update post. (say 3 times fast)

It's amazing how well all is healing, pain isn't even a thing. Even though I would probably not pass airport security as I have 28 titanium staples in my, ahem, bum. The machine would go nuts!

I brought my wife to the airport yesterday, in my car which isn't exactly known to be comfortable, 200km trip, no problem at all.

I did ask the surgeon, and yes, healing from an operation like this is helped greatly by not drinking and not smoking. Another good reason to stay the course. (not that I would like to have more surgery, but you know what I mean. )

Day 1983.