[rscowboy2005]

I want to talk to talk about about loss.

I spent Labor Day weekend at a church retreat at Menucha.

http://www.menucha.org/

I have a meat loaf in the oven, but been thinking about this post for almost 24 hours, so decided to start writing it.

I talked with my wife until late hours last night. The retreat was good for me. I turned off my cell phone and stayed away from the computer for most of the time { I did have some time to work on the documentary and check the Ducks game score }, but it was nice to focus elsewhere, especially the beauty.

There was lots of walking; whenever I was in a location to do so, I took off my Nikes and wore my Russian slippers { because the freedom from any shoes is worth the odd effort }. The workshop leader did a good job of breaking into small groups for discussion; it was a good opportunity for me to meet members because I am considering church membership. If I was changing into my slippers, I felt compelled to explain “I have a rare foot condition”. At least to the first couple of groups. I accepted one ride down the hill to a group meeting, but otherwise walked everywhere. Slowly, but across the grass and along the roads, I walked.

When I compare my condition to a year ago, I can easily see the rate of progression. I may have the pain slightly managed, but the disease rolls on.
My biggest fear is happening. My mobility is impaired. I am getting older.
I fear I can no longer do the work that I have done for the majority of my life.
It is that realization that probably hits the hardest.

Yes, I will get the ssdi application in – maybe even by October 1.

But what comes after? My wife is preparing for work, but she will not be ready for at least six months. We’ve made a rough draft budget and even after it is approved there is a gap.

Because of my field, there is a window of opportunity to not get re-licensed but what comes next?

I would welcome stories of experience, strength and hope about your transition at that time when you had to leave your work.

And of course, all prayers gratefully received.

CB