When any major crisis hits most of us go through the stages of grief- this happens when we have health set backs too.

[A Normal Life Process

At some point in our lives, each of us faces the loss of someone or something dear to us. The grief that follows such a loss can seem unbearable, but grief is actually a healing process. Grief is the emotional suffering we feel after a loss of some kind. The death of a loved one, loss of a limb, even intense disappointment can cause grief. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has named five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss. Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages. Their lives can be painful until they move to the fifth stage - acceptance.
Five Stages Of Grief

1. Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
2. Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
3. Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
4. Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
5. Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Grief And Stress

During grief, it is common to have many conflicting feelings. Sorrow, anger, loneliness, sadness, shame, anxiety, and guilt often accompany serious losses. Having so many strong feelings can be very stressful.

Yet denying the feelings, and failing to work through the five stages of grief, is harder on the body and mind than going through them. When people suggest "looking on the bright side," or other ways of cutting off difficult feelings, the grieving person may feel pressured to hide or deny these emotions. Then it will take longer for healing to take place.
Recovering From Grief

Grieving and its stresses pass more quickly, with good self-care habits. It helps to have a close circle of family or friends. It also helps to eat a balanced diet, drink enough non-alcoholic fluids, get exercise and rest.

Most people are unprepared for grief, since so often, tragedy strikes suddenly, without warning. If good self-care habits are always practiced, it helps the person to deal with the pain and shock of loss until acceptance is reached.]

from -
http://www.memorialhospital.org/libr...ess-THE-3.html

Hi Jak:

Reminds me of when Alan was at his worse (with his PN), years ago. He told me recently, "Melody, I never told you this, but I was ready to end it all". I was so shocked, I never knew he felt like that.

But as you now know, Alan got a break and got better.

Miracles do happen.

I am praying for one for you!!!

Take care, Melody

Time for some serious stuff... Please don't check out on us, your wife or family. I know it's tempting, but think about the pain you would cause those left behind who love and care about you. I understand you are not asking for pity. Pain is a tough row to hoe, for sure...

What if.... You found a doctor tomorrow, who with the right combination of meds, could give you at least a part of your old life back, maybe quite a bit of it back... Or if not tomorrow, the next day or the next? Please don't give in to this temptation...

When I first got sick, I was in such agony, I would call my husband at school every day screaming, crying and threatening to do myself in. Like you, I wasn't asking for pity either-I wanted relief AND my old life back. At 48, I could not imagine living like I was living. However, the medication I am on at least checks part of the pain and symptoms. No, I don't like taking it, but it has at least given me a portion of my life back.

Am I still angry? YES!!!! But, I am trying very hard to focus on what I can do though.

The other thing that has been a blessing is that I have a supportive spouse, just as you do. I don't know you well, or your spouse, but from some of what you have said, she still loves you, even if you cannot do some of the things you used to be able to do. Isn't that worth living for?

Please, pick up the phone tomorrow and call a pain management doctor. Meanwhile, get to a Rheumatologist and see if they can determine if you have some autoimmune issues. You know some of the autoimmune diseases can also cause PN. If you don't, a good, supportive pain management doctor might be able to give you some relief...

And, give the ice a try. I will be happy to send you one of my ice packs, if you would like to try one out...

Cathie

It has been such a comfort knowing we can count on each other. And now i
know what a relieve for my children.They can't cure you and i know my pain
is breaking there hearts.They see there once very active mom barely able to
make it up the stairs.

I to have cried,complained far to much,yes even to people on the street.
Why mybe, i was so desperate i thought a cure would pop out of there
mouths.And yes i to have had those thought i can't do this anymore.

Than you get a call like i did,my daugters sweet happy voice mom i had
to call you first your going to be a Gradmama There's no amount of pain
that would make miss that..What a wonderfull world,except for today OUCH!
All kinds of blessings to all of you... Sue, May 1st could be baby day :

I hear you. Ever since I started getting so sick and having this excruciating burning all over my body - very "bad" thoughts have crossed my mind.

I wonder if I'm going to become a burden on my husband very prematurely. He's only 26 - I'm 28. I don't want to become an embarassment to him. I have trouble even feeling like a "woman", which is another heartache.

There were times when I read things about PN progression when I seriously thought I should throw in the towel in advance. Not knowing how fast this will go, or what the pain will be like......it's maddening at times.

But like other people have said - who knows? Tomorrow this COULD just get better, or maybe the docs will figure something out....or maybe a new treatment will come up some years from now. So, I've decided to stay in the fight as long as I can, change some of my own bad habits. I don't know why this is happening to me - sometimes I think I must have upset Karma or something - but it doesn't matter...I have to struggle on.

I don't know how bad it is for you, I'm sure even I would have my limit. But I think I want to go on as long as I can, with hope for a bit of relief/hope somewhere soon.

Liz

Many of the people on here remember my not so recent diagnosis. I am the single mom of 2 daughters and a granddaughter. I have NO ONE to take care of me. I have been raising them alone for 18 years and if I don't work, no one will pay rent, no one will buy food, and no one will pay for the medical insurance.

I have NEVER had to ask for help from anyone, I was raised by alcoholic parents and learned to feed and take care of my brothers when I was 7 years old. I don't depend on other people for anything.

I also used to run 5 miles every morning, workout in the gym at lunch, put myself through college while my daughters were at dancing lessons, and worked as a secretary during the day to pay the rent. I finally made it into management, and am paying for my daughters to go to college, still renting a house, helping raise my granddaughter, I was the Supermom who needed NO ONE. One day I get a phone call that my mom put a gun to her heart and pulled the trigger. Three weeks later, my 16 year old daughter gave birth to a baby girl... I started to get sick, slow down, I thought it was grief, depression... suddenly, I couldn't even drive myself to work!

Then the doctors tell me I am going to be disabled and I have to take drugs just to be able to walk to the bathroom! I had to use a cane to walk at work. I have to ask for help from other people! That is like asking me to cut off my arms and legs! I would starve to death and work two jobs to feed my children before I would take a hand out from anyone.

This is a very humbling disease. It teaches you that you are not alone in this world, and there are many people who love you, if you will just let them. If you think you were a strong person before, you have no idea the challenges you will be able to overcome!

Once I learned to accept it, and work with it instead of against it, I started to heal, now I walk normally, I eat healthy, my granddaughter just turned 4 years old and I can ride bikes with her... life is getting better! I still can't run yet, but I haven't given up!

Where are you? I am hoping to hear from you.

Cathie

It embarrasses me to even think that my "pain" is even in the same league as the real gutsy people that have responded to my rants. My pain is just in my feet.....yes....I wish I didn't have the constant numbness and aching and reminder that it will never be "right" again, but it hasn't moved up my legs, or in my arms. I can't do the things I used to do as a young man, but I'm not confined to a wheelchair....or a cane......My HMO will NOT assist me in being referred to a pain clinic, so I guess I will have to try and find an alternative, since the taking of narcotics will also not be condoned by my GP or my neurologist. Minnesota connotes narcotic abuse. Maybe I can get involved in Tai chi or qigong.....as an alternative to traditional western medicine. I wish I would have thought of that before I had the Podiatrist chop up my feet.

Jakatak,

Reading thru this thread - yes, so many of us have had to leave our "old" lives behind and adjust and make the best we can going forward with what we have now.... and it is very very hard..... one day I was wokring hard, playing hard, and loving every day - and literally a year later really homebound, unable to work, having to use a wheelchair or walker, no longer able to eat food (only liquids now for 6 years) - and most devestating - the lost of who I was, and being a "normal" part of society... it sucks... but, I believe theres a reason and a lesson here somewhere for me, and every day try to find something to feel like I'm still making a contribution and going forward.....

Yes, there have been many nights I wonder why I'm still here - that I had a great life until I got sick and that was enough and how valuable a contribution can I possibly make going forward.... I dont have the answer...but do unfortunately have had freinds over the years decide they could not handle going forward for one reason or another and take their own lives..... the pain and suffering of their family and friends at their loss they will never know - but its intense - and never goes away..... survivors are left wondering how they could have helped, if they could have made a difference......

It sounds like you have a wonderful family - they need you and support you, even if our physical bodies are no longer what they were - you are still living in there - and that person is who is important - not the ability to run etc.... yes, debilitiong illness is a huge loss for us - but its also a bridge to something new, and its up to us to try to find it and continue on....

I'll get off my soapbox - but hang in there - we have to - life is so precious and goes by so fast - grab what you can!

Hi Jak:

Let me see if I have this straight. Your doctor won't refer you to a pain clinic, even though you are in pain.

And this is because your stat has some kind of "zero tolerance" for pain meds if the patient needs it. Because they are afraid you'll become addicted?? Is this correct?

If this is the case, I'd get on the phone to my representatives and tell them what's going on. Maybe, politically, someone Higher Up on the totem pole, well, maybe they can get you into some research program, or some protocol where you will be given something to manage your pain.

I got into a diabetes protocol at Cornell Medical Center because they were doing a 9 year study on the affect of Cardio vascular disease in diabetic women. I get all my meds and testing stuff at no cost and I get complete physicals, (head to toe), all eye testing (done by a top guy at Cornell). All of this for no cost because I am in the ACCORD PROGRAM.

You should have seen the face on the guy in the Opthamologist's office in the Cornell Building, when I was sent for my first complete eye examination. There was this case with $500 eye glasses. There were people who had some kind of implants in their eyes and they were showing me their implant cards. I never saw such hi-tech stuff in my life. When they asked me what I was there for and I said "I'm in the ACCORD program and I'm in a study protocol and I don't pay, well the look on their face was priceless.

As was the look on the face of the guy at the front desk when I gave him my appointment letter and he goes "what kind of insurance do you have?" and I said "I don't need insurance, I don't pay anything". and he goes "what kind of nonsense is that, what do you mean YOU DON'T PAY??" and I simply said one word ACCORD. Shut him right up.

The point I am making is this. If I had never looked into study protocols and various programs, I would have never found the ACCORD program and I wouldn't be where I am today.

Maybe, in your state, there might be SOMETHING to look into where you can get pain management. I think it's terribly unfair for your doctor to expect you to be in pain and not give you what you need simply because he thinks you might become addicted.

Like I said in a previous post. "Let the doctors spend one day with neuropathy" You'll see how fast they pass a pain management bill or something to that effect!!!

sending you cyber hugs.
Mlody