I know your pain
 

I know your pain. I live it every day and have for 5 years now. I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. No one understands the physical and emotional pain of wanting to feel better. I wish I had an answer. I really do. I don't understand any of what has happened to me . I don't understand why these things happen but pray that one day I will understand all this and be able to help other people deal with the night-mere of chronic pain. All I can say is I am so, so sorry and that I understand the night-mere you are living right now.

Thank you, all of you how supportive and compassionate you are.
Texan ill find your article and read it. I promise!
Ginnie- congrats on quitting cold turkey like that after that long. Wow!!I'm sorry about your dad. I only smoke about 10 a day. Were trying again next week with the hypnosis to tackle it from an anxiety standpoint.
The weather here in Ottawa is beautiful today,( sunny and 25 degrees), and some positive things have happened! It just goes to show that things can get better. More money seems to be coming in from different sources and that is a huge relief. I'm working with someone from disability employment supports and have a kick *** resume now . I'm training in the family business and I seem to be getting somewhere in that regard. Hooray!
Now, my moods swing violently, but therapy is helping me soften them a little. Little by little, I'm learning how to deal with life more rationally, I still have some addictions , ocd thinking patterns,pain flares ,and deep depressive states..but at least I'm not staying in bed crying.
I am persisting and fighting.. today-anyway. Tomorrow I have a therapy session and a job, so that will get me out of bed. I find keeping busy very helpful.

I have called the crisis line once myself. I also have always found genuine support on here. :grouphug:

Update soon

Hi feather bullet
 

You are inspiration to all of us. You have such a fighting spirit! hang on to that!
It wasn't hard to quit the smoking...ha ha ha... I did out on the east coast when I had a 1,400 mile drive home cold turkey. I cussed and carried on all the way home. Even my very loving cat who loved the car rides, would not sit on my lap. I just used that anger toward myself, as I had gotten into the fix I was in. Mine was cold habbit, not anxiety. I know it is hard to do.
Keep pushing forward. Glad money isn't so tight. That makes alot of difference in our quality of life. ginnie:hug:

I hear you. I get it. You aren't alone. I quit smoking and hit my weight loss goal of 40 pounds last August and then developed SFPN in September. I felt robbed and cheated. Why did I do all this good stuff for myself to have this happen? You are not alone!!

My depression truly knocked me on my butt when I went off the Neurontin. I scared the heck out of my MD. I went on Cymbalta. It took about 2 weeks, but I am better. I have hope. Re: the ice packs. Do you have access to a swimming pool? I get total relief in the water and positive exercise too. I forget my illness when swimming. Maybe this can help you too. Also, yes, its pricey, but I use a cooling pad to sleep from a company called chili technology. Bless whomever invented this. It helps with my back burning.

Love yourself. Respect yourself. Be kind to yourself.

Hi Suzie (my moms name ) :-)
I have ocd as well, so I can't use public pools because I find them akin to large toilets or bathtubs. :/

I'm sorry that you had the misfortune of becoming ill after taking strides towards a healthier lifestyle. Life can be unfair and bad things happen to good people :(

I've tried over 10 anti depressants since my teens and none have worked well enough for me to continue.
Things are harder when you are predisposed or develop depression with the neuropathy. Its an uphill battle it seems.
I'm grateful for this support forum. Its a gift.
Thanks for your comment and support. :hug:

Life of pain
 

:DI am new to this chat room but I too have suffered from neuropothy problems including sensorimotor polyneuropothy, the chronic pain over the years has seemed life threatening over the years but only because I didn't want to live anymore because of the sever pain. I too have been on meds and still am and sometimes it feels like I am not taking any because the pain is so great, the tingly burning feet and legs, the stabbong bone senations, nerve twitches throbbing ponding pain in the legs, sleepless nights etc. but I do have something to have control over and that is the way I choose to survive this life long battle. Yes, sometimes I feel like dying so the pain would stop but I know God has me here for a bigger purpose, I am a mother of 3 grown children 2 of whom just got married in the last year, grandma to 3 grandchildren and wife of the most loving husband. Many days are spent in pain in bed but no matter what it takes I will fight to be able to continue my purpose here in life, to lend an encouragingword to others, to see my childrens smile, to love my husband and to thank God for the little things in life. I was a motived, fun loving do it myself person and the hardest thing was learning to be able to let go and let others but now I have experienced a new meaning of love, I want you all to know there is more to life just in a different way.

I am an athiest. I have never felt gods presence..and I definitely do not believe that "god lets us suffer for a purpose"
What's mine? I have no family. Its not making me stronger..only weaker and constantly wanting to die. If "God" tortures us in hopes of eternal life, then then he is a sadist.
It's a fairy tale! But, whatever gets a person through the day is a good thing in my eyes. It just doesn't resonate with me. I've prayed thousands of times without a glimmer of change over the last two decades.

Moving right along..
Yeah. Having a hard time again...:mad:

Hi Feather
 

I know things arn't easy for you. I know belief can be impossible when you are in pain. thats OK. Nobody here will try to get you to believe in something you don't.
I listened to Steven Hawkins last night. He told about how perfect the universe is. I go from a view point of science. Even the smartest man in the world cannot rule out a divine creator. He goes back and forth believe me. He is the one who has lou gerics disease. Can't move at all, only his eyes. His brain is free however. You are right about one thing, if there is a God as the scientist are questioning, he does NOT want us to suffer and be miserable. That would be a cruel God indeed. Not the one I believe in for sure.
I just hope that things get better for you. I hope your doctors will provide more relief for you. I care feather bullet, and I know you are not happy with your current therapies. Can you get another doctor to help you? ginnie:hug:

I'm an atheist too. Believe too much in science. No way to I believe in any higher being at all, except the force of nature if anything. I don't think that matters at all when it comes to getting support for yourself. I don't want to get too much into it, because I don't want to insult those who do believe in their "god".

Go outside, watch a bird do it's thing, appreciate the flowers growing. Know that they come back year after year even though they die back in winter. They go through hell just trying to live, they die, but their genetic makeup allows them to flourish again in the spring. You can do that too. There are plants that live like 10 months out of the year under snow, but come out for that brief period.

Just because everything is sucky right now doesn't mean you won't blossom later on. Your genetic makeup will allow that to happen, but you have to wait for the snow to melt around you. That snow will melt with the right meds and help from an awesome doctor.

And yeah, I had a period in my life that the pain was so bad and my mental state was so off from the pain I wanted to jump off a bridge. But I got through it. It didn't seem I would until I was past it and I could look back at it.

Thanks Ginnie and Chaos. Sooo much.
I might have offended some people. I'm sorry for that. Obviously I am very angry at how sh**y life has been. I've been blessed with horrible mental illness as well, so I am very very rarely feeling good both physically and mentally. I always have a full plate when it comes to health problems.
I know we can't disprove God, but I am a see it to believe it kind of person. Or at least feel it ! Lol.
I've had so many doctors, that I can't even count. I always seem to be given up on or given bad advice, no hope, have to wait and wait and wait, or am not listened to.I'm now being referred to a rheumatologist . Referrals here take 8-10 months. My pain doc has me on the fentanyl patch which is just awful. Headaches, fatigue, hot flashes, inconsistent pain relief..I asked to change but he doesn't want me having a relationship with pills again, given my mental problems. It really works against me. :eek:
Today I've had the burning pins and needles practically everywhere. Anxiety through the roof, depression, anger..you name it. I don't have many friends because of my situation. I no longer have any men in my life either. I think of online dating and then figure I have nothing to offer. :confused:
I try to get out, work, see friends, family, walk, learn guitar, read books ,etc. But I never feel happy . People make me anxious a lot. I constantly have a tight feeling
in my chest and depressing thoughts. I just want to sleep lately. When I wake up I roll my eyes and say oh great, back to reality...
I'm afraid of being at the doctor too much so I suffer in silence between appointments.
Now I may have tinnitus in my left ear. Great!!

You are an inspiration to me, although I feel like my mental problems compound my situation into one large s**t sandwich lol.
Its hard not to want to give up. I turn 30 this year. I feel like life is already over.
But, I always have a small flame that burns within me, a sense of hope. Something that keeps me wondering if tomorrow something great will happen to get me out of this dark place.
I keep getting out of bed every day, so I guess it could be worse. .
Love feather