[tinaanne]

I used to love the holidays - but these days it is work, more work and then some. My neuropathy has been with me for 12 years and I am on oxy and lyrica and it controls it to a manageable level most of the times. But with the holidays brings the work and also the biggest part for me is my husband suffers with depression and it gets worse as he eats and eats the sugar. You would think after 38 years of marriage things would be on coast but honestly having this illness has made things so much worse. I was the strong one and did everything I could to "hold" him up during the bad times - but now I tend to need more of the holding then him - except this time of year - we are both a mess. I try to bring up some hope of change and I'm usually an optimistic person - but this time I'm really down myself. If he dealt with his depression it would be better, but it is always something else that is the problem - he often doesn't look at it as a medical condition (as most depressed people) it is this or that.
I guess I just needed to talk and maybe get a hug. Thanks for always being here whenever I need you guys - I'm not good at coming often but it is a comfort knowing you are here.

I do hope you all have a Happy New Year - and here is to hoping
Tina

[Susanne C.]

I understand. Although I still love the holidays, this year it has been a little too much. I made it to Christmas and was caught up with the baking, sewing, and cooking, but when I had planned to rest for a while afterwards my daughter and her family came back to stay for four days in the middle of which I fell and hurt myself slightly. Needless to say this is not the peaceful Christmas week I envisioned on the 24th when I surveyed the tree, neatly wrapped packages, and stacks of cookies.
My husband and sons feel like my daughter gets all my attention, my son in law feels like he can just sit quietly and read while we entertain his wife and toddler and provide three meals daily, and I feel caught in the middle of all their expectations, disappointing everyone including myself while my new books and yarns sit neglected under the tree.
I thought that once my mother died I would be free of trying to meet unrealistic expectations. Nope.
I have my regular New Year's party tomorrow for two other large families. It is easy because everything is store bought, no homemade pressures. My husband, however, is fuming at the expense and effort since he had to shop while I try to rest as much as possible. He is totally ruining the fun, even though I don't think he means to, we can afford it. He is just in a curmudgeonly mood because of our daughter's extended visit. Tomorrow is a holy day of obligation and he wants to fight about that.
I really didn't hurt myself all that badly but I can feel the muscles in my back tightening up after our last "discussion". I definitely think stress makes the pain much worse.
Everyone needs to vent sometime!

[Kitt]

Originally Posted by Tinaanne56

I used to love the holidays - but these days it is work, more work and then some. My neuropathy has been with me for 12 years and I am on oxy and lyrica and it controls it to a manageable level most of the times. But with the holidays brings the work and also the biggest part for me is my husband suffers with depression and it gets worse as he eats and eats the sugar. You would think after 38 years of marriage things would be on coast but honestly having this illness has made things so much worse. I was the strong one and did everything I could to "hold" him up during the bad times - but now I tend to need more of the holding then him - except this time of year - we are both a mess. I try to bring up some hope of change and I'm usually an optimistic person - but this time I'm really down myself. If he dealt with his depression it would be better, but it is always something else that is the problem - he often doesn't look at it as a medical condition (as most depressed people) it is this or that.
I guess I just needed to talk and maybe get a hug. Thanks for always being here whenever I need you guys - I'm not good at coming often but it is a comfort knowing you are here.

I do hope you all have a Happy New Year - and here is to hoping
Tina

Hope things get better for the both of you.

[Stacy2012]

Stress does make my pn worse.

I try to find ways to destress as much as possible. For me, that is to accept that everything does not have to be perfect. For a perfectionist...that is like spitting in the wind, but I am trying. Tonights party is way toned down...I didn't get all the decorations I wanted, it is not "perfect" and that is ok...so I am telling myself, lol. I have begun to focus on people around me and making them my focus and not the little things that I try to make perfect all the time. It helps destress. Like right now...I am resting my feet after setting up things...the old me...would never be sitting here resting..I would fuss until the moment guests arrive for that perfection. Nope. Now its about making sure my feet are ok when the people I love get here and less about decorations.

I'm sorry it is so stressful for you. I hope you can find ways to destress these times so they are good memories instead of bad ones.

Happy New Year!

[Dr. Smith]

Originally Posted by Tinaanne56

You would think after 38 years of marriage things would be on coast

Why? That's not only untrue—it's also not an impediment to happiness/success.

Doc

[Kitt]

Originally Posted by Stacy2012

Stress does make my pn worse.

I try to find ways to destress as much as possible. For me, that is to accept that everything does not have to be perfect. For a perfectionist...that is like spitting in the wind, but I am trying. Tonights party is way toned down...I didn't get all the decorations I wanted, it is not "perfect" and that is ok...so I am telling myself, lol. I have begun to focus on people around me and making them my focus and not the little things that I try to make perfect all the time. It helps destress. Like right now...I am resting my feet after setting up things...the old me...would never be sitting here resting..I would fuss until the moment guests arrive for that perfection. Nope. Now its about making sure my feet are ok when the people I love get here and less about decorations.

I'm sorry it is so stressful for you. I hope you can find ways to destress these times so they are good memories instead of bad ones.

Happy New Year!

My Mom and my Dad for that matter were perfectionists. However, in later years as CMT took it's toll on my Mom she had no choice in the matter. And neither do I. I have to do the best I can.

[ElaineD]

Hello, Tina,

I'm at year 51 in marriage. It hasn't gotten easier, just different over time.

However, YEARS ago, and I mean years (let's say 30) I started cutting back on Holiday work.

Anyone who invited us anywhere, I would go. Let someone else clean and shop and cook and make up beds. I'll bring money and great gifts (big bottles of everyone's favorite 'whatever', anything asked for), and I'll be a 'jolly guest'.

I stopped baking. Stores have the MOST amazing stuff! They keep it right there on the shelves just so we can buy it when we need it. Better than homemade.
And so many righteous angels make ;home made; that it will be available some where some time. WE all have too much to eat anyway.

I buy Christmas gift bags (from the big box stores and on line) and stick in the presents and some tissue paper. AND BRING THEM home afterwards. Put all the little bags in the biggest bag, fold up the tissue for the bottoms of bags in the future, and pull off the used tags. All I need is some new tags, and I'm ready next year.

This year I actually gave some MONEY to my 11 and 14 year old grandsons, they LOVED it. That and gift coupons for a super duper race track place they love. An experience, NOT more stuff.

Simplify. Buy it. Don't do it. Get it pre-made. The important thing is the people know you love them.

I have great sympathy for depression, Tina. I have had some treatments this year (IgG) on a weekly basis. And each week I had an immune reaction to the treatment. And with that came depression, like clockwork. Depression is really insidious because it seems like reality. Each week the depression finally lifted, Only to return with the next treatment!

Needless to say my Immunologist finally halted the treatments (after 11!!) and now I'm doing the same treatment, but only monthly, and with Prednisone to offset the reaction. So far so good, with one treatment.

I hope your husband is getting all the medical help and exercise and self care he can get. And I know that some times that isn't enough.

At least with PN, I know that it is happening TO me, and that it isn't ME. But with depression it really feels as if I AM LOST.

Hang in there, 2014 is gonna be a very good year for all of us!

Hugs, Elaine

[Stacy2012]

Well said Elaine.
I wish could say I have reached that point that you have, buying premade food, etc, but I know you are right. I'll get there someday.

Good advice.

[Kitt]

I still bake and do most all of the rest. So no problem there. And I do love to bake and cook as well. I cannot vacuum anymore (balance and back troubles) so my husband does that. Otherwise, I do most everything. And I will as long as I can.

When we are invited out to eat I love to bring a dish or two of homemade whatever it is I bring. Stores do have an amazing array of food that a person can buy. However, it is very nice for me to make my own and once in awhile buy something made at the store.

I am not a perfectionist but I do like things clean and decent.

[Stacy2012]

Kitt, I agree, home made food=way better.

I do understand that there are reasons to buy the store stuff but until I can't...I will keep baking and give on other areas. Like you, running my vacume KILLS ME. Even hubby noticed. I think my feet just get too hot or irritated walking on the carpet and it makes them flare. However, baking I can kick off shoes and be on hardwood floors and have no problem.

Baking over cleaning, yippeee!! lol