Well, I'll be the one to say I support you in ANY decisions you make around your horrendous situation. Despair is the natural and "correct" emotional response to such a situation. And I mean I support you and honor you in ANY decisions you make for yourself. I have given myself that gift also and it's brought some peace amid the fear, pain, and anguish of a disease that likely won't kill you but make you wish it would many many times. At least that's true for me.

And of course as you are among the living I wish for you relief of your suffering now. I wish there was something to offer you but IMO you seem to have done due diligence. Hell I have nothing to offer myself, outside of the tremendous psychological growth I'm experiencing right now. I can only liken it to my first LSD experience from 40+ years ago that "saved" me from the hell of an abusive childhood.

Much love to you brother from one who suffers to another. For what that's worth