ROFL:D :D

Good one Aussie!!

Aussie
 

I'm so glad i read this,honest that was so funny. And Dan that fear of
jail just might be a good thing. We do need more laughter,because
in 10 yrs. we might not know who we are and who we are e-mailing.
Mel can you see the fireworks from your house,the one's downtown I
mean. Hey Joe what about you. David i'm in so much break through
pain ,you could shoot the 10 thing to 120 and all it would do is light
me up. And of course my Neuro is on vacation. J a joint rasies
your anxity because Dan's son could burst in the door. Aussie or anybody
got any other.:D :D :D Sue

:Funny-Post: That was a good one! :p

LMAO!!! Yeah, Sue, that's it! More funnies you mean?

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your ****, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
****************

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for Lola and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh! I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse
with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story,particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

Sure made me laugh
 

Oh how funny! Thanks for sharing.:You-Rock:

:ROTFLMAO:

Clonodine (Catapres patches) were prescribed by my Neuro; Off Label use for this BP med --so if you try watch blood pressure--but did help w/ nerve pain. I had problem w/ them staying on but d/c when got hives.

also, "customized" compounds of various "nerve" meds --that can include Ketamine, Lidocane, Flexeril, Neurontin and more (or Less) Depends on what Dr writing Rx feels may be best for you. I used topical creme , applied to most painful or bothersome areas. Pro-- customized specially for you-dose can be adjusted, more [meds] can be added inc. morphine.
topical applications are absorded via skin, going directly to affected area & nerves, Not thru organs like liver, GI, etc.
Cons: most insurance does not cover cost; findind Dr who knows how to write Rx for compounds ( compounds can be topicals--gels, cremes, patches , or other formualtions-- like syrups or sublingual for those who have difficulty swallowing--these are PRO)
There is a website w/ DR offering some compounded topicals--not customized--but could be option. I think he'll provide the needed Rx?! but I don't know name or URL.

PRO-medical MJ-- don't want to get into issues, esp Legal, now. Sativex -made from cannabis is supposedly very good (tho many still prefer da herb) available in Canada but not USA. Marinol--synthetic --is available. usually prescribed for cancer patients & nausea, but if interested ask DR. a friend w/ horrendous nerve pain, neuropathies raves about it , and also

other "non-invasives-- like TENS unit. I stopped using mine when caused elctric zaps up & down spine.

There are more... but my neuropathies are abuzz & I'm fading....


Lots of great suggestions!! and STORYs--thanks....

There is a thread that discusses more in depth about pot use for PN pain relief. Is this the same thread or am I in a different one? Sorry bout that. I'm tired and not thinking very clearly.

A story
 

Two weeks ago, I saw that my neighbor had a black eye. I jokingly asked him if his wife finally got fed up with him. "No", he said, "I got this in church."

"In church?", I said. "That must've been something pretty bad. What happened?"

"Well," he said. "There was a very large woman sitting in the pew in front of ours. When she stood up, I noticed that her dress had slipped into the crack of her rear end. It drove me crazy. Finally, I couldn't look at that anymore, so when we stood, I reached over and removed the dress from between her cheeks. She yelled, 'How dare you!', and punched me hard in my face."

I did my best not to laugh, and expressed sympathy, and that I hoped he learned a lesson. He assured me that he'd never do that again.

Then, last Monday, my neighbor had another black eye. When I asked, he said, "The same lady sat in front of us, wearing the same dress. When she stood, the dress was back in the crack of her rear."

I said, "Geez! You knew what would happen, and you still couldn't resist pulling it out again!"

"Not at all!" he said. "What happened is that the guy next to me must have been as bothered as me. When we stood up, he pulled the dress out of her stupid crack."

"I knew she'd think it was me doing the same thing again. I didn't want to get another black eye, so I quickly stuffed the dress back in between her cheeks."

Thanks for the laugh everyone . I wish I had a good one to share, but enjoyed reading yours.

Medical Concerns? An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" "In fact, I do," said the man. "After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly." "This is very interesting," replied the doctor. "Let me do some research and get back to you." After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor than asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and cold and chilly after the second time.... "Do you know why?" "Oh that old buzzard!" she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December."