To everybody who posted these funny jokes, I never laughed so hard.

And I thought I was the funny one on these boards.

Very very good. Good way to start my day.

Oh, since Alan's wearing that oft-loading shoe, you should see his foot ulcer. Or should I say "you should not see his foot ulcer" because it is healed.

What an amazing shoe!

Just wanted to share.

Melody

P.S. Keep the jokes coming, they are very funny. Especially about the tissues between the breasts.
Reminds me of when I first had my son (true story). I had just had the baby and in 5 days, I lost 20 lbs. I had a body like Pamela Anderson Lee. And I had breasts like Dolly Parton. Since I never had breasts like Dolly Parton, I was amazed. And since I never had a baby before, what the hell did I know?
I thought this was what happens to your breasts when you give birth. You come out with breasts like Dolly Parton!!!! So Alan is about to visit me in the hospital, I'm in the hospital room, in the private bathroom, and I opened my gown, looked at my upper body. I scream out loud "Holy *****, look at these bazongas!!!".
Alan comes running in and goes "Oh my god, is that what happens when you have a baby?" I said "who cares, look at me, I have BAZONGAS!!!".
He then said: "and I quote "are they going to stay that way"??? I was so excited, I called in the nurse, who got hysterical and almost fell on the floor laughing, and said "no, they are full of milk, (I mean, you have no idea how big and round and well, DOLLY PARTON comes to mind).
Since I was not breast-feeding, she gave me these two plastic gloves that had frozen ice water in them and told me to put them on my breasts or I would be in pain. She was right and I did.

The breasts went bye bye. Alan was heartbroken.

lol

Melody

ROFLMAO!!! And the poor guy in church...If if had been me and that lady sat in front of me again, I'd have moved, pronto!

The part that gets me is the price we women have to pay for having temporarily had "Dolly Partons"....we end up with "Grannie Smiths". Sigh.