I know someone much like this. Only it's he. He weighs about 350 lbs. He already has trouble with sores and was taken to the ER for a heart attack. He was just diagnosed a little over a year ago. I worked with him and he lived up here where we're at but at the front of the building. He said the nutritionist told him he could eat anything he wanted. There were no off limit foods. Everything in moderation. I understand this but this guy was drinking 6 2 liter bottles of Coke a day. What is a normal meal for him it would take me at least two sittings to eat it all. He eats way too much junk food. Too much fast food. The guy is a walking time bomb. I don't know if it's denial or wanting the attention. "Pity me, I don't feel good, I'm diabetic". No I won't. You're doing it to yourself. This guy is only 38?

Your friend sounds like she needs to tell her husband to butt out. If she doesn't like her doctor because he's a male tell her to find a female. But warn her she will hear the same things. Ya know...you have to wonder sometimes if people like this don't have a suicide wish. They just don't have the - I don't know what it is...guts? - to just do it and get it over with. Have you ever asked her,straight out, "You do know that you're killing yourself?"

Hi Nide, I KNOW what you mean.

Yesterday I nearly fell twice.

A couple weeks ago I was so happy that this sharp, leg buckling pain I was having in my hip stopped. and then I fell twice.

But I am sooo lucky, the first time I landed in an iGourmet box I'd saved from my Christmas Brie because it was soooo cute. It was lined with styrofoam... so that was an easy lining. And the second time I was going through a doorway, so I was able to grab on and not descend with a bang.

I don't know. Cursed does enter my mind sometimes.

But I'm feeling better today.

Jarrett:

If I ever asked her that question, she would tear my throat out. A few years ago, (I've lived here for 15 years) and we neighbors sat outside every single night during the summer). So we all became friends also.

One day, her husband approached two of us and said "can you please talk to my wife, I'm very afraid of her weight, and the diabetes". Of course, we said "sure, but it's up to her, she has to make a conscience effort to do something", "no one can make a person do anything". He just stood there in silence. She had just gotten over a bout with a malignant polyp, had the hysterectomy (at Memorial Sloan Kettering), she was all clear, but she weighed over 300 lbs and was type 2 diabetic.

So we told the husband that under no circumstances should he tell her that he approached us. That she would never appreciate him going behind her back. He absolutely agreed. What did he do that night?

Well, she calls me up and starts yelling at me "how dare you tell my husband that I might die? How dare you talk to him about my diabetes. It's my diabetes, and it's none of his business. I never show him my meter. He doesn't know what my sugar reading is", blah blah blah. She really reamed me out. She was about 58 at the time. Her sugar was 250 and she was very uninformed about diabetes. She never went to an endocrinologist. She didn't even have a cardiologist and she has an arythmia.

So I politely said "no problem, we were only trying to help, but it is your body".

Then I got the call to go into Cornell Weill Medical Center's protocol (the ACCORD Program) to study Cardiovascular Disease in Diabetic Women. What a boost for me. I get the best examinations, the eye doctors at Cornell, all the testing stuff and all the meds. Even the blood pressure meds. I mean, can you top that. I went there with a sugar reading of 400 and my next appointment is on Friday. I believe I have two more years in the study but I've learned quite a bit about my health and I can manage just fine. My husband and I went to a nutritionist and we learned, and we FOLLOWED INSTRUCTIONS.

So when you are sitting around a group and you come out with "I know I can carry my weight, because I can walk", well, it does indeed give you pause.

She has no children. She does not work. She just cooks and watches the Food Network on tv. It is completely her business. She has been hospitalized for her blood pressure, she has pain in her belly. But, she knows her body, and it's her business.

Nothing I can do. It's like an addiction but this time the addiction is food. I know, because I was exactly in her place many years ago. But I learned, and I followed my doctor's advice. I don't want my neuropathy to get worse, so I do all I can do to eat a healthy diet. I once went up into her house and she was cooking 18 pork chops. I asked her "who's coming over for dinner"? She answered "oh, this is for me and Joe". Nuff said???

Melody

Well. I see your point. But I'm one of those people that if she kept complaining to me about not feeling good or whatever the issue was I'd tell her to put up or shut up. At that point I lose my sense of compassion. "Your doctor has told you, you know you're not feeling good, do the research....and then if you choose to ignore it that's fine. It's your life and your body. But *don't* expect me to feel sorry for you *or* listen to your whining."

I'm not intimidated by what people might say in response. *shrug* Maybe because by their continuing to whine and change nothing I see them as a child not an adult. I've never been intimidated by a child.

I *do* understand that this is something she'll have to figure out for herself or not, as the case may be. But at the same time I don't have to listen to it either.

That's what went on with the guy I was telling you about. He complains he's not feeling good. Have you checked you BS? No? What have you eaten today? Fast food? Ah well, hopefully they'll figure this all out.

I agree completely. I also did exactly what you are suggesting.

She has a pains in her toe. All I said was "is your toe numb, does it have shooting pain, is it tingling, or buzzing"?

She started yelling "The trouble with you is you think everybody has neuropathy, because Alan and you have neuropathy. Not everybody has neuropathy, you know". Her exact words.

I never brought up her toe again.

But I swear, if she does go to the doctor, and he says to her "you definitely have neuropathy". and if she starts crying to me "oh my, oh my, this can't be, what does he know, he's only a doctor, they are not gods". I swear, I'll bop her one.


lol Mel

It takes strength to get on "access a ride", and go to the city for treatment. It takes strength to diet and go to the gym. Mel your friend sounds like her own worst enemy. The abuse and neglect she is putting her body through is incomprehensable. Why someone of sound mind would do this to themselves is beyond me?

I know someone like this,(my father) he had a stroke. While in hospital for stroke he was sharing his room with a young bloake who had a broken leg. The young guy tells us that he thinks that my father stole his cigarettes, because he can't find them and the toilet stunk like smoke.

Here we are (his family), crying our eyes out, and I'm trying to figure out how we are going to pay for all of this, as he does not have private medical insurance, and he's hiding in the toilet smoking, half paralysed from stroke?? Now please answer me this "what the heck is he thinking"?

Another time about 10 years prior he was hospitalised for heart troubles. I honestly can't remember as there have been so many hospitalisations. Anyways I came to visit him, and he threatened me. He said if I didn't find him a pastrami sandwhich, and bring it back to him he was going to get out of bed and kill me. I said" I believe the doctor's think you had a small heart attack", do you think it's wise to eat fatty meats and cheese"? He told me to go get the sandwhich or I'll regret it. So there I was... 18 years old in a not so good area,walking alone at a night, looking for a pastrami sandwhich.

Very sad indeed. But this just goes to show you the extent of the denial and disillusion of some people. I wish the story had a happy ending but it doesn't because due to his resistance for change,his medical problems are immense, and sadly enough mostly self inflicted.

Hi Aussie:

I think that denial in one's condition, plays a very important part. And when one is addicted to something, it plays an even more important part.

My friend loves food. She LOVES FOOD. In her kitchen, on the left side OF THE WHOLE KITCHEN, where there are 8 cabinets, each and every cabinet has a spice. She collects them from Penzi Spices, from Emeril, from anybody who sells spices. Does she use all these spices? I have no idea. But she buys everything from QVC and never opens it up. She bought a Seal a Meal for $50.00 two years ago, and has yet to open the box. I know this is OCD. I truly believe that every obese person has OCD to some degree. Her house is inpecabble. She knows if her husband has been in the sock drawer because god forbid he turns a sock the wrong way, she knows it!!

Every morning, she strips the bed, vacuums the box spring, vacuums the mattress, turns the mattress around (and this is absolutely every morning). Now how a 300 plus person can do this every single morning, is beyond me but you can eat off her floor anywhere in the house, that's how clean she is. She knows everything about every onion that has been invented. If I need a question about a certain kind of onion, you know who I'm going to ask. She also will tell the neighbors, "melody thinks she can cook, HAH!!!". She did this last night. I looked at her and for the first time in my life, I told her off. Never thought I could be so bold, but if she can be bold, then I can be bold.

Oh, and this is hilarious. She will go to Pathmark Supermarket on Monday, another supermarket on Tuesday, and yet another Supermarket on Wednesday. On Thursday, she goes to the produce place, and on Fridays, she goes to the Italian Cold Cut place. She does this the same way, every single week. She laughs when we bring this up. Now me, take me to one supermarket, I'll do all my shopping, go home and do what I have to do. I cannot understand why anyone has to go to five different places in one week. It's a habit. Plain and simple.

This is OCD, I know this, but when a person can be so scrupulous in her house, why can't their brain say to them "listen, you are carrying around 300 plus pounds, You have a heart condition, you have diabeties, you have high blood pressure, you take 9 pills a day, well, you have to stop this".

I believe eating can become an addiction. I know, because it happened to me. Something clicked in my head (before I got the neuropathy). Now it should have clicked 20 plus years ago, but it didn't and I have only myself to blame. But at least I now do something and the bonus is I get to wear pretty skirts and blouses which I could never do when I was 30. I wore black and navy. And long tunic blouses. Do you know that this year was the first time I wore a pink blouse outside of my house? Alan says he has to get used to the new me. I HAVE TO GET USED TO THE NEW ME.

I believe that depression plays a big part in why people eat, drink or do drugs. It's self medicating. I used to live to eat. Now I eat to live.

It's as simple as that. Wasn't so simple when I was younger. I couldn't wait to get in front of the tv and wolf down those bags of chips and soda and ice cream. But now that I know where it goes in my body, well I just think a bit differently than I did before and that seems to do the trick.

And what the heck am I supposed to do if we are outside and another neighbor walks over and starts gushing "oh Melody, look at you, are you still losing weight?" and the other one starts rolling her eyes. I mean, it puts me in a very awkward position.

And her landlord, oh, wait until you hear what her landlord did to her.

We were all sitting on her porch (this was about 3 years ago). Some of the husbands were with us and we were just shooting the breeze. Her husband was sitting right next to her.

Her landlord comes around from the back of the house, looks at her and says (in front of everybody). "Do you know what you should do??? You should lose some weight, you'll look better, and you'll feel better".

I almost died. No one said a word. I looked at her and she just looked at him and said "yeah I know". As soon as he left and went back in, I said "the nerve of him". She said "oh, that bothers you??, that doesn't bother me".

I just looked at her. Believe me, if my landlord ever did that to me in public, that would send such a message to me, I can't begin to tell you. He was dead wrong. We all knew it, but he said it anyway.

So I guess she will eat herself to death and her husband will smoke himself to death. What a shame. Reminds me of a close friend of mine who is battling stage 3 lung cancer that has spread. First she got emphasema, then she got lung cancer. Now all she says is "why didn't I listen when people told me to stop smoking'.

It's all addictions. Some can beat them, some can't. It's very hard.

Now enough with all this gloom and doom. We have to start livening things up. Me?? I think I'll learn another language. lol

Melody

Please, protect your hands before you do bop her.

me and her!!! lol

Roflmao!!!!