I am just happy that you were able to "bail"...that is tough!!!!

SC, at my worst I was drinking about a bottle of brandy a day. When I accepted that I needed professional help and checked in to a private psychiatric hospital to take the first steps in dealing with my alcohol abuse and clinical depression the boss psychiatrist there was very blunt (he is still my psychiatrist - I see him about twice a year for a brief "How is it going?" chat).

He said something along the lines of "Listen carefully Kiwi. You are a gifted scientist. You know what alcohol is doing to your brain. You are committing slow suicide. I can't save you but I can support you."

That was just what I needed to hear. Now, about ten years on, my brain is working well again and I feel far more healthy.

My PN is now stable apart from (as I mentioned above) flares in hot and humid weather.

Well done on the bailing, but this part is also important: never forget that what is so important to us we are thinking about it almost 24/7 - addiction, alcohol, PN, how to get better - is completely alien to many of your friends. Very few people understand "addiction", and won't give it a second thought. Your friends most probably have all forgotten about it by now, today. So the most important person there is you, and your actions are what counts. And you did the right thing.

_______________________________________________

On a personal note, I'm most probably (99%) joining a (currently regional) non-profit organization that tries to facilitate helping addicts find ... help. I have my first meeting tonight, and it seems I "hit the jackpot", as their goals are extremely close to what I believe needs to happen: a genuine collaboration between all the addiction groups (AA, Al Anon, CBT, rehabs, detox facilities, self help groups, there is a myriad of them), "stabilized addicts" (who have the T-shirt...), government (local and national), the mental health world, and the medical world - all on an equal footing. In short it's a platform that will ensure a constant and serious communication between all those players, and ideally will become the first point of call for people (addicts as well as family/friends/employers etc) who are looking for help.

I am super excited, and it seems mutual. I have been reading up on all the material (this project started 6 years ago and is finally ready to actually get going next month, the initial hurdles were gruesome, as everyone of course was 100% convinced their was way the only way...), and I will now meet the players (or at least most of them, about 40 in total (!) for the first time (although I already exchanged about 20 emails with some of them, all very welcoming and enthusiastic.). There are doctors, neurologists, people from local government, mental health, the military (!), hospitals, youth protection, AA/NA people, people from the media/TV (who want to produce a series about helping addicts...), lawyers, etc. I can see this getting quite big, as it's unique, and our government already knows about it and would like to see it grow as a state wide initiative (and even set an international example... ahem), as it totally fits their political goals.

It's all non-profit for now, but there's a real possibility - if I fit in - that it could lead to a real job within that org. But that is not my main goal: which is to do something useful, and "pay it forward"/prevent people hitting the same walls I hit when I was searching desperately for help.

Due to my qualifications (humble brag ), they already have some big plans for me (board of directors... ugh... ), but if I learned one thing from my crash/addiction, it's to "take it easy". That will be my mantra before anything else. I can't help people if I crash myself again (!).

All it took was to look up a few pages on the internet, and place 1 (one) phone call, to get the ball rolling... Out of the thousands of people I could have called, I stumbled upon the guy - a 65 year old recovered alcoholic - who set the whole thing in motion and is still leading the effort. What are the odds? We hit it off from the first minute, and could almost finish each other's sentences...

Worst case scenario: I don't feel at home there, but in that case will have made direct contact with 40 people in the area who are voluntarily or professionally working to help addicts - and are all looking for volunteers. It's a win/win really.

Pretty excited...

To be continued...

Kiwi, that all sounds so exciting. Nothing like having a purpose in life.
Kiwi, so did your PN improve or just stabilize during sobriety?

That sounds great Wide-O; I hope that it works out well for you .

SecondChances, I drank heavily for a couple of years and my PN got worse during that time. Now that I have stopped there has been some improvement, which I am happy about.

There is so many good things going on with your lives here. Hopefully soon I will follow.

Wide-O,
In my 12/17 post to SC, I mentioned my daughter, a recovering cocaine addict, who in the past few years she has gotten Certification in Recovery Support Specialist for Mental and Substance Abuse as well as Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor. She owes so much to AA and still maintains going to meetings regularly.

She is also working with the police departments in one of the suburbs. It is a program the Police Department is working with in an effort to spread to other communities.

Wide-O; their program is similar to what you are planning to get involved in. It is a most worthy cause. Mostly because you yourself have been there. You know how to "talk the talk" and "walk the walk"...

Wishing you all the best.

Thanks Ger! And yes, I do remember. What's even funnier in a way is that I have been thinking - while working with these people- "why don't we also seek contact with police departments?" only 2 days ago. It's on my to do list to bring it up, but as a newcomer I have to move slowly...

Things are moving very quickly anyway, and my agenda is filling up nicely. It seems I found a near perfect match for what I wanted to do... I just need to remember to go steady but slowly.

It sounds very similar indeed, and our project is about exactly that: give a voice to those who "have the T-shirt", on equal footing with the professionals who are involved, and bring them into contact with active addicts as soon as possible, to lower the threshold for them to seek or consider treatment. (but also inform their families of the possibilities, programs etc. without pushing one or the other form of treatment). The main message is: "It's possible to get sober, and to get happier again. We have been there & done it. You can do that too." It's one thing to hear that from a doctor or a psychiatrist etc. It's another thing all together when you hear it from people who once sat where you are sitting now, who know the misery, the fear, the desperation..

I am also keeping the possibility to actually get a degree/certification during all this in the back of my mind.

That sounds great Wide-O .

If your wisdom IRL is even half as good as that which you share here I am sure that you will do a superb job.

first time poster in this thread. i have cidp. twas moving along slowly for about a decade until last year at this time, i met a girl and we drank up a storm for 3 months, a bottle of wine each per night, sometimes more. suddenly my symptoms got worse. more numbing of my feet and calves and extreme muscle atrophy in calves, which now have very little muscle at all.

at that point, i started taking antabuse, which worked very well until i broke up with the girl this past christmas. i went off the antabuse and back on the booze. everything is getting worse.

until the beginning of winter, i could stand and balance on a stand up paddle board. three months ago, that ability went away, so i bought a sit-on-top kayak and that went well for five sessions, then i found i could not balance on that even sitting down.

a year ago, i did not need a cane. i do now. a year ago, i could walk w/out my legs giving way. happens semi frequently now.

i'm drinking about a bottle of vino a day now (except when i go on a stupid fireball binge) and every morning i feel a tiny bit more numbness creeping around. i am planning to try to quit on sunday. antabuse.

one problem is have is saying to myself, you're done for with a wheelchair in your future so give up and keep on drinking, cause why the hell not at this stage?
so, that's my story.

should i read all of part 1? are there any very important posts that i should try to find or that someone could post a link to?

thanks.