Interesting. When I was about a month shy of a year sober, I started smoking because I was starting to feel a little wonky. I smoked for a little over a month. During that time, my feet didn't hurt more but they did have less motion and were harder to stretch out. They were more twitchy

It's been two weeks now with no smoking and I'm not sure they feel a lot better but feel more like they did before I smoked. BTW during that time I tried drinking one day: first off, it didn't help my nerve pain at all — and I swear it used to help when I was drinking. I considered it a dangerous experiment but I haven't been tempted to drink again at all.

So, if anyone is considering controlled drinking: I don't think it hides the pain like it used to (I guess that was just part of the fog of being drunk) and remember it is still poison.

Thanks for continuing this thread! It's been a real help to me

Wide-O, your wife is doing amazing well being down to 4 smokes. You deserve much of the credit too by encouraging and supporting her. Good job!
Yes, I remember you telling the story about your counselor talking about those who struggled so with their alcoholism only to win that battle but to have the smokes take them out. It is a powerful story. I am cutting down but don't want to get too uncomfortable since I still struggle with my sobriety and that must remain my first priority. I have been vaping a bit and that may just be the tool to go from my ten cigs to zero. It is helpful but not nearly as satisfying.

It depends on the device you use. Seriously.

And darned: I did miss to note a milestone: 100,000 cigs not smoked 3 days ago. I wasn't paying attention. 100K Whoops!

Wide-O, I see you edited your post so I deleted mine in reference to. Congrats on your smoke free days and cheers to your good health. You have done amazing things during your recovery. Who says people can't change. You are an inspiration!

Yeah, sorry about the edit. And thanks.

In the last 2 hours or so, for the first time in over 5 years, I have read the notes I made while I was in rehab. It is... so weird. How much you forget over the years, and how fast it comes back with just a few written words.

Things I had completely forgotten, like suffering from pneumonia for a good part of my stay there. Or how they searched my car and found a pill - which was a forbidden painkiller, but luckily, they saw the expiry date (it was in there from a holiday trip 6 years earlier, fell under the mat in the boot/trunk). Punishment would have been having to stay in without visits for 10 more days...

The rules, the people, the feels, the fear, it all came back like in a movie.

Frightening, confronting, I don't have the words to describe how much effect just reading those scribbles had. I'm shaking a bit.

I now wonder if I shouldn't keep a diary as a rule. You forget so much - bad things especially it seems - when you don't write them down. Just a few key words is enough to paint the picture.

(but to be fair, there are some words with exclamation marks that give me no clue what so ever. )

Many notes about the neuropathy too, about other stuff that went wrong with my body. Oh, and my dad officially died from pneumonia when he was in treatment for his alcoholism, so, you can imagine how that effected me at the time. I had completely blanked that out of my current memory. But I was literally scared to death.

All the people who started with me, the ones that didn't make it, the coming and going of new people. I kept notes on everyone, on when they either relapsed or disappeared (or died).

What a trip... I'm glad I waited this long to go over them.

My daughter has my notes from Rehab stay #1....I have still not seen them. Maybe someday...

Wide-O, I have kept all of my written notes and the handouts which I got when I spent a month in a psychiatric hospital, taking the first steps in dealing with my alcohol abuse and clinical depression. I look at them regularly.

I also keep a daily mood diary. It is an encrypted Word file on this laptop - to get access to it another person would need to know a very strong (15 character) password.

This works for me - maybe it is something that you could consider?

I too kept everything but have not looked at it since rehab. We had to write a farewell letter or a good riddance letter to our addiction. I found that 6 months ago mixed in with some random papers. I now keep that handy and read it when I struggle. I have wanted to toss all the personal intimate worksheets, and journals and that huge box just takes up space. If I die unexpectedly I fear my family will read and I have NEVER opened that box in over 20 years but still I can't bring myself to dispose of it. I honestly have no idea why.

My neuropathy had been somewhat better and I was very encouraged but yesterday and today it took a turn backwards. Yesterday I was very discouraged and sad but today I am more accepting. Wide-O, are you up to sharing your early neuropathy struggles that were remembered thru your rehab notes?

Any idea what caused this?