Hello all. Well it has been brought up to me that I'm not "coping" very well with life,choices,pain,and my moods. I will be the first to say I agree. This is not just now but in the past. I'm 29 and up till last year was deep in an eating disorder which is a huge flag of not coping. I ran from life and never commited to things. I stopped and started school,jobs,hobbies,etc. Now with the severe pain and unknown still of other dx I sit in fear and anxiety. I never know what to do and my moods are so manic. I'm frustrated with my docs just shoving me to the next or never calling back. The lack of adequate pain control and how my body doesn't respond to meds. Before this I had been on a dozen different anti depressents without any help. Now with my pain level I can never decide on docs,treatment,my outlook is negative,and I sit in anxiety with the fear of it going back to the way it was. I tried the move to ca and am not sure cause I feel so lonely and scared and mean being away from my mom. I also don't know how the weather truly effects because my syptoms are so up and down. I do feel though my pain is higher when rains and cold days my feet loose circulation.With more of an ache.Even in the morning here when cooler I feel less good but I don't know if is truly cause of the cool. I think staying in all winter would not be good too but being lonely is hard. I just wonder how others deal with the fear,anxieties,depression. I have been in therapy 12 years and still suck at the coping. I will say I am pushing more and up to 15 minute walks. Woo Hoo and can even go through big stores like Target A far cry from the 23 hours of bed time but my pain is still high and the fear of it going back is super high.Thank you and to all you guys who fight for so long your so strong in my eyes. Your my role models. I see all your faces on my painful walks.

Daniella,
I'm so very proud of what you have done so far. Just the move was mind boggling to me. I can't even imagine moving in such pain. The winter will probably be easier on you in the sunshine state. Dark lonely winters are a killer as far as depression.

I hope you are able to find a group who you can share some interests with. Maybe a support group or even a coffee group. Book Review clubs are good places to occupy your time too.

Keep it up, you have such courage.

Billye

Hi Daniella:

Kudos to you for having the guts to make a change.
Depression sucks big time And what you have is depression, be keenly aware of this. That's why you've had the eating disorder.

So take your meds, go for as many walks as you can, breathe in the fresh air, and hopefully, as you get oxygen to your cells, you will move your body and everything will start to be in sync.

I only wish my late friend (who died last week), had taken the steps you have taken.

I wish you well.

You will achieve your goals. I have faith in you. Change is very hard. We are creatures of habit and habits are extremely hard to change.

YOu can do it!!!

Melody

The first time I was able to walk thru a target store w/o the electric cart was well, better than a pony under the X-mas tree! That you can do it..and get it all done well THAT is a LOT of progress! Go for it good person..keep it up and you will get better..tho sloly and surely but YOU WILL GET there! - j

Daniella, normal walking can be really hard with this PN thing, i used to avoid it as much as i could when PN struck, but i use to love walking before so i thought of just going around to my local pool [all weather pool] and just walk up and down the lanes at your own pace, plenty people do it for all sorts of med problems, i found it best to get there real early in the morning before the swimmers come though, great cardio excercise, good for blood circulation and its non weight bearing so your feet shouldn't hurt you like walking on normal hard surfaces, i made some friends there, the social thing is an extra benefit as well.
I wish you well too
Brian

Thank you all. You cheered me up. Change I hate that is true. I think though for so long my life sucked cause I looked for the easy way out and with the pain there is no easy way out.The move was a hard and I feel I still have the aftermath. I felt like I was back at the torture of the cleveland pain clinic program. You have to keep going to docs,tests,and treatments. I think I have so much fear like probably many of you. I have a hard time staying in the moment. I think when I get more pain control and I am going to see another pain doc cause the one I saw here was I felt not good so onto the other. I do have a reumo apt cause my other leg is getting so bad and my other weird out of it symptoms. I'm going to ask this pain doc for an order for pool therapy as well. I agree I need to get into more social. I feel in a way ashamed of my pain and what it has done to me. I have more friends in Ca then home but only a little have I reached out but I think its time for more. I'm going to meet with my old therapist from here next week and set up some support. I just need to get my pain better managed so I can do more. I want to be young again with "stupid" worries that seem big. If that makes sense. Thank you and your all amazing