Its fall – I know that because watching CBS Sunday Morning today they showed the beautiful hillsides back East of changing leaves, and the weather here in Southern California is finally getting cooler at night, and the smog is lifting.

For all – I want to say appreciate every minute of this season – the cool fresh air – the beautiful scenery – people starting to make holiday plans…

I haven’t posted hardly at all lately – seems like I’m fighting battle after ridiculous battle with disability (which cost me my doctors) – and the state government which just arbitrarily decided I was an “indigent adult” who was too lazy too work this past week and while I receive no cash from them – do get help with premiums on Medicare. It took days to get this remedied, and again so much wasted emotional energy.

The real issues – health – have to be put aside while dealing with all this other nonsense…. I can no longer even get out of bed due to severe back pain without having taken Tylenol every couple hours all night long – and then the day is spent fighting it. Going to a doc appt., even though I’m in a wheelchair when I go out ‘cause of balance and inability to walk even short distances with assistance without falling over, is becoming an activity I dread due to the days it takes for the pain to let up.

I’ve completely given up on my gut – seven years now on Ensure (with an occasional cheese stick) and its out of the realm of my current GI docs (the motility doc who originally diagnosed my gastroparesis has moved out of state). And a few of you know – I got a anchor tooth for a partial knocked out during a procedure in the hospital about two months ago (tooth loss there originally caused by a header out of the shower a year ago) – five dentist appts later and still trying to see if they can save the anchor teeth to reattach… in the interim the pain from remaining teeth is brutal (grind all night and there is nothing they can do to fix that – to say nothing about how awful it looks)… all I can say is it’s a good thing I already live on liquids!

I need to find new docs – I need to move in 3 months, etc. – and all I want to do is sit on a hillside and look at beautiful scenery…. If all these medical hurdles are met, and the financial – maybe at some point I will be able to again… but for those of you who can – do it - please!!! Life is too short… Eat with gusto! Who cares about a few pounds. Enjoy the beautiful scenery; fight the mobs at the malls! Life is a struggle for each of us I know – I’m happy right now I still have a roof over my head – but it sure would be great to forget about all of this, just for a while, and do nothing but enjoy the beauty of nature and forget about all the pain, suffering, ridiculous governments, regs. Etc…. and feel “normal” – just for a few hours!

To all – a good fall (and I dont mean that literally) – in spite of our personal issues – and hoping we can all share bits of strength to be able to tackle this all and find enjoyment and beauty in the season…

Well God bless you for being able to appreciate the cooler weather, beautiful scenery, and the blessings that you do have while in the midst of all your problems. I was feeling sorry for myself until I read your post. It made me adjust my attitude.

my blessings one more time.

It sounds like you are between a lot of different rocks and hard places...

Is there any person on these boards who is near you that could help in some small ways? Even phone calls talking to people other than docs can help brighten a day for sure.

All we can do is try to keep faith and hope that things can possibly get better! We have to do that at the very least! - j