trolls...and how to handle them:
 

I was going to post this privately to rfinney. But I have decided to put it here
after all.
The internet contains a type of posting, that is designed to provoke reactions.
The best handling of this concept, I found at The Curezone, so I'll link to it here: http://curezone.com/forums/troll.asp
This is really the best discussion I have found on the net for this subject. And because CureZone is an alternative site, it is frequently attacked by trolling behaviors.

The suggestion for the net is to IGNORE posts/posters who inflame or provoke.
The behaviors that rfinney found confusing and which angered him, was the ignoring of the anti-semitic remark. In person, you may choose to confront someone who is behaving this way (if they don't look like they will attack you or have a weapon), but on the net, ignoring is the only way to not feed the troll. The troll wants a payoff, wants to see some kind of action. One must resist giving that payoff back. We can't see people here, hear their voices, we don't have a foundation at all about them really..they can even post pictures that are untrue. Basically on the net when people throw out comments like the antisemitic remark, it just leads to a flame war because it is very easy to type a response, something you may not do in person. Add on top of that people who are struggling with illness, pain, drug side effects, job insecurity, death, etc...and you have a low flash point.

So I recall this incident, and yes, I did not respond to it and waited for the moderators to take care of it. That is what they are here for.

So out of respect for this board, and others here, I don't respond. I do report to moderators, however.

rfinney, you are a respectful person. So it is hard to endure disrespect. But on the net, one has to weigh the total effect against the response. There will always be provocative people on the net, always.

I think the strength of this forum and others here at NT is built on diversity.
I don't enter into every thread either. Sometimes I have nothing to offer, or it is going well anyway, etc. Sometimes I miss something..overlook it. Alot of times I get no answers or response too. In fact, this board and the Vitamin one are the most responsive I have seen, for myself! I just got a PM about this phenomenon this week, from someone else! Sometimes a post is so good, and to the point, no response is really necessary. Sometimes people are just reading and thinking about it...they may think about it for days, weeks, months before it clicks for them! People have their own style.

So I am saddened every time I read posts like this---"I am leaving".
If you have to stop posting here, rfinney, then that is what you need to do.
Sometimes however, it is just a break from the internet which is needed. This I understand alot myself. So I hope it is only the "break" or vacation that is needed, and that we will see you still in the future.

Don't go Finney
 

I for one will be very sad to see you go. You are one of the people I look to for sanity when I seem to be losing all. There are people here that make up the ground home base of this forum and they are the ones that all of us with no real knowledge look to for help in time of need. I know when we were looking for the laptop to buy, I printed every word of your responses and advice and they were weighed carefully. They were not discarded as having no meaning. We did consider your word as an authority along with the help of others. But in the end, my husband who is a systems engineer, made the decision. I hope nothing I did contributed to you leaving. I sometimes answer before I really think and my mouth is the same way. I do so very much apologize if it is some of the problem. I really wish you would stay. You are family. But I will understand if you need to get away for awhile.
Best wishes and less pain,
Billye

I'm sorry you feel the need to leave, and hope that it
really is only a 'break' that you need.
As I am clueless to the problem posts mentioned,
I cannot respond to that- but I am sensitive
to anti-semitic remarks and feel that
they have no place.... anywhere.
I hope you will continue to 'lurk' and feel that
you can continue to post here.
I've been informed immensely over the years, by your expertise, knowledge and contributions- to us, who at one time, were 'newbies' & floundering in the sea of ignorance and mis-information about PN.
I'll be sorry to see you leave, but wish you well - and to be pain free.

Rafi,

I too will miss your intelligent, valuable contributions... and have to agreee with you - I dont feel this particiular forum is following its orginal purpose - to help those with PN - to inform new members - to talk about current issues, etc regarding medical care, treatments so on.... I've been a member of this group a long time too - and of course, certain members are known for certain knowledge.... what I've seen much of lately is that people cannot stand to be disagreed with, but will attack, be it on site or by snub - its destructive, misleading to new members, and keeps those who have valuable information to contribute from doing just that. We seem perhaps to be forgetting the purpose of a fourm - for all to contribute and have opinions (and no- they should not be derogatory of course towards any group etc.)

I dont think there is a bias towards women - I think we just talk more!

You are a valuable member, and I always looked forward to your posts... and will miss you..... this little "community" however seems to be getting smaller, at times unfeeling, and we are all suffering because of it, maybe I'm being optimistic that it will change again, most of our members are wonderful people and enjoy helping others, and new members I can only hope are earning as much as they can from others.... please take care - you are a special person.

As I read these responses,
 

I feel so blind. I tend to read everything, but I don't respond to the posts if I don't feel I have something to offer. I have to admit that I did not see the post Mrs. D and Finney are referring too. Nor do I see in this forum what Kmeb has referred to. I wonder how many of us are guilty of not seeing? Do we overlook it because it isn't something we can help or because we are afraid to face it. I never feel (when I examine myself) unfeeling, but sometimes I don't know what to say. I know in Karen's case, I simply had no answers. It wasn't that I didn't care. I personally love this little community we have. I think it is a careing group of people overall. There have been the rare posters that rubbed me a little, but they didn't stay. And some of us are so absorbed with our own health problems that maybe we don't sometimes see others. I probably have been guilty of that. I do so apologize for it if I've failed to respond when I should have.

Finney and Kmeb and any others, I hope I am not guilty of failing to see and respond. I will try to keep my eyes open and be more responsive. I really do care.

Billye

This is the problem with a thread like this. Everyone wonders if the person or persons are referring to them. If i caused anyone any consternation i apologize. No one has been rude to me and when they answer are helpful and encouraging. Between this and braintalk forums ive been posting for 4 years and many times i just feel that i dont fit in. I guess i ll have to find a dumbed down board (joking). What Rfinney wrote struck a chord with me and i wanted to tell him that he is not alone in feeling so.

attacks...????
 

I do see some strange humor at times here. But really compared to other places on the internet in the 10 yrs I have been doing this, this board has been
totally tame and considerate.

And I am still not going to put my picture up! So there!
I'd hate to think people are secretly sitting at their monitors and STEWING!

But when you are not feeling well, it's not hard to stew now and then, I guess:o

edit to add... you know last spring I was severely depressed with SAD...and it took several weeks to
get myself back. I must have missed more than I thought.

I would miss you. :( You have been generous with your support and expertise. I imagine that the five-years includes a portion of time on the board that crashed and resulted in this spin-off.

I have posted questions in recent years that have been ignored. This after many years of providing support to others (and gleaning a lot of great information for myself and dear ones in the process). When ignored, it hurt for a second, and then I reminded myself that no one had an answer or knew how to respond.

But these are things you already know. Just wanted to let you know I have appreciated you and hope not to lose touch with you.

rose

Hi Rafi:

I sent you a pm and you responded. Thanks much.

You take care of yourself and hopefully, you can re-join.

We need your wisdom and knowledge.

Take care,

Melody

........ well now
 

This tread caused me to FINALLY sign up here. I was on Brian Talk until it stopped working and some came here. I never signed up here but do read the forums.

I realize this is not dead on topic (to the original post) but - it will apply to some parts of the original post.

I have no beefs with anyone but ......

I jabber my face off on some forums that are not health related. I know a heck of a lot about some things but not medical related - other than just pure logic. If anything I am very logical.

I would like to give some of you ... long time posters a few observations from a guy that lost interest in trying to be very active here.

SOME (I did not say all) people ***may*** have some of the same thoughts.

- talking over our heads
- sometimes it seems talking over our heads is on purpose
- sometimes it seems to have a hidden meaning (shut up you know nothing - go away and come back after you have memorized all the medical terms)
- being short and sometimes dismissive to newbies.

I’ve had PN for 3.5 years. If I want someone talking over my head (on purpose) - I can go to the Dr. When a Dr is talking over my head on purpose or dismissive - it is a turn off and in no way impressive.

Using initials is fine for other more learned people (aka the few in the circle) but some of us not so up on the terms ...... it goes right over our heads.

I personally could care less if I am in or out of some circle on some internet forum.

Forums that are into “the few in the group” usually end up getting what they seem to be after. A smaller and smaller group.

It was mentioned in the original post (see I could have said in the OP but some would not have known what that meant) that .....

A newbie ask a question and it gets 2 or three replies. A regular (circle member) says something and it gets three pages of replies - YES YES YES ..... I see that over and over and over here.

AND ........... often one or two of the replies the newbie get is full of .....

- go to the Dr
- or has initials - leaving the newbie feeling stOOpid and often reeks with > “come back when you learn how to ask the right questions”.

While I admit - I don’t devote the time to all the medical jargon - I have followed both Brian Talk and this forum for about three years now. I have not posted on this forum for all the above reasons and the fact that ........

From all the reading I have done. From what I gathered from the testing that I did have. From what the neuro said - if there is no apparent cause of my PN ........ too bad.

I have no insurance and can not afford to chase an answer.

No one ask but - my bottom line (on the parts that caused me to say something) here is what I think. If anyone is really interested in not discouraging new members .......

- don’t talk over their heads and if you do - try to make sure they don’t think you did it on purpose.
- remember some of us don’t care about being in or out of some - group of accepted or not accepted but we do care about our PN and the PN of others - and get turned off by the perceived “grouping” real or imagined.

I personally never will be some kind of “expert” on anything medical related. I know tons about Apple computers - heavy users of them since 1981. Due to hundreds and hundreds of hours of personal development over the last 15 months - I can help people with things I have learned about self-confidence - self-esteem - motivation (I am listening to The Power Of Now - Eckhart Tolle right now) but .................. not medical. I have PN and it just seems ......... it is what it is.

Dang - I even bored myself with that post lol.