My kids are all quite grown with the exception of one DD child we adopted who is in her teens but really more like 6. NONE of my older kids want gifts. One asked to help her with money to come see us, but she lives 1,000 miles away and is in grad school...that is what she wants. My oldest makes more money than my hubby, and she says she needs nothing. My son is getting married and we are contributing to his wedding and he wants 'nothing' and my youngest son, he needs money, but he 'hates holidays' and gets depressed and says it is all about consumerism now a days. He says it isn't like the old days.

We used to have a magical Christmas Eve, but this year we have to change it to accomodate the plans of new in-laws and that is life, as families blend, we need to do that.

In the 'old days' even in-laws all lived nearby....

On the other hand, I was reading some history books, and realized that when our ancestors got on the boat to come to the US....they never, ever saw their family left behind again!!! As settlers went west, they too, often buried loved ones in unmarked graves on the prairie.

Difficulty has always been with us, as has lonlieness, as has compassion, as has greed.

I agree, that greed, or the advertising industry has made it seem like, we all 'need a house in Palm Beach, a villa in St. Barts etc" or that we should see a Lexus parked in the driveway as a surprise. Give me a break!!!

I know my mother and father's generation stayed in the same city and I grew up surrounded by cousins that felt more like sisters and brothers.

My generation moved more around the state and the general area, hard enough to get together in the large, humongous groups we had a kid.

My kids have gone all over the darn country and think the airlines are like jumping in the car for a drive...except it costs more and takes more time....I think they are seeing it isn't as easy as they expected it to be. These kids will do pretty much anything to make sure we are included, so I thank my lucky stars. But life is tough.

One child, my son, seems to not want to leave the area, to stay close to us and to his new in-laws, so his kids have the benefit of a grandpa and grandma. He is like a clone of my husband and his bride to be, very much like me! And I worry what we have left behind for them. They have such good values and live in such a messed up world....but they warm my heart.

I would say things changed about 12-15 years ago....

I grew up in a typical post war neighborhood where you could hear the kids getting yelled at and the family fights!! That was just normal....I can't imagine that happening in our perfect subdivisions now. I was whacked by a nun a few times....and I do not think I am worse off for it. When I watch that movie about the kid who wants the BB gun....that was how I grew up And remember when Savings and Loans were like on a Wonderful Life??

Life has changed, and honestly, I sound like my mom and grandma too much...they said the same thing. We have made a technological leap now though, unprecedented in times before....it seems to have changed how people relate, me included.

I need to get and give more hugs and not just during the holidays. So to those whom I can not reach out and touch, this is for you.

Oh and 'ET'---phone home.

When my children were young ,in the summer if they said they were
bored it was volunteer time. Usually it was nursing homes..The worked
with the solical worker,make beds,help take them on the bus,with our
permission...They got lot's of hugs and they learned to be gentle,and
what great stories the elderly can tell..I also thinks children feel good
about themself when they give,it works both ways...

Mel my son's best freind just move to Brooklyn with his girlfriend a dancer.
He loves it there which surprised and thrilled us. Anyway I showed Ryan
my son your's and Alan's pictures and your Video...Well when they get
a chance to go visit his friend,he would like to know if you and Alan
would consider going out to dinner with them all. Tailan is shy but very kind
his girlfriend is sweet ,funny and a beautiful dancer,then Ryan and Dr.
Amy..I don't even know when,but I would let you know way ahead of time.
Tailan parents passed away,his 3 sisters and then his twin brother,so
friends have been his family. Thought I would bring this up befor I
forgot. Don't have to but I think you and Alan would like them,I'll
PM you next time.

Sue:

How sweet of you. But I know Alan. He doesn't socialize. It took him 25 years to pick up the phone to speak to his sister (it was like pulling teeth). He is not a sociable person. You would never know this from watching the video. But I believe my husband has Aspergers Disorder. Too many signs. And my son has been diagnosed also. My husband could sit all day long and watch tv or go on the computer.

I was never encouraged to have company in the early years of my marriage because we both worked and well, that's the way he liked it. I did most of my socializing at my friend's homes.

I can count on my hands the number of times I've had company to my house (I've lived in this part of Brooklyn for 15 years).

Now growing up, my mother and father had 10 brothers and sisters so we always had company.

But Alan is a different sort. He prefers his solitude. That what's makes us so compatible. Can you imagine if we were both like that?? I can't.

I'm lucky he likes to go to the neuropathy support group once a month. And we used to go to Tough Love meetings when our son was 12. Then it was Gamanon meetings when he moved out and we found out he was a gambler. Then it was Aspergers Support Groups when our son was diagnosed with Aspergers.

It seems that all we do is go to support group meetings. Hey, it's better than nothing.

I do thank you Sue for thinking of me. Tomorrow Alan goes to see the Orthopedic surgeon (his first visit). He gets up at 5:30 to be there at 8 a.m. And no, I'm not going with him. I don't get up at 5:30 a.m. for ANYONE.

Not anymore. I like my sleep.

So Sue, you are a sweetie. I'm glad others enjoyed my video. I do like to laugh, now don't I??

Melody

Empathy? Neighbors like the old days? Not in this neighborhood.

We have lived here 30 years now, and know only a few neighbors on the face of two blocks, which contain nearly 60 houses... Kind of surprising, considering the houses are built so close together, my neighbor and I joke about sharing each other's living room and master bedroom...

We were discussing this in a Sociology class once and the professor attributed the changes to 3 things (at least in this area)-rear entry garages, central air conditioning and 6 or 8 foot high wood fences in the back... The only times people might see one another could be when they go out front in their pajamas to get the early morning paper or their mail... People just stay to themselves, especially if they work and come home dead tired...

I get more friendly interaction with Neurotalk members than I do with neighbors I have lived by or near for years...

New neighbors moved in next door and I thought, oh boy, a nice woman to visit with... Ha! She walks to her mailbox, looking neither right, nor left, just straight ahead... I thought I might squirt her with my hose one of these days to see if she will talk to me then... Bets on that???

No, "Hi, how are you, how did your surgery go? How is your dog doing? Are you still alive over there?" No, we are not alive, we all died last week. Jeez...

Cathie

That's ok Mel we were worried about Tailan anyway,he has a few very
good friends but he had a very hard life ,he sounds a bit like Alan.
My kids grew up with a open door policy,tons of kids. My Dad believe
no other Children in our house..My mom had a laugh like yours,and my kids
friends loved her. And she thouught it was fun stepping over alll these kids
even when they got to br teenagers...

I have been reading about your son's problem,why I have never heard of it.
untiil lately..What I don't understand is why would your son try to convicnce
you are anyone at 20 he was going to commit suicide,so he could get a square meal a snack and bed..Why would he go to that length for that,
are was he not at home..I'm being sincere,I don't understand is there
a book you could recommed..I think you said you haven't seen him in 5
years, I know you love him,that's why I'm so interested..

Cathie in Mi. what you decribed well that was Mi to I thought...Mo has
people who still wave when you go by,smile alot,help us old goats
in anyway they can..Both my husband a Mi. man,and Bob from Ca.
just couldn't get over how friendy. You would have that friendly lady
here..But not everybody wants that I guess,I love it. hugs to all Sue

Gotta agree about neighbors! I rememerber as kids we got the "boot" out the door every mornining (if not off to school) - there were several families of kids on our very tiny street - and all parents agreed - no t.v. period - we were to play together (or fight - which ever we chose), we alllowed to run between the houses and whatever parent was in resident would keep an eye on us - use the kitchens where we were could bake or eat lunch etc... just keep em cleaned up - play games until they turned into "war" at which we all keel over in exhuastion or it got dark - ride bikes until we crashed or whatever - just play with each other and when called for dinner - magically reappear... I'm sure they were keeping a much closer look on us then we realized - but i know the parents helped out each other watching the kids when one was sick, or whatever they had to deal with....

So yes, todays society probably is much more difficult for kids to learn to interact - physical restrictions - and also the structured lives they now (CHOOSE?) to lead with endless organized sports etc..... and thats another can of worms I wont pop open! (and on that note - since when do parents to kids homework? mine sure didn't - but my friends are always doing their kids homework with them? dont get it - thought that is why they were in school????)