A few thoughts also because I have lost many of my friends who are still deep in their eating disorder and I am not. One I feel it makes them nervous because they feel threatened like they will have to change or I will look down on them. Which I don't because it is a battle. Also when people fear having to change they get mean or distance themselves to protect there sickness.In the past I have had a lot of 1 sided friendships where I have been there for them and them not for me. It has brought my self esteem down and I won't do it anymore. I know at times one friend needs more support then another but a friendship can not be 1 sided because that is a therapist.
Melody as for your son I am sorry. You seem like such a sweet women and it is hard to watch your child destruct. I know from my past and the strain it put on my mom and also the other side since I am recovered from an ed and my mom suffers. You never know one day you may be able to have a better relationship. My mom and I has really grown to a healthier one because of boundaries.
As for weather my issue flare for sure in the cold. Even at a cold docs apt my feet feel like a block of ice and send the pain up.

Daniella:

I'm very proud of you for being accountable for your eating disorder. Takes a lot of guts. I only wish my friend Elaine (who died in September), had faced up to hers. She had been anorexic since the age of 15. Been hospitalized, given meds. Nothing worked. She would not go over 100 lbs. It was like a (I can't figure out what the word is), but she would not go over 100 lbs. She would ask me (while she was driving me to the produce store (get that, she actually drove me and didn't think she was the chauffeur, LOL ). She once asked me "Melody, how many calories are in a leaf of lettuce". I responded. "We are not having this conversation". Then she found a way to get me to take her to the store that sells the herbal tea that makes you lose weight. It's a kind of laxative tea. I never knew she was using this to lose weight. I believed her when she said she needed it to go the bathroom. Oh the stuff I found out later on.

She developed Emphysema and later, lung cancer (smoked till she was 51). The doctor sat her down and told her "you have to eat healthy, if you are to beat this. We all sat her down and told her the same thing. I probably should have taken her to the local mortuary and shown her the coffin and said "listen, if you don't get help and soon, you will wind up in this thing sooner than any of us have to". I will always wonder if I should have done this.

But none of us did. We just spoke to her, listened to her and watched her NOT EAT HERSELF TO DEATH. She wouldn't even do the Ensure thing.

All the chemo, and radiation were to avail because her body lacked sufficient nutrients. I was with her 83 year old mother as she watched her daughter slip away. Very painful for everybody concerned.

But it's not called an eating disorder for the fun of it, now is it?? It's a real thing and I give you tremendous amount of respect for doing whatever you are doing about it.

And if you lose friends along the way (and you probably will), well, it's THEIR problem now isn't it??

And I absolutely loved your remark about one sided friendships being what a therapist is. I never thought of it that way. That is such a cool description.

So you keep it up, you're doing great.

One day at a time.

Melody

Mel
 

Wrote long note guess it got bumped,smalll ones,from now on hands hurt
to bad. You have friends,I wish I could drive you to Cosco but can't
drive and it would be a bit far if I could. But I bet we would find some
interesting things. Very cold here as well,time to get that fire going again.

Just back from Kidney Dr. thought I had flu,surprise may loose my left
kidney,he was concered,now it's very concered...I think right now
I would rather loose well one of my friends.ha Oh Shoot,I have the
tremers. I think it's your friends husband. Hugs to all,well no matter
people can be odd sorry ,this happened to you,it hurts. Sue

Sue oh my I am so sorry about your kidney. What is going to happen? When do you find out?Is there someone to help you right now?I am sending so many hugs and wishes to you. You have many friends here and please reach out for support.


Thanks Melody. I hope to write a book and about this too. I know had to want recovery more then anything and be willing to do what ever it takes.You can't negotiate or do part of recovery. It is like you eating cake at every meal but not wanting to be diabetic. It doesn't work that way. You have to do things you don't want to to recover. I am sorry about your friend.You know I sometimes go back to the old place I was inpatient to help the other girls and share my recovery story. It is hard to watch but I know I can't change them they have to change themselves and face their feers.I can only support.As for the 1 sided friends. To me I would rather have 2 amazing friends then a bunch of crappy ones. Melody you seem like a care taker by nature.I hope you have good friends to support you too and your husband as well.I think it my age people think they are super heros and nothing can or will effect them. Many have been through very little. There crisis is breaking up with a boyfriend or having a bad hair day. Really. Until you experience true hard times you can't know or even imagine. I really treasue a feel good day. I used to not even care and when I look back at how destructive I was to myself it makes me so sad and scared. Your physical body and health is your tool for life without it little else as meaning.
Feel better all!

Well, I am seeing a lift in energy too! R-lipoic 100mg twice a day.
I am happy so far.

Also benfotiamine 150mg twice a day is working better than my thiamine!
I had been taking 200mg at bedtime of thiamine, which was good, but this seems better. (of course it is really COLD right now, and my feet are always better when weather is cold)

I bought the Source Naturals for the R-lipoic.
And Doctor's Best for the benfotiamine. I remember that benfotiamine used to be about $60 a month... the new lower prices are NICE IMO.

Thats great Mrs D, mine were always the worse in the hotter season as far as the burning goes, so it will be interesting to see the outcome when your summer days come along.

Brian :)

sleep problems...
 

I am starting to have sleep problems on the R-Lipoic acid. I didn't take any yesterday, and slept normally. The benfotiamine does not affect my sleep.

I am now experimenting with time of day and doses. I did not expect this effect!

I did only 50mg today, in the morning. I'll do that for a few days, and increase to 50mg twice a day.

I have to say I did try ALA regular type years ago. 300mg a day..I had no effect from it. (of any kind). So since it did not help my burning feet, I stopped using it. This new R- form is very very potent. So I hope anyone else here who tries it is careful with it.

I have been wearing socks successfully... it is bitter cold here... but socks have always been uncomfortable for me.
It has been 3 days now, and even at night...so that is a real improvement for my feet! ;)