I posted on the chronic pain forum and only got a little feedback. I'm in pain, lots of pain and it's simply more than I can live with anymore. I've been taking hydrocodone in the 10/500. It is doable. I'm taking 3-4 of them a day. My biggest problem is probably still my tailbone/sitdown area. I've exhausted all the nerve blocks and frankly the new pain specialist doesn't think nerve blocks i.e. steroids is a good idea for me. The hydrocodone dulls it some. But it is always on my mind. Sometimes I have to tune out conversations and pop back in hoping I haven't missed much. But I know the person I'm talking to knows I'm not really there. Pain is all I can think of. It's just hard to concentrate on anything and i'm so irritable. Noise of any kind makes me want to scream.

I'm finally walking a little without crutches. But not too far or too much. It's still a limp rather than a walk. I'm having a test next week to determine if the neuropathy is affecting my bladder. And I had a little boo-boo under my eye right in the fold of the lower eyelid. But after it didn't heal for about 3 weeks I called the doctor and went in. He thinks it's a skin cancer and has sent me yet to another specialist. It will have to be removed very carefully. There isn't much skin under my eyes and the muscles to the eyelids are very close. So you need someone who knows what he is doing. I understand this doctor is good.

Back to my original problem. The hydrocodone isn't doing it. And you all know how bad I hate pain medicine. I'm taking Lyrica which keeps some of the burning down. I don't know if the fractures accross the nerve are irritating the nerve or if there is a new one. But I stay sore, very sore all overthe sacral and hip areas. And if I sit on a hard seat I'm in the bed the next. All of this has affected my self image terribly. I realize now that I'm a cripple. No other way to say it. And my self confidence. I'm afraid to get in the car and go like i used to. I feel as if I need my husband with me in case I fall, faint, get sick, etc, etc, This is so not me. He taught me to be independant. Pain is a wicked animal. It stalks me. Rakes it's claws accross me. Chases me into high grass then lights a match and watches me till I burn. And I'm burning. I want to enjoy life again. There is so much more I want to do before I die...I have to make some decicision about pain and what to do about it before it gets any worse. I can try oxycodone or ask for a morphine pump. Mrs. D, you mentioned this to me once before. Do they work well? What problems do you forsee with it? I just can't keep living like this.

Billye