We lost my beloved Aunt yesterday. I've only now been able to write about it. My Cousin (I love her dearly) emailed me at 1:00 a.m. this morning to tell me she couldn't sleep and kept calling her Mom's phone hoping she'd answer. My heart is absolutely breaking right now.

I am really depressed and find myself crying a lot today. It helps to be able to let a little of it out here.

I can't go to the services. They are in Mississippi. This makes it all harder.

Dejavu,
Cami rapidly became attached to the crate. She's one of those dogs who learns on the second try. Good things and bad things. Thanks for keeping up with me.

Billye

I don't know what to say.

Not being able to go the services is really tough.

Billye:

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't have family so to speak. They all distanced themselves from me when they heard about my son's behavior (as if you can catch Asperger's Disorder??). But people are people and I really do think family is so important.

I have my two aunts left. One is 82, and the other is 83. Thankfully they are both doing good. The one who is 83 has children who look after her, help her with the rent, take her places, and she's thriving. She plays poker, goes to monthly get togethers of the red hat ladies, but she's completely deaf. Doesn't seem to faze her. The other aunt is 82, alone like a dog is upstate New York, but I call her and she calls me (the other family members forgot all about her because she's an Aunt by marriage. I guess to some people that does not count.

I remember to tell her how much she means to me, and how I'm sorry how the rest of the family has treated her. She seems to really appreciate this when I told her.

So I really am sorry for your loss. Your aunt is now an angel and she's smiling down on you.

I hope you feel better soon.



Melody

I do know this kind of hurt! It's worse because you just can't go and help!

Two years ago my MIL died 2 days after I'd had cancer surgery and this winter my FIL died. I had to send my DH off alone to 'deal with things'. But, we know our limits and just hope others understand as well. We are with all in spirit at least. Doesn't make the whole thing any easier, does it? Sigh.

I'm so glad Cami is getting wise in a good way to things! It makes it easier for both of you for sure! That all is makiing her one very smart dog in my book!

Heaps of hugs to you, your DH and to your pups.... I truly wish it would be something far more useful. 's! - j

I'm so sorry to hear about your Aunt - and know you wish you could be at the services.... but being there long distance - just to listen - to send cheer up cards and calls etc.. it so helpful too - and I know with your grace that just being there for your cousin. even from afar, will be a huge comfort to her... and in the meantime - sending hugs

dear Billye. I am so sorry.

I am tearful as I write, as I, too, have an aunt I am very close to. She lives on the other side of the map! Yet, we are so very close in heart, soul and in spirit. I get very upset when I am increasingly ill and she needs surgery ...and I cannot make it across the states to be with her. I'd also be so heart-broken if I could not make it in the event of her passing.

To some degree, I can understand your deep pain and sorrow.

I am sure you and your aunt will always be close in spirit.

You often show tremendous concern and compassion for others. I am sure these traits are very comforting to your cousin, as well as to others, just as they are here to so many.

I, again, am so deeply sorry for your pain.
I am glad you were able to share about this and hope it is, somehow, helpful for others to walk along beside you during this very sad time.

I hope you do feel free to continue to share on this, if you feel you wish to do so?

With all that has gone on, I am also very concerned about your health status.
I know you know best as to how to attend to your own needs.

So glad you have pups to maybe help you to smile, in between the tears right now?

(Glad your pup has adjusted well. Mine is howling in her sleep... like a wolf...as I type.)

Please be very kind to yourself during this most difficult time.

With Deepest Sympathies~

I am so sorry for your loss and all the rest you are going through. I hope you are getting real time support too. It is key to not keep the feelings in. Many better thoughts your way

I'm sooo sorry, Billye. My heart aches for you.

I've decided I may have to get a papoose pack. This little dog makes every step I do. She just followed me from the utility room to the living room and is curled up on the rug beside me. I will be here only a few minutes and she will follow me back and curl up in her dog bed. She never gets more than a few steps from me. This dependency started out of the blue. I really don't know what to do to keep her from being so anxious. I've decided she is one of the little dogs "who love too much". Heaven help my husband if I have to be hospitalized for any reason.

I'm anxious for the rheumatologist visit this time. I suspect my sed rate is out of control again. My muscles hurt, my hand joints are hurting and I just generally feel bad. I know stress can do a lot to you but I did sleep well last night in spite of calls from family about the funeral service. My elbows are broken out in a rash too. My left knee is really giving me fits. The knee replacement on that side was messed up. There is an adhesion at the knee and veins break from micro trauma under the skin there. I cannot stretch that muscle. I've seen a vascular surgeon and the doctor who did the replacement. He says everything looks "fine" on the xray. The vascular surgeon does not agree with him. I can't cross my leg on that side due to the tightness. And I have a limp from it. I'm ready to go elsewhere for another opinion.

Billye

not feeling well, in general.

I am glad you have been able to sleep despite all of the stress.
That's a bit of a help! Althogh not enough help for you just now!

My 8 year old shepherd still does this "clinging" on many days. Over the past year, she has days when she will stay in a different room for a little while, but always in the very next room, if not right beside me. If I have been gone to appointments or to a function , she is vdery clingy for the next 2-3 days. If I am gone for parts of even two days in a row... her digestive system gets all upset. (Ulcerative colitis can be an inheritied condition in shepherds... as can many autoimmune conditions.)

We have tried different things, over the years, to try to distract her from her "dependencies." We had started her in structured "dog activities" at a nearby training center...so she could be dropped there and could play with other dogs, etc., if we were busy for the day and/or if we were away on vacation. (We had done this even though we'd then still had another older shepherd at home.) Although she was started at 6 months, which was the earliest the training center would allow her to start, she'd started to have colitis from even 2-3 hours at the supervised "playground" while we would attend to other matters.

This has become a huge problem recently, during weeks I have been at a lot of testing/appts., as the poor girl had again started bleeding with colitis and had to go to the vet. She was never left alone for a full day; yet, she was left alone multiple times during the same week. (We'd lost our other dog 3-4 years ago; this younger one was okay if home with the other dog.) This one also is no longer amenable to attending structured play at any training center, which is too bad, as I have one right around the corner from my house, with an excellent training staff! She becomes ill if she is left there, even for a few hours, even though she loves the staff and other dogs.

This can be a problem with this breed (and with some other breeds). Some shepherds are very sociable with other dogs when they are young and become aggressive toward other dogs when they become older. This type of behavior genrally precludes their involvement in dog group actitivities.

I try to ignore her "clinging" behaviors, so as to not reinforce them. I leave areas and intentionally do not summon her. I am sure you do not summon your pup! I know this behavior! There's no need to summon the pup, as the pup is always underfoot!

I can make a few suggestions. They are all centered around lack of reinforcement for dependent behaviors, etc. (Most trainers would advise totally ignoring the "over- dependency." This can be difficult, because they are so darned cute... and sweet! However, it can be helpful in the long run!)
I will PM you with some information/suggestions in the next day or two?

If I had to do it all over again, I would still do it differently. I would have had her get used to more absences and would have had her be away from me more often, even if she was learning to spend time with someone else.

We did not expect to lose our other dog so quickly and they were fine when home with one another. Now, Billye, if we go on vacation, we have to leave her with the vet because she gets too ill with anxiety and starts bleeding. The vet treats her and boards her while we are away. (The kennels all had to bring her to the vet anyway.) We can never go on vacation and feel good about it, unless we have her with us because fo this.

You would do well to try all you can to break some of the dependencies...although, I also think this pup of yours is still very young?
If still super young, simply will be naturally "dependent" upon "Mom!"

Dogs go through "stages" of growth and development. There are some stages in which they assert independence, etc. However, you do not want a dog as dependent as my shepherd is at this time!

I will write a PM to you in the next day or so.

I hope you can feel better soon!

You and yours remain in my thoughts and prayers.