[daniella]

Hope it is ok to post this since not exactly a physical issue but more mental I guess. I have lived on my own since I was 18. I am unmarried anyhow for the first time when I returned from Ca I stayed with my mom for like 6 weeks. At first I never thought it would work but it turned out great. I really felt so comforted and my anxiety was so much less. I feel so safe with her like nothing else bad can happen health wise to me. Also it helpe to feel less lonely even watching tv at night together. Well I moved out to my own apt about 30 min away last week. I am not adjusting well. We have spent a lot of time and are planning to still see each other a lot. Like yesterday for ex the whole day we spent together but it is not the same. I am so anxious and lonely. I have barely slept and even during the hours I am awake a nervous wreck.All I want to do is cry and hide. At the moment I am unable to work and though I can do more like I was gone all morning still limited and in high pain. I wish I could work and go back to school but not yet. I have my apt on Wed for the spinal cord stimulator consult. I am trying to start my own support group for chronic pain and attend one I found. I have limited friends cause most have stopped calling since I barely could do anything for such a long time. Plus many don't understand what this is like. They are used to injuries that heal not a chronic thing that takes over your life. I don't blame them. Being young you never think of something like this or could understand.By the way for some who forgot I am 29.I know some will say get an animal but that is too much for me right now and plus the one I got when I got out of treatment lives with my mom. Anyhow I know most are older and married but any tips or help. Thanks all and wishing everyone a pain free day

[Brian]

Hi daniella, can you spend a few days & nights of the week at your mothers home ? just until you can manage on your own, if that is what you want to do, sounds like it is not a good time at present to be on your own 24/7.
I hope things improve for you very soon.
take care
Brian

[daniella]

Thanks. I have been spending lots of time there like I just came back now from there. There is some sense of safety there even when she is not there. I know it is crazy. I just feel I have made so many mistake with all this moving around and states and to just develop more health issues. I guess I will try to take it day by day and see. Who knows after the surgery I may have to stay with her cause of limitations. Thanks.

[MelodyL]

Daniella:

Have you ever dated? Is there someone you could care about?? Perhaps that might take the lonliness away and make it easier for you to be without your mother.

I was not close to my mother. So I have no idea what you are going through.

Have you ever married??

Melody

[Silverlady]

Daniella,
Moves are high on the stress chart. You have moved so very much. Try actually living in your new place slowly. It's hard to part with something that is familiar and safe, especially with health issues. I'm struggling too dear and I have my husband. Course, I've also got 3 little dogs. More stress. Why not wait to really live in your place until after you have the surgery.

Hugs to you
Billye

[Junie]

Hi,
I know lonely and pain, and you are right, no one wants to be around someone that looks somewhat normal but can barely walk 10 ft. My problem is I am lonely in a crowd...nothing makes me feel safe and loved. I just spent over a week with sisters and other family in condo on beach and they could not hear me when I said I can't walk the beach, go shopping. I was the drag. I was also the addict that took pain meds on time, never run short while they stayed drunk on beer/wine and smoked their weed with hash....beats me how I am the one with label as I get no high from mine.

[daniella]

Hi all and thank you. Ok I think I am loosing my mind. See my big mistake was coming back from Ca. I liked it there but could of sworn my eyes were from the climate change but since being home they are worse. I have no luck and I feel I have made so many mistakes with the move.
Mel, I have dated but never been married. I tend to pick the wrong guys in general and right now there is no way anyone would want to get into a relationship with me unless was in a similar case. That comes with issues too. In my past since I was sick with an ed and depression etc I tended to pick issued guys too like with drug issues etc.
Silverlady I do know how you are struggling and I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and like some others here give me the strength to fight. Sometimes when I feel I can't go through another day like this i think how you all keep going. I hope what ever you choose with moving and treatments you find a sense of peace.
As for the scs surgery I am so conflicted. There are much worse off then me and people not doing this so I know there can be lots of complications and that is scary cause then it is like woops I made a mistake the docs say and I pay in pain. Also I have no idea what to do with my eyes I am in so much pain and the treatments are doing nothing.
Junie I am sorry but understand. I think there is such a fear and anxiety to live with extreme health issues it creates a huge barrier with others. When I was sick with my ed I felt the same way and why I felt so much safe in a hospital with others going through the same thing and with nurses caring for me. Does anything help you feel safe? On another board someone asked me how I can comfort myself and to feel safer?
I came over to my moms this morning just to feel less alone and I can tell she is disappointed in me that I am not at my apt so will see I guess I need to not come here so much. Makes me want to cry. Hugs all.

[Junie]

I am sorry she feels like that! I guess the one thing that has kept me in this world is my little doggy...because I know she loves and needs me no matter what!nMaybe not much help but she keeps be from giving up altogether!!

[Silverlady]

Originally Posted by daniella

Hi all and thank you. Ok I think I am loosing my mind. See my big mistake was coming back from Ca. I liked it there but could of sworn my eyes were from the climate change but since being home they are worse. I have no luck and I feel I have made so many mistakes with the move.
Mel, I have dated but never been married. I tend to pick the wrong guys in general and right now there is no way anyone would want to get into a relationship with me unless was in a similar case. That comes with issues too. In my past since I was sick with an ed and depression etc I tended to pick issued guys too like with drug issues etc.
Silverlady I do know how you are struggling and I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and like some others here give me the strength to fight. Sometimes when I feel I can't go through another day like this i think how you all keep going. I hope what ever you choose with moving and treatments you find a sense of peace.
As for the scs surgery I am so conflicted. There are much worse off then me and people not doing this so I know there can be lots of complications and that is scary cause then it is like woops I made a mistake the docs say and I pay in pain. Also I have no idea what to do with my eyes I am in so much pain and the treatments are doing nothing.
Junie I am sorry but understand. I think there is such a fear and anxiety to live with extreme health issues it creates a huge barrier with others. When I was sick with my ed I felt the same way and why I felt so much safe in a hospital with others going through the same thing and with nurses caring for me. Does anything help you feel safe? On another board someone asked me how I can comfort myself and to feel safer?
I came over to my moms this morning just to feel less alone and I can tell she is disappointed in me that I am not at my apt so will see I guess I need to not come here so much. Makes me want to cry. Hugs all.

Daniella, I betcha your mother isn't disappointed in you. I bet she is worried about you. With all the things my boys put me thru, I was never disappointed in them, I was worried and fearful for them.

There is also a great eye board for people with dry eyes at www.dryeyezone.com I suggest you post there and read a lot. The information on that forum has saved my eyes more than once. Most of the people there have dry eye and/or nerve damage from surgery but there are others too.

Billye

[daniella]

Thanks guys did I tell you you guys are the best? Anyhow my mom is really upset and loosing it. I mean she was screaming at me. When I get in this much pain and I am in a major flare up like possible vicodin day and I have only done that a few times this year I get nuts.This week a lone I have went back and forth so many times about the scs. This is super scary. EVen going to the apt and I doubht the doc will suggest something else since he said he would do it before the meeting because I was already told at ucla. I know my mom is worried and concerned and really she has stuck by me and kept to hope for me never giving up.SHe is my best friend and only one to lift my spirits and see positives in me.Those months I stayed with her I was the happiest I have been through this. Sometimes though my mom lets things build up and then explodes which happened today and she wants her key back to be alone and to call before coming. This makes me so sad cause it brings me a sense of comfort to be there. Yet at the same time I wish I never left Ca. Am I nuts I have no idea. I asked my mom today god forbid something goes wrong after getting the scs how is she going to cope cause I can't handle her breakdowns sometimes though I understand I put her through hell and she has done non sto for me. I think after how many docs I have been to. Like this is my 4th anastesologist in a year for ex would have mixed feelings of going to another or this big of a surgery with the scs. This pain is hell but I know there can always be worse. We are driving 3 and 1/4 hours each way so 6 and half plus what ever traffic and construction. Last year it took an extra 2 hours. Of course if it came some help it would be way worth it I would fly to Japan. Ok thanks.
Silverlady I go on that dry eye board. My real name is Gina and I post that name. I saw you on there but didn't want to comment about these problems. Just in case they don't know.
Hugs to all.